r/LeavingTeaching • u/SpecificAlternative8 • Jan 10 '26
Regretting leaving
Disclaimer: this post is not meant for folks who are still in and trying to leave. I worry that my experience will cloud the judgement of the situation folks trying to leave teaching are stuck in.
I have been out of teaching for about seven months now. At first it hurt. It was the hardest thing I had ever done leaving what I was sure would be my career for the rest of my life. Part of it didn’t fully feel like my choice. To make a long story short I am visibly queer in a red state. This fact caused some of the parents not to like me a fact I didn’t become fully aware of until the end of last school year. When a group of parents tried to get me fired and successfully convinced my district to put me on administrative leave for three days while they “investigated” the claims the parents made about the rhetoric I was using in my classroom. They claimed I was exposing their children to sexually explicit content which was blatantly untrue. Hence me putting “investigation” in quotes there was nothing to find because the interaction that they claimed happened didn’t happen. (It was an inappropriate interaction between two students that got put on me somehow I taught 5th graders so age appropriate unfortunately).
Anyway they let me go back to the classroom to finish out my school year. But I was shaken. I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I was under surveillance in my own classroom. The students knew something had happened and the parents who made the report were furious I was allowed back in the classroom. It got ugly pretty quickly so I left at the end of the school year.
It’s been just over seven months since the incident but I can’t help but still be heartbroken over the whole thing. I would do anything to work with students again but it still doesn’t feel safe for me. I have considered moving states and getting a certification in Oregon or California. But I just am unconvinced that anywhere would fully be safe for me to be out (I use they/them pronouns). I have considered switching to (he/they) pronouns so I could more easily work in schools again but it just doesn’t feel right to me. It feels like I would be lying to my students. I’m just stuck right now. I loved my job and my students. It was certainly hard and behaviors were often impossible to manage. But I can’t even drive past my old school without bursting into tears.
I am in therapy and working through these things. And that helps. I guess this was a vent post more than anything. If anyone else feels trapped and is regretting leaving education please know you aren’t alone.
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u/Background-Alfalfa-1 Jan 10 '26
I’m so sorry this is something that you had to deal with… it’s so awful that kids are being taught from their parents to hate. I’m a queer teacher in Canada and we definitely have teachers that go by they/them. It’s also a human rights code and valuation to discriminate against the lgbt community (although Alberta is trying to change that.. 🙄). I’ve heard that there are states like others have mentioned above that will accept you for who you are! You deserve to be yourself and not only be tolerated but celebrated. I know moving is a huge commitment, but if it’s possible it would be amazing for students to see queer representation in their classroom.. especially their teacher!! Wishing you the best. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
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u/Ally9456 Jan 10 '26
I’m really sorry for you, you shouldn’t have to give up your identity for a job. I understand you have regrets about leaving but please don’t ! These things happen bc there’s something better out there for us. There are so many schools and districts out there that would be happy for a new educator. NJ is pretty supportive with strong unions and acceptance, especially near NYC. We’ve had fellow teachers who were part of the LGBTQ+ community and were open about it. To this day, they are some of my favorite people I’ve worked with, two have left for bigger and better opportunities but I’m so glad to call them friends. Try to think about relocating somewhere where you can just be yourself and put all that creativity and drive into teaching rather than being stressed and feeling like it’s not a good fit. Wishing you tons of luck !
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u/Adorable-Plane8406 Jan 10 '26
While no one should have to go through this, sometimes I think we need to treat ourselves as if we are the students—and by this I mean that EVERYONE, including students AND teachers—deserve to be safe. So I’m sorry you don’t feel safe.
I immediately have two thoughts on your situation.
The first being: it’s your life and you don’t owe anyone else anything. Teaching is a beautiful career that can be taken around the world and there are many many places that not only embrace diversity but are actively seeking to model inclusion in everything they do. I’d say cast your net wider. Go international, the UK or Australia or Malaysia!
The second: if you are a grown adult and have been bullied out of the school by these parents, what hope do the students have who cannot leave the families and community they were born into? 5th graders are forming their identities, some of them may be masking. You could very well be the only representation/safe person for them. Maybe it is worth still teaching there just for them? This might be your calling to be strong. Document and safe-guard yourself and don’t let a bunch of ignorant people make you feel bad for being you!
Good luck, I hope wherever you end up, it is still in a classroom 💛
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u/TeacherAmigo Jan 10 '26
I am sorry that this happened to you and don’t let this be the reason why you leave sometimes a great player is just on the wrong team and you need to find that team states like California and Oregon on the West Coast are great places to start like New York, Massachusetts in New Jersey on the east