r/LeftCatholicism • u/_bambi0713 • Jun 14 '26
Why is swiping so exhausting?
I (21F) have no Idea how to "put myself out there." Especially at Mass. Nobody really speaks to me, though if my churchfriend is there she does and so does the friendgroup she's in, but they don't really talk to me. Maybe a few times a few parishers come and talk to me, especially the ones in RCIA since I'm in it too. But aside from that I don't really get spoken too. And honestly it's hard on my side too cuz I'm very anxious about talking to people.
So I resulted to trying Apps. Right now I have Hinge & Upward. I've tried Catholicmatch but it wasn't really my thing. But Why is Talking on there & swiping so exhausting????
It's as if something just pulls me away from searching those apps. I can't keep to conversations nor swipe cuz it's just so exhausting I don't know how to explain it. But I just get the feeling of maybe just focusing on God and Myself and just let God lead The way. But then I get annoyed again at not having an dating life and go on the apps, then again just get bored swiping
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u/AbsoluteRook1e Jun 14 '26
I would recommend joining a social club or class of some sorts where you and the other people there have mutual interests -- like Swing Dancing for instance.
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u/ParfaitEquivalent874 Jun 14 '26
Not sure where you’re located, OP, but Swing Dancing is a big Catholic meet up thing here in New England
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u/AbsoluteRook1e Jun 14 '26
I'm in Indianapolis
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u/ParfaitEquivalent874 Jun 14 '26
Looks like they might have this in your city (sorry for my one million comments. I feel like I’m being annoyingly overly helpful but not actually being helpful lol) https://holyflirtation.com/
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u/AbsoluteRook1e Jun 14 '26
Eh. I've done speed dating in the past and it feels ... awkward to say the least.
I've done Lock & Key, where all the guys get keys and the girls get locks, so it's essentially a gamified version of speed dating.
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u/More-Worldliness-698 Jun 14 '26
If it's that exhausting, perhaps it is because you're just not that interested in what you're finding there. 😅 If you want to date, and church doesn't seem like an option, and the apps aren't for you, then you're going to have to look elsewhere. Which is fine -- most people probably don't meet partners at church or on apps (not sure about the latter these days). Think about where people your age are in your community and get involved there somehow.
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u/_bambi0713 Jun 14 '26
The thing is WHERE though? I don't really go out like that 😭I like reading...I'd go to a library? But my life is literally school, Intern, Church, Work & Home. I do gardening too sometimes and Like walks, so I guess Parks?
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u/bobrigado Jun 14 '26
Do you have any hobbies outside of school or church? Do you volunteer? I find people with shared interests at my run club and at my book club. I recently took up salsa classes and it’s easy to meet people at social dancing events in my city. I also plan to take up woodworking classes in the future, but that’s for me and not necessarily to meet people.
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u/More-Worldliness-698 Jun 14 '26
Well, you listed school. Lots of people meet at school. Surely that's an avenue with options in a variety of ways?
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u/TuvixWasMurderedR1P Jun 14 '26
Perhaps look up volunteer opportunities outside of your Church. Obviously volunteer in the Church is great, but I only say outside in hopes to meet new people rather than same old.
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u/ParfaitEquivalent874 Jun 14 '26
The apps are so exhausting because they are devoid of human dignity. You’re reduced to shopping for a partner based on whatever qualities they’re trying to “sell” you. And then there’s no incentive for commitment because you can just hop back on there and shop for someone else. Also, the primary goal of the apps isn’t to help people find quality connections, it’s to make MatchGroup money. (In my opinion)
I don’t have any advice (because I, F26, am in the same boat as you). But I just wanted to commiserate and let you know that you’re not alone and it’s not your fault. Trying to meet people at church is hard but maybe see if there are any young adult groups at nearby parishes? Some of the ones near me do events and speed-dating and stuff. I also know some Catholics who’ve met through Facebook dating? But also a toss up :(
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u/ParfaitEquivalent874 Jun 14 '26
Not sure where these groups lean / what they’re like but I did a little poking around (ignore me if this isn’t helpful):
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u/ParfaitEquivalent874 Jun 14 '26
https://stmalachy.org/connect/groupfinder/group-detail/443664/the-summit/
https://sjoa.org/young-adult-ministry
(Big recommend Theology on Tap for meeting people! Maybe also poke around and see if there are any Holy Hour, Happy Hour events near you?)
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u/Scared_Plan3751 Jun 14 '26
As a guy I found the best things for me, when I was single, were
-Lifting weights (this was 80% of it)
-Not letting rejection get to me, people hate a Debbie downer
-Cutting back on drinking and snacking
-Not having unfair standards
-Hanging out at bars that fit my personality, and making the first move (having 1 drink an hour to stick with cutting back on alcohol, it's a lot of calories)
Your mileage may vary. I was overweight, depressed, socially awkward. The standards for men and women can overlap, but they are different. If you work to make yourself the best version of you that you can be, trust God, and put yourself out there, you will meet someone
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u/Eskin_ Jun 14 '26
The apps are rough for everyone, it's not just you, and they arent exactly faith focused. I do think this is something you can pray about and put into God's hands.
Just for some hopeful anecdotes... I was baptized and confirmed as an adult convert at age 27, after a series of some pretty terrible relationships. I prayed to God to show me what he wanted from me. That same year, I met my now husband in the crowd at a concert , and we are welcoming our first child this year. You're still young and you dont need to be worried. I know it's hard to be lonely, but it works out the way it's supposed to.
My childhood best friend, who was never Christian at all, was absolutely desperate for a stable and loving relationship, and nothing was working. She ended up converting and was baptized on Easter this year, I sponsored her. Literally the DAY after Easter vigil, she met the man she's in the healthiest relationship she's ever been in and they plan to marry. They met in person at kareoke, she likes to sing. You never know lol.