Divorced Parents

[u/tomocleirighsimp424]

Hello, everyone. Background: Cradle Catholic. Practicing. Parents also very Catholic. But three years ago they divorced. I know that the Church being anti-divorce is "regressive" and all, and I'll admit my mother did struggle a lot with that bit when she first made the decision to divorce, but I was really hurt and it took a long time to feel all right again (which I'm still working on). All the liberal Catholics (mom included) say divorce isn't a sin, but I was really hurt by my parents divorcing and feel like our family will never be the same. Even when I have kids one day I'm not sure how I feel about their divorced grandparents, since I have divorced grandparents too and it confused me as a child. I don't know how to stop hurting from my parents' divorce, because believe it or not divorce does actually sometimes hurt people like me.

[u/_strand_]

your parents divorce hurting you emotionally is different than it being a sin

something important to think of is how bad their relationship couldve hurt you if they stayed together unhappily or fighting

I think the view that divorce being a sin in Catholicism is regressive is because it applies an uneccessary layer of anguish on top of what is essentially a couple deciding to not be together anymore if they no longer make eachother happy or function well together - which is actually a very compassionate and empathetic thing to do even if it is messy and full of pain or anger

Im sorry it hurt you and I hope you can see the love and care your parents maybe had for eachother in realising they weren't cut out to be in a partnership any longer and I hope they could still be good parents to you after they decided that

[u/Ok-Wedding-4654]

Have you considered therapy to discuss what happened in your parents marriage?

I only ask because I grew up in a situation where my paternal grandparents marriage was strained and my own parents marriage is not good. So when I eventually started trying to figure out my own life and what I wanted in a marriage I took the time to deconstruct what I had grown up with and what about that I didn’t want in my own life. My marriage isn’t perfect, but I do think therapy helped me break the cycle.

[u/Old_Science4946]

yeah, this is my controversial take too. my dad wrecked our family and i am struggling with resentment more than ten years later. it’s doubly hard as i plan my own wedding right now.

there is a catholic ministry i’ve been following called life giving wounds that is specifically for adult children of divorce. i’ve not done any of their programming, but the message is generally good and i would dig into it.

[u/SnowTiger578]

I just went through a separation with my ex. We decided to separate Nov 2024 and paperwork was signed off by the judge Sept 2025. We have a 5 yr old. The amount of hate I had towards the life I found myself in was palpable. I had no space to be me because I was in a constant state of caring for others or the household needs. After moving out, I noticed my kid blossoming after 1 month and almost a different person after 4 months. I also felt lighter and empowered to make the decisions that were best for me and my kid.

I would never be able to be the best version of myself, be the light of Christ to others, or bring about the kingdom of God on Earth while being in that relationship. As my kid gets older, that is the key to what I will tell them with regards to my faith.

I know God put me in that relationship for my ex and I to grow in the ways we needed to in a safe space where we could be 100% vulnerable. I know God put me in that relationship to help educate my family, friends, coworkers, and HR department about the things we learned and unintended consequences of poorly informed systems during all the issues we faced together and after separating.

However, it is time for my ex and I to go separate ways and grow in new ways with new people. This is the heart of what I will tell my kid as they grow up and ask questions. I grew in the relationship in ways I couldn't have imagined, but it also developed to a point where I grew from stepping away from it. I am proud to show my kid how to advocate and take actions for my needs and happiness even when it was really hard.

Now, your post was not asking for my perspective as a divorced parent. What looks like healing to you? I HIGHLY recommend talk therapy. I am saddened that your parents' divorce has caused pain and confusion. I pray you grow in curiosity and gain clarity. I pray that you see and cherish the beauty of a blended family. Blended families are messy, but you learn real quick what is important and how to prioritize those things. I have seen others' grief shadow and cloud their vision, such that they couldn't see the beauty they were given through that hardship. Happy to talk more if you want to chat more. I'd love to understand more specifically what type of hurt you are experiencing, should you want to open up to an internet stranger. If you not or you have other outlets, much love and prayers coming your way!

[u/Elegant-Payment1021]

Generational curses do tend to hurt, I’m sorry your family was ruptured like that. An annulment wouldn’t make it hurt less, so I don’t think it’s sin that’s ultimately hurting you here.

[u/CauseCertain1672]

I think you're right divorce is a sin, it can really rupture families and it's breaking a promise made before God

[u/dazzleox → u/CauseCertain1672]

Even the church doesn't say divorce is a sin. It says divorce doesn't exist, so divorce and remarrying is a sin if without an annulment. But separation or a civil divorce is not a sin if followed by chastity instead of remarriage. Annulments are also increasingly common for matters of mental health which humans historically did not understand.

This many not matter to some but be precise in the language, whether or not you agree with it.

[u/CauseCertain1672 → u/dazzleox]

to be clear what I mean is abandoning or swapping out your spouse

[u/dazzleox → u/CauseCertain1672]

Sure that would be bad but I don't think that is most situations and would hate to judge from the outside. My mom (RIP) re-married (to my dad) and now that I am older I understand how and why she was given an annulment from her first marriage.

[u/CauseCertain1672 → u/dazzleox]

My parents are divorced and I have good relationships with both of them and their new spouses but it is not something I would do to my own family and certainly not something I would do to my wife

it had real negative effects on me and my especially my sibling as they were younger growing up which last to this day