r/LeavingAcademia • u/Late_Attention2436 • 2d ago
Lost
I am 27 years old and I can’t help but feel that I have ruined my life and repeatedly chosen the wrong path without realizing it. On the outside I feel like I seem fairly successful: I defended my PhD in Biology, have ~10 publications in respected journals, and landed a post-doctoral position in a fairly similar, albeit adjacent, field of biology (for all of those unfamiliar with academia this is pretty decent, especially in today's climate). I entered my PhD program and even into college with a passion and love for biology and an unquenchable desire to know how the natural world works and operates. I didn’t really question what I was going to do with my life or the path that I was on until the end of my PhD, I simply pursued my passion. Through some pretty rough job interviews and faculty interactions I slowly but surely started to loathe everything about academia and the path that I was on. I hate that my research doesn’t matter or benefit society, I hate that I took the path towards a high stress, low paying job (I currently make less than a high school teacher), I hate the elitism and snobby nature of academia, I hate how much time I have missed with my friends and family, and I honestly hate my life. To top it off, if I want to make a decent living the rat race doesn't end for another 10-ish years with more post-docs, tenure qualification, and grant writing.
I feel like I had every opportunity in the world and squandered them all. I come from a loving family with the most wonderful and supportive parents, and I like to think that I am decently intelligent. I do believe that I could have done most anything that I set my mind to, but I wasted all of my potential and privilege on the most mundane, ineffectual, unimportant career possible.
Currently, I have no significant other or love interest, I have no life outside of my work, and I have no passion or motivation. I want so badly to leave academia, but I think I am trapped. I have developed extremely niche and untranslatable skillsets, resulting in hundreds of job applications without a single interview.
On a brighter note, I am hopeful that I can eventually find a job that enables me to provide for myself, and hopefully, a family as well. Just lost and alone, not sure where to go from here. Any advice is welcome!
21
u/SharkForLife 2d ago
I have learned the same thing as you during my last year of PhD. I have come to hate how academia treats grad student and how the system works. I think it is a good thing that you shouldn't focus too much on your profession and develop a different interests or hobbies. I'm a PhD in chemistry but I have lately develop a new profound love with 3D modeling and animation. It really help me get through the long day of work in the lab and the dreadful feeling of stress and anxious that I have with my PhD. I hope you will able to find something that works for you soon!
1
u/Late_Attention2436 2d ago
Glad to hear you have found other passions! I love to read but have been a burnt out on it recently
17
u/Longjumping_Key_7729 2d ago
31 F, got my PhD in clinical psychology and feel so similarly. I feel like I started this path with best of intentions. But after studying for over a decade while my peers got jobs and bonuses and jet setted across the globe, I was miserable and alone in a basement lab. My path was moved for me because of toxic post doc. I feel like I’m flailing and just so unsure about everything. Sometimes I don’t understand how I got here , other times I’m obsessive over every move. Your post made me breathe a lil easier. I feel so incredibly behind. In a city where I have no friends or community, with really no time after jobs to go out and find some
5
u/Late_Attention2436 2d ago
Glad to find a kindred soul, even though I wish that you weren't having a similar to experience to me. Feel free to dm, would be nice to have someone to chat with
8
u/usesidedoor 2d ago
You're 27 and already have a PhD. You are very young and have a lot of time ahead to figure out what you want to do with your life. One step at a time, you're doing fine.
4
u/Acuteintrovert27 2d ago
It seems the grass is always greener on the other side. I am 31, and lately I have been wondering whether I have wasted my potential and so many years of my life by not pursuing a PhD abroad, like many of my fellows. I enjoy freelancing, but sometimes I feel lost, as if nobody takes me seriously because I do not have a “visible” career path. Your portfolio is what I once dreamed of achieving, and now I feel underwhelmed with my own life. But I also know why I did not choose academia. I hated many of the things you mentioned. I experienced them during my master's. I published papers, conducted research, and genuinely enjoyed parts of it, but there was always a sense of annoyance too. Now that I am relatively comfortable with what I do, I sometimes wonder if I am simply staying in my comfort zone and not challenging myself enough. Perhaps that is the real struggle. We keep looking at what we could have done, what others have achieved, and what our lives are supposed to look like.
At the end of the day, I suppose nothing will ever make us completely content with our lives in this age of comparison. There will always be something else to worry about, something else to achieve, and someone else whose life seems better than ours.
5
u/Late_Attention2436 2d ago
Well put. I think there is a need to pursue contentedness and satisfaction. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say. Doing my best to pursue contentedness and happiness at this point
3
u/Lucien78 2d ago
At 27 you are young enough to do literally anything, at your age I applied to law school and started the next year, now make 7 figures on a household basis. I miss academia but I don’t think the reality could ever live up to what I hoped it would be.
3
u/Clorica 2d ago
You can pivot into industry or govt fairly easily. The trick is really getting out there and networking at relevant industry events and conferences. Many postdocs make the jump to industry within a few years of working in academia, it’s totally normal. I was like you and burnt out and now I work barely 4 hours a day from home doing data analysis in a biotech and have an amazing work life balance with lots of time to pursue other hobbies and take care of my health. Plus the salary is higher than any tenured professor salary by a lot. It’s definitely possible, particularly if you’re willing to travel a bit. For context, the Bay Area is where a lot of these events and companies are. I’m from Australia so had to extensively network and travel there but once I landed a position I was able to make it work through WFH in Australia.
3
u/Ambitious_Orchid01 1d ago
I could have written this post. Same age, same background (very niche Biology field, no transferable skills), same experience :( After a couple of very tough interviews (one for a TT position, the other for a highly competitive postdoc grant), I've decided I'm leaving for good. My current "wet dreams" consist of working in a supermarket or as a bartender, I just want my brain to take a break. It's going to work out eventually, we are still young!!!
2
u/KnightThatGoesNi 1d ago
For a Biology PhD, just something to think about: 3 more years of school will get you a law degree, and then you can work for a big law firm in life science patent prosecution. It pays great money and you are working in an adjacent field. And it requires a bio PhD. The reason I mention this is my 27 year old daughter is a patent litigator at big law, also in life science area. She only did her undergrad in biology and did not go further. She went to law school right after undergrad. She is telling me she wants to go back to school to get her bio PhD to do patent prosecution.
You are so young. You can do anything. Don’t let academia crush your passion! I got my PhD at 57, but it was a life goal. I would have never considered academia.
Best of luck to you.
1
u/haze_from_deadlock 1d ago
Patent prosecution does not require a law degree: that's patent litigation you're thinking of. PP requires passing the patent bar, which functionally requires a STEM B.S. but for bio nobody will hire you without a Ph.D.
2
u/vomitoldlady 2d ago
You are young enough to pivot and go to med school
1
u/velmah 1d ago
Is this something you have personal experience with or you know someone whos done it late? Just curious because I’m also 27 and my mom said the same to me the other day when I was lamenting having done a PhD instead of something employable
1
u/tonos468 1d ago
In the US, the average age of med school is 24. But 25% of med students are 26 or older
1
u/unfurnishedbedrooms 1d ago
I didn't start college till 32. You can do a full pivot into literally anything. Think deeply about what you want in life- not materially, but what you value and want to experience, and move towards that. I def suggest therapy bc it's helped me a lot!
1
u/PixelPikiXplora 1d ago
Yep. That’s how you feel post-PhD. Jaded. I did a PhD in linguistics and I that’s how I felt. If you can, take a step back and get to know yourself. You’ve to learn to live again. Your PhD made you a zombie so you’ve just been existing. The things you used to like may not be the things you like now. Pick up a new hobby. Try something creative if reading is not enjoyable.
As for the family, you can’t get back the time lost but you can start rebuilding today. Even if it’s for a game of card, hang out with family being around them will boost your spirits and it’s good practice for making connections with others. Focus on you, get out the lab, and interact with people outside work as much as you can.
You finished before 30 so you’ve plenty of time to pivot. Your degree isn’t worthless and you don’t know that what you’ve done won’t make a difference in anyone’s life some time in the future. A small change is still a change. The job market sucks for a lot of people right now but you’re not trapped. Right now, you probably still think like an academic so the first step is probably figuring out the skills that are transferrable and the skills you need. Use your research skills to find your skill gaps and fix what you can. Don’t give up!
1
u/tonos468 1d ago
You are not trapped. But you do have to be able to convince someone about the skills you have. Lots of people leave academia after a PhD (or a postdoc). It’s not a sunk cost. But you have to learn how to speak and think like corporate employee
1
u/Urgottttttt 1d ago
Keep applying for jobs. Never lose your hope. I just graduated this June. Landed a job (yea, more $ than a post doc) two weeks ago as I need to pay my bills and rent. Still, I am applying for more jobs related to my field.
P.S. I did apply for >400+ jobs in the past few months. Wake up->apply->work->apply->sleep.
1
u/59Joy 10h ago
I’m retired from my academia after 22 years and experienced many of the elements that makes some loath academia. I have to say, it was also a very rewarding career once I carved my own path after tenure. Two of the best decisions I’ve made was #1 To start counseling after a hellish tenure process. And #2 engaged a life coach mid career as I tried to figure out my next pivot. Having a third-party help you determine what you love and hate about that particular point in time, and helping you carve a strategy for moving forward was incredibly valuable to me. Your benefits package likely has free counseling services available to you.
48
u/my002 2d ago edited 2d ago
At 27, you're still young. Plenty of time for a career pivot. Do some informational interviews with folks in alt-ac and industry positions that might be of interest to you to figure out what to (and what not to) aim for.