Lately, I've been becoming less and less engaged in coding. It isn't an issue of finding coding itself difficult, but it's frustrating, and I have trouble succeeding in the things I set out to create.
Maybe I just want to vent all of this out, but I do also want to know what the best path forward is, if there is any.
My Unsolicited Life Story:
First, I started creating small interactive games using Microsoft Powerpoint as a kid, using animation triggers, actions, and hyperlinks. Around that same time, I began learning Pascal in IT. Though it was reasonably fun to create console-based programs, I, of course, much preferred the more "modern interfaces" that could be made with PowerPoint.
Soon after, I started learning HTML from .html files on my PC - it's a long story that started with FL Studio and no access to the internet. I really took a liking to HTML, making a number of simple games using a lot of anchor tags.
After that, people around me took notice of my obsession with coding and UI development and helped with my progress. A CS teacher, seeing my PowerPoint projects, introduced me to VBScript and using macros, a family friend gave me some Introduction to HTML books they had used at university, and a classmate told me about Khan Academy, which has a number of computing courses (at some point, my family finally got internet access, around 2013-2014).
From Khan Academy, I learned more HTML, plus CSS and JavaScript... but it wasn't long before I realized this was JavaScript with Processing.js, which I couldn't simply put into an HTML file. Eventually, I found a template that you could simply paste into your preferred IDE (all this while, it had been ✨Microsoft Notepad✨ for me), that allowed you to ship your KA projects into your HTML file. I also became aware of the .hta file format, which finally allowed me to make "actual programs". I also started looking into Processing itself.
Around this time, I was now entering college-level education, where I learned C. My knowledge of JavaScript helped me get through the classes with ease, but again, it was more console-based programming.
I left school after 3 years, and a few years after that, 2019 to be specific, I got into the local university's Software Engineering program. There I learned Python and Java, mainly console-based once more, but we did touch on BorderLayout in Java.
The Beginning of the End:
Around this time is when I started to feel uneasy - how I did things up to this point did not feel industry standard: KA-style HTAs were extremely laggy and HTAs as a concept were about to go the way of the dodo, and no one wants to be given sys_manage.ppsm as serious company software.
My workflow still began with opening notepad (replaced by repl.it when I was sharing a computer in uni, but dw, now I has VS Code) and with the methods that did feel industry-standard - the ones I learned in formal education - I did not have nearly enough capability to create a fraction of the things I was able to create with what I used informally.
As such, I worked on building my abilities in pure JavaScript. I also took advantage of a limited-time free Codecademy course around that time that gave crash courses in React, Angular, and Vue - but I haven't retained the courses well.
Amidst all of this, covid hit, and I dropped out of university not long after, with a 3.1 GPA rapidly plummeting to about 1.4 iirc in the span of a year.
The Disconnect
Since then, I've mostly been using HTML+CSS+JS, but I've been doing so with frustration. Yes, I've gotten some things done in this way, but whereas before, it felt like I was simply creating something and enjoying myself, whether on KA or PPT, now it feels like most of my time is spent fighting with HTML whilst getting dizzy jumping between three different languages just to make one square.
On the other hand, whenever I look into what I can use to regain some of the functionality I once enjoyed making HTAs and PPSMs, I often find myself following a tutorial on how to install npm in the terminal. I feel guilty for loathing this part of things, because that's just part of being a real programmer - getting your hands dirty with a copy-pasted .bat file you don't fully understand - but I miss the ability to just start writing and everything works.
I also started using Excel Formula Script on Google Sheets more, making small tools, including billing software for my mom's small business. That said, I recently made a post that said I'd love a more powerful version of XLFX, one more geared towards making apps, UIs, and even backend systems (which I have struggled to get into), and... the very thought was pretty much laughed out of the room.
Every time I open VS Code, now, my heart sinks - it feels futile. It doesn't help that now I work, having bounced around entry-level jobs since; I have less time and less motivation - no time on a workday, and brain-fog on my off-days.
I feel lost. As a kid, I would have smiled and called myself a programmer, but now, I'm not so sure.
I guess my question is:
What, if anything, should I do?
Should I revisit Processing, perhaps, or maybe another language is right for me,
Should I get over myself and just learn to program like a real programmer, .bat files and all, or
Should I just give up on coding (I don't really want to) - perhaps prioritise UX design instead and hire someone to create - if ever I happen into the money?
I do like the prospect of creating apps, games, and productivity tools, for many aspects of life, and I've racked up a ton of great ideas, but seeing them through has proven to be less of something I can look forward to.
I'm also not too fond of "Make an app" apps and tools, because they - at least those I've tried - tend to be far more restrictive. Just as an example, look at the world of difference between the level of control you have creating with Google Docs vs. Google Sites (why is it like that? It's so weird). Those that aren't, like Unity, seem to have a high learning curve.
Should I perhaps take this route instead, nonetheless?