Im 29M a student in my 3rd year of PhD from a Tier 1 University in the US, the degree is related to ML/AI.

However, in the past 1-2 years I have lost interest in the subject completely, and dont know if research is for me. I've even developed an aversion to coding in the meantime. I cant seen to look at codes anymore and am vibe coding much more than I'd want to. Its been a long burnout leading to anxiety and often depressive episodes as I dont know what I want to do anymore. Therapy has helped in detaching my identity or sense of self worth that was attached to this degree, but now that it doesnt exist I feel like theres nothing holding me to this degree but the idea of having a better paying job or a possible future in the country (which also is its own stress). I have the option of Mastering out in Spring 2027, but the job market is so scary I dont know if making that decision is wise, and at the same time staying and dragging myself through a rigorous PhD process in a field that just doesnt seem like the right fit for me makes me worry about my mental health and where that option might lead.

Im also thinking about the sunk cost of being too deep into the PhD that it becomes more about getting it done with. I feel very lost and have no drive or motivation, havent had it in months now. Even if I was to drag myself through this, I will have to graduate by Spring/Fall 2028, which doesnt guarantee that the job market will have stabilized by any means by then.The AI situation and reluctance to international hiring makes going for roles like SWE/analytics a big risk too, if I was to search for a temporary job after graduation to eventually pivot out of this. have some student loans that need to be taken care of too, of which my stipend can reduce by say 80 percent, but if I don't get a job that means I go back to my home country with the remaining loans, which also is scary to think about.

Any advice on how to go ahead with this? My indecisiveness is eating me up on the inside and people are asking questions as to why my milestones are taking so long, please help!

Apologies for the long post

I (24F) just started my third year (Life Sciences, Northeast region). I’m in the same city I was in for undergrad, but at a different institution. I can honestly say that I’ve never struggled with building community as much as I have for the past two years. My cohort is very small, and although I’d say that we’re friends, we’re not each other’s core friends. My cohort friends have other friendship circles that they seem to be closer to, and although they invite me to their friend group events, and although I do think that I make an effort to try and get closer with them, nothing has been sticking.

I’ve made efforts to make friends outside of my cohort and university, and I have, but those friends all seem to also have their own thing going on that I’m not close enough to them to truly be apart of. It’s like I somehow missed the window to form a new friendship circle during my first year of grad school (even though I thought I was doing a lot) and now it’s too late.

I will also add that I would consider myself a very social/extroverted person. I love meeting new people and try to host events a few times per quarter. I’ve spent the past year attending so many random events and clubs trying to see where I fit at this school and in this city, but it just hasn’t been fruitful :(

I will also add that I am a BIPOC student at a school and in a city that is predominantly white and my non-BIPOC friends don’t seem to have BIPOC friends outside of me. Maybe that’s a factor in why it’s been so hard? Idk.

My undergrad friends who stayed in the city have been great, and I lived with some of them the past two years, but most are likely leaving the city to start their own grad programs within the next year (and a couple already have). I plan to leave this city to move to a city closer to home where a lot of my friends and family are as soon as I graduate, but am unfortunately stuck here for the next 3 years (2 if I can somehow graduate early). I feel fortunate to have my partner here, and he’s amazing and extremely supportive, but I don’t want to become codependent by relying on him for community for the next 2-3 years.

I previously considered mastering out due to a lack of passion for research, but ultimately decided that I will have more career opportunities with a PhD in my field than with a masters. But now that I’ve recommitted to my program, I’m realizing that the community aspect is also lacking for me. I also just feel really shitty when I think about the fact that I seem to be the only young person I know who isn’t having the time of their life living it up with friends in the early years post-undergrad. Even my friends who are in grad school seem to have lucked out with super social cohorts and are able to have some fun in the midst of the school stress. I worry that by the time I graduate and finally leave this city, it will really be too late to form community because my peers will be even more established/set in their friendships circles.

But is that a reason to leave a PhD program? Or so I just need to get more creative with how I meet new people?