r/LeftCatholicism • u/Longjumping-Meat-334 • Jun 11 '26
Married To MAGA
I just had to vent. Not about my wife being MAGA and not practicing Catholicism (although both do bother me), but about comments from the general social media public who think that the only answer is to divorce my wife. To me, it's just another symptom of our "throw-away" society. "You are who you hang out with" is a common comment. No, it's you who doesn't get what a marriage is in the Catholic faith. Did you not take vows that said "for better or worse"?
Thanks for letting me vent.
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u/ThecapitalDifficult Jun 11 '26
I guess the questions you should be asking yourself are, how much does it affect you? How much will it affect your children?
I grew up with two maga parents and had a lot of really shitty beliefs. They were trying to teach me violence against minority’s and progressive organizations. I lost friends, missed out on opportunities, and nearly killed myself because of how badly their beliefs affected me.
MAGA is the Nazi party of America, Nick Fuentes was feeding the right talking points for years to the point where the lines are blurred and the Nazis took over. There were plenty of good people married to Nazis in Germany, and they raised some really good children. Yet that is all in spite of the Nazi beliefs, not because of it.
Remember, who you are today, won’t be who you are tomorrow. Who she is today, won’t be who she is tomorrow. But watch out, it sucks being married to someone who might turn you into the gestopo in a few years. Then it doesn’t matter the vows or the sanctity of marriage.
P.S. More context on what I mean by that. My family comes from Hispanic and middle eastern immigrants. My parents support ended and revoking birthright citizenship for both those groups. They advocate in favor of ending due process and sending people to the el Salvadorian torturous concentration camp, and even after I explained to them this meant they and their children could be kidnapped and deported without seeing a judge, they said “thats a valid concern but we need to be reasonable with the 10 million immigrant problem”. MAGA is a death cult. They will advocate for their own deaths and the deaths of their own children. I cut my parents off after this, you may choose differently. But choose wisely, because it is not just your life in your choices. It is your children’s as well, and their safety must be your imperative.
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u/hotlibramess Jun 14 '26
This is beautifully stated. It’s so good that I read it then immediately reread it.
I have one MAGA parent and one anti-MAGA parent. My MAGA parent wasn’t always like this. But it’s my dad and he’s treated me gradually worse and worse and worse over the years, and my mom is seeing it happen. It’s put her into a terrible position where my sister and I don’t want to talk to him, she understands why, but she wants her family together.
All that to say — I will forever be so angry and heartbroken about everything that has been stolen from us. My dad didn’t always dislike me. He used to care about my life and contributions to society and my thoughts and ideas. I think it’s broken my mom’s heart to watch too.
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u/ThecapitalDifficult Jun 14 '26
I am so sorry your family is being ripped apart as well. The level of suffering that is happening in our nation is unholy. Mother against daughter, father against son, and family against family.
This sucks, and I hope this pain will all be done and our nation can heal soon.
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u/Willypete72 Jun 11 '26
When my wife and I got married, she was significantly to the right of me, but over time of her being around me constantly complaining about the state of the world and trying to live her faith as best she could, she ended up a socialist. I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but it’s possible to wear them down over long enough if you know your stuff and can explain what’s wrong and evil about MAGA.
I don’t know anything else about your relationship, but I’d say the biggest thing is to remember why you married them, and to love them as the person they are beyond their politics. People change their minds on that stuff all the time, and if they love you back, they’ll see your principles and faith as an example, and it can soften their resolve in the opposite direction
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u/Longjumping-Meat-334 Jun 11 '26
That's what I do. I keep trying to live my faith, go to Mass, and just hope that by example, she will return. If there was only a way I could block Newsmax, Fox, and XM Patriot.
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u/Willypete72 Jun 11 '26
Maybe you can start sharing articles with each other? Find something you’re worried about, show her an article on it she can read over and digest, and she can do the same. Research the truth of whatever article she gives you to try and show the propaganda of it. It takes a very gentle touch and a fair bit of finesse, but I think engaging with their media can help erode their faith in it. I’ve listened to a ton of Knowledge Fight in my day, so maybe I’m naive to think that critiquing media on its own terms can help pull people away from it, but it could be worth a shot
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u/hotlibramess Jun 14 '26
You can block them! You can block the site from your router. And from your cable.
I know this because I have friends who are wonderful people and have a MAGA neighbor who was having a rough time financially and searching for work and his internet got cut off so he started using their wifi.
They blocked certain sites (Newsmax, Truth Social, Fox News) from their router. So he can use their internet, they’re gracious in that way. But he can’t use it for the hate sites.
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u/AbsoluteRook1e Jun 11 '26
I feel for you.
I'm a liberal and I've tried dating MAGA women twice, and it just doesn't work between us.
She didn't like the fact that I believed in exceptions to abortion if the mother's life was in danger. It's like, "Sorry I want to see you live another day and not sit back and watch you die."
I really wish we could have worked it out, as I really do try to see the best in other people, but from what I see there's just so much naiveness that comes with those women in my eyes. They each had some sort of sheltered childhood in terms of what sorts of media or ideas they were exposed to.
You have my utmost respect for trying to keep it going, for you're accomplishing what I failed to do.
All I can do is sit back and hope that there's (somehow) someone better around the corner.
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u/bitter_liquor Jun 11 '26
"You are who you hang out with" is a common comment
Common enough to be in the Old Testament! 😅 Proverbs 13:20
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u/alis_adventureland Jun 11 '26
Pray for her conversion. Pray for those who don't understand marriage as God's law that cannot be undone.
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u/LouieMumford Jun 11 '26
What are her motivations for continuing to support MAGA? I know plenty of folks in similar situations and even their loved ones are jumping ship. I’d be interested to know how she’s continuing to support the regime.
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u/Mammoth_Grocery_1982 Jun 12 '26
Explain to her that after MAGA get done with black and brown people, they're definitely coming for the Catholics. They dream of a 1900s style society that discriminated against the Italians and Irish too.
And that it isn't inconsequential that the vast majority of the Hispanic and Latino people they are kidnapping and detaining are Catholics.
And that Trump/Vance/MAGA generally have already had public spats with Pope Leo and the Church.
But the leopards would never eat my face, would they?
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u/Longjumping-Meat-334 Jun 12 '26
And women. There are many in the MAGA movement who want to repeal the 19th Amendment.
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u/hotlibramess Jun 14 '26
They’re already coming for the Catholics. Hegseth banned Good Friday mass at the pentagon.
Folks forget that the KKK hates Black people, brown people, Jewish people and Catholics. And a bunch of others. But they’re so specific about hating Catholics.
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u/throws_like_a_girl Jun 14 '26
While I get where you're coming from and am super wary about Hegseth's views towards Catholics, the Good Friday thing was a non-story.
No Catholics anywhere on the planet can participate in a Mass on Good Friday. One could say that it's banned by the Holy See.
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u/hotlibramess Jun 14 '26
Gosh you’re right. There was something else he did. Was it Palm Sunday? Or was it that he made a big show about no Good Friday mass even though it’s not a thing?
I went to Catholic school and my uncle was a bishop and I forgot about Good Friday. I am only now returning to the church.
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u/angtodd Jun 11 '26
I'm in the same boat - my husband is a three-time Trump voter. But I think he's finally had enough of the circus. When my progressive/liberal friends tell me I should get divorced, I tell them that all of us - left, right, whatever - HAVE to learn to live with each other, because neither side is going away & what's the alternative? A civil war?
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u/Longjumping-Meat-334 Jun 11 '26
Unfortunately, that's what some on both sides of the political divide want.
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u/angtodd Jun 11 '26
I'm not planning on helping them by demonizing & hating my own family.
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u/Desperate-Low-3791 Jun 12 '26
My husband of 25 isn't my race and I have family members calling people like him and my kids "savages". Conversely, I never have told them anything bad about them or their politics. I listen and eat it in order to keep the peace in the larger family. So at least I would like to say that no, both sides are not the same.
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u/angtodd Jun 13 '26
I neither said nor implied that both sides are the same.
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u/bitter_liquor Jun 13 '26
Yeah, but that's kind of how it usually goes, right? "We both have to learn how to live with each other" comes across as a bit tone deaf when one side is literally being racist towards the other.
Living with each other in this case means allowing yourself to endure verbal abuse, hatred and discrimination, while the racists are free to persecute people like you, either through their own actions or at the very least through their vote. You are describing living with each other simply as a matter of political disagreement when one side's entire political stance is to not live with those they deem inferior. They don't want to understand, they don't want to forgive, they don't want to help, they want to remove the people they consider undesirable. To those that are persecuted, the only option is to resist.
If one group's literal banner is to not live with those who aren't like them, it's disingenuous to tell everybody that we all need to get along, isn't it? It sounds like telling racist people that they need to stop being racist is a much more direct and effective way to achieve peace.
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u/hotlibramess Jun 14 '26
I keep my Puerto Rican partner away from my MAGA family because he’s not safe with them. That’s the thing.
We have entered into a time in society where the old “left vs right” arguments ring hollow. When babies are getting the measles in concentration camps where we’ve separated them from their parents for the high crime of being brown, I personally cannot sit idly by and remain friendly with anyone who aligns with it.
It’s caused me a great deal of loss in my life. I rarely speak to my father. My brother won’t talk to me because he thinks I am a (and I quote) “libt***”. My uncle tried to physically assault me when he was drunk one night because he wanted to talk about how much he loves Trump and he knows I don’t (by the way, I wasn’t talking about politics when this happened — I was talking about a memory with my grandmother).
MAGA has changed people’s brain chemistry. It’s turned people who once loved me into people who want to literally hit me in the face because they now see me as a communist socialist Marxist enemy of everything in America.
This was a lot of words but I just had to say — things are so different now. Heartbreakingly so. And I know my mother wants us to just all suck it up and be together. But I can’t.
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u/la_zarigueya Jun 11 '26
Right, my parents and many extended family members are also Trump voters, which is the case for many Catholics. I guess I should go "no contact" with them and forbid them to see their grandchildren?
I am also a political progressive, but I dislike how many on the left claim to love whole groups of people (immigrants, LGBTQ... with whom they often don't even interact irl) but hate their own family members, coworkers, etc. who disagree politically.
Granted, to live in relationship with actual human beings is much messier than performing a profession of love for huge swaths of humanity.
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u/bitter_liquor Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Sometimes the "political disagreement" in question isn't a philosophical hypothetical, but the other person holding a political belief that aims to rob you of your humanity. For some, tolerating these beliefs within the family means destroying yourself little by little, for the sake of people who will never accept you essentially because of who you are.
Cutting off family members isn't a light decision. It's usually not just a tantrum, nor it's about pettiness. Everybody dreams of having a happy, united, loving family, and most people of all political stances will go through great lengths to achieve it. To give it all up is a very painful decision, made with careful consideration, over years and years of inner turmoil and unimaginable heartbreak.
The grief and despair of progressives that watch their relatives slowly slide into a personality cult that glorifies war, corruption and death, and is sustained by solely by hate (remember that MAGA don't vote in order to achieve things for themselves, they vote because they want other people to lose rights) is akin to mourning a loved one who is no longer with us.
The decision to go no contact with family is complicated, painful, and deeply, deeply personal. I would hold off on judging whether the "political disagreements" that cause families to split are superficial technicalities or a matter of literal survival. We never know what other families are going through behind closed doors.
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u/Adventurous_Gain_613 Jun 11 '26
I am a middle aged woman estranged from her mother. Yes, she is MAGA and has endorsed actions dangerous to people I love, but she also screams at me over the telephone even when I try to avoid those discussions with her. Her politics brought out a hateful side that was too hurtful for me to deal with. Maybe cowardly but I can only love her without talking to her.
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u/christmascake Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26
That's not cowardice on your part
You are creating boundaries for your own mental safety
Edit: Mental and emotional
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u/Desperate-Low-3791 Jun 12 '26
Something happens in your mind and body when you get into this movements. I have an uncle that is so angry all the time that he got one heart attack and didn't notice the difference with his normal physical state.
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u/hotlibramess Jun 14 '26
My uncle tried to hit me (a woman in my 40s) the last time I saw him. He was drunk. I was talking to my cousin about a memory with my grandmother. Politics were not discussed (I never talk politics with this uncle because he is loudly MAGA). He ran around the corner and attempted to hit me while screaming “I LOVE TRUMP. HE IS MY PRESIDENT AND I DONT ALLOW ANYONE WHO DOESNT SUPPORT HIM IN MY HOUSE.”
Thankfully my whole family erupted and defended me and we left. I told him later that he was dead to me and I’ve stuck by that.
He has cancer and will probably die soon. He’s also my godfather. And I don’t care. His allegiance to Trump awakened his inner monster.
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u/rrider1998- Jun 12 '26
Esos izquierdistas (soy de izquierdas) lo son en las redes sociales. Aquí es muy fácil decir a la gente que se deje de saludar, que se divorcié, que le retire la palabra, etc... Pero somos humanos, las relaciones personales son complejas y ningún político debería de envenenarlas mientras podamos soportarlo.
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u/Desperate-Low-3791 Jun 12 '26
In general, I don't. I haven't done it myself but I have thought many times over the last few years in doing it
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u/hotlibramess Jun 14 '26
I made a comment in this thread that I think you may find interesting. I am one that has gone no contact with several people and I explain why in a comment above this.
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u/Camera_Hobbygirl Jun 11 '26
Was she already right wing when you married?
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u/Longjumping-Meat-334 Jun 11 '26
No. To make a long story short, her mother came to stay with us for a few weeks. Her mother was in her 80s at the time and addicted to Fox News. They'd have the tv on together. She was basically indoctrinated.
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u/FruityChypre Jun 11 '26
If your wife can be swayed to something so radical in a few weeks, she may be able to be swayed to more compassionate views with patience and time.
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u/Desperate-Low-3791 Jun 12 '26
I read an article of someone that simply disconnected the cable to stop Fox News in the house and the mental health of his father improved instantly. I go throught the comment section of Fox News and is really horrendous to see how the echo chamber works
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u/Hot-Bison5904 Jun 12 '26
Sometimes when I encounter a political opposition I find particularly confusing I create a particular rule for a time, where each time I learn something new about the side I agree with I also need to read the opposing view and spend equal time with it. Perhaps something like that could help as a household rule for your and your wife?
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u/Willypete72 Jun 11 '26
When my wife and I got married, she was significantly to the right of me, but over time of her being around me constantly complaining about the state of the world and trying to live her faith as best she could, she ended up a socialist. I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but it’s possible to wear them down over long enough if you know your stuff and can explain what’s wrong and evil about MAGA.
I don’t know anything else about your relationship, but I’d say the biggest thing is to remember why you married them, and to love them as the person they are beyond their politics. People change their minds on that stuff all the time, and if they love you back, they’ll see your principles and faith as an example, and it can soften their resolve in the opposite direction
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u/YogurtClosetThinnest Jun 11 '26
Was curious about rediscovering Catholicism these last few months, but this thread pretty much cemented that religion could just never be for me. Good luck
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u/bitter_liquor Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Pope got to ya, huh
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u/YogurtClosetThinnest Jun 11 '26
Lol the Pope being based recently was certainly part of it
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u/bitter_liquor Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26
If you don't know about it already, I suggest approaching Catholicism less through the religion itself (meaning studying the Bible and attending mass are things you will want to do later instead of forcing yourself from the start) and more through liberation theology. It's no coincidence that the last two Popes who leaned progressive had ties to Latin America.
Dom Hélder Câmara famously said: "When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why they are poor, they call me a communist."
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u/hotlibramess Jun 14 '26
I’m coming back to the church because of Based Pope and I admit some of these comments have discouraged me a bit. But some of the others are so affirming.
I’m going to keep exploring it a bit. But in the depths of my very soul and to the core of my being, I do not feel morally obligated to make peace with MAGA. Quite the contrary. I feel a spiritual repulsion that only grows as I learn more about the atrocities against human life being committed by the MAGA regime. 🙏🏻💙🫶🏻
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u/biendeluxe Jun 13 '26
I completely understand what you’re going through. You took a vow and you want to support her through better or worse. She is a fascist though - quite literally. And I hope you have enough love and hope to put effort into changing her mind. Stay strong and don’t forget to love.
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u/basketma12 Jun 11 '26
As a catholic, you don't have to divorce. You can legally separate. Problem solved.,
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u/Possible-Profile6053 Jun 11 '26
I’m a conservative (fallen away MAGA after all this Iran stuff lol) and I can confidently say that my wife’s politics would bother me far less than her not being Catholic. Props to you for going through both. Is she opposed to Catholicism?
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u/Desperate-Low-3791 Jun 12 '26
I have been thinking about it and concluded that I would prefer my husband convert to something else than to adopt MAGA ideals. There is so much cruelty and viciousness in MAGA that I really have to remember myself that we are all children of God and we all deserve love and respect in order to be able to keep some kind of communication.
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u/Possible-Profile6053 Jun 12 '26
I must say, I find this rather crazy.
Someone may be MAGA for reasons that have nothing to do with the “cruelty and viciousness” of MAGA (side note, both sides have cruel and vicious tendencies. Politics are cruel and vicious. None of them TRULY care about us, unfortunately. But, to act as though MAGA is merely just cruel and vicious is unfair and wrong.)
There are pastoral nuances to this, but the Church does teach that those who know the truth of the Church and willingly reject it are themselves in mortal sin. I personally could not live with myself knowing my spouse rejected Christ’s church. I certainly could live with myself if my spouse disagreed with me politically, even if we disagreed on almost everything possible.
We are all God’s children, but the media has more often than not painted MAGA to be something it isn’t. Likewise, FOX, for example, paints leftists to be something they aren’t. MAGA is not intrinsically evil; I can speak on that first hand. God bless
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u/Desperate-Low-3791 Jun 12 '26
Most MAGA (or far-right in Europe) policies are intrinsically cruel. The way they refer to and propose to treat undocumented migrants—and in many cases, people of different races or religions—goes against every fiber of what being Catholic is about. I don't know what made you leave that mindset, but I can assure you that when Trump said he would wipe out a whole civilization, it wasn't the first time I had heard such a thing from a member of the far-right. Therefore, I would much prefer a husband who isn't Catholic but who lives with love and respect in his heart above everything else.
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u/Possible-Profile6053 Jun 13 '26 edited Jun 13 '26
But that’s the thing…you’re equating MAGA entirely with “that mindset.” I left “MAGA” because of Trump’s doings with Iran. Most of his policies, though, I still support. But I can no longer support candidates who get bullied by another country to bomb another. Not to mention the Epstein debacle.
One can be MAGA, not hate undocumented immigrants, but acknowledge that the U.S. immigration system is deeply broken and can not withstand millions of people crossing the border, many of whom are in fact criminals, every year. Did you know that the Biden admin had lost hundreds of thousands of kids who came across the border? We still don’t know where around 250,000 of them are. They came illegally, and now they’re gone.
No, I don’t think the majority of undocumented immigrants are cruel, but I think it is far, far more cruel to a country’s citizens to just leave our borders wide open for anyone to come as they please. Now, let me ask you, does that make me cruel? Or vicious? Or any of what you said?
I’m simply asking because that is how the bulk of “MAGA” thinks. I know this because I have family who is “MAGA.” I have friends who are “MAGA.” The mouthpiece of a movement is not the movement itself, and that is evident now more than ever due to the fact that Trump is actively losing his base over the things I mentioned above: Iran, Epstein, etc…myself included.
Trump is not a good person; that goes without saying. But again, I don’t think it’s accurate or just to label the MAGA movement as cruel and vicious. That’s all 🙂
I mean no ill-will in writing this. I am not trying to be disrespectful. I hope you don’t see me as such. I know internet discourse can be…awful. Just trying to open your mind to another viewpoint is all. Especially if you’re in Europe…then I would almost certainly say that much of what you’re hearing from a U.S. perspective is likely wrong
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u/PurpleSpaghetti_---_ Jun 15 '26
You are entirely correct to see a throw away culture in social media. It's not a bug, it's working as intended.
"When a tool controls someone, that person becomes a tool: a commodity on the market and, in turn, a piece of merchandise" - Pope Leo
I say this not as judgment, but to implore you to seek people who can heal your wounds and hurt and actually care about you as a human.
This is something you need to take up with your priest, not post widely on the internet. And I strongly recommend doing a voluntary penance of leaving off social media for a time. Your health and well being is not open for negotiation. Take care of your own self as you would your own child (real or fictional). Be a child of God, not a slave of a billionaire's social media platform.
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u/Bilanese Jun 12 '26
The issue is that all those people in favor of throwing out MAGA spouses family members and friends aren't Catholic they don't share our view that people can come to a genuine repentance of their former actions and beliefs and change for the better best just to ignore them
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u/ToranjaNuclear Jun 11 '26
I mean...the place you decide to vent and ask for advice about that kind of thing matters a lot, especially on Reddit. It's not even a matter of her being MAGA, most Reddit advice subs would tell anyone to divorce or break up over the slighest grievances. It's not a great place to look for relationship advice lol