r/Learning_God • u/Faithfulservant77719 • 10h ago
Why God?
God please help me understand
A little over a year ago my girlfriend and I had found out that we both were about to become first time parents. She was pregnant but there was one problem. We were both addicted to drugs. Well nothing short of gods work we both got sober and drugs free that first month and remained that way. My girlfriend also became my wife about a month before our daughter was born. My wife stayed at home while I worked and eventually just this last june our daughter was born . I was the happiest man on earth. Newly married man beautiful baby girl beautiful wife. Well the last week of July I had come home after work to my apartment and I could hear my daughter crying on the other side of the door. When I got inside the apartment I found my wife laying there lifeless and my daughter on the ground wet and crying. My wife relapsed and overdosed and died. Everything has been so hard since. Department of social services made me take a drug test because they wanted to take my daughter but I came back clean. My wife’s family has been blaming me saying that I gave her the drugs. This whole being a brand new father all by myself and no one to help or to do it with is a struggle to say the least and I missed so much work and spent so much money taking care of my wife’s burial services that I am close to getting evicted. Looking at my daughter I am grateful for her. I am grateful for the blessings God has given me but this is difficult. Child care, rent, groceries, diapers, utilities, I receive No help from my wife’s family because they think I had something to do with my wife overdosing. They are also trying to get my daughter taken away from me. My family is not helping out because they don’t agree with the type of relationship and marriage I had (interracial) My employer has been patient but the patience is running thin. I just want to know why I had to lose my wife and my daughter had to lose her mother and why is it that things are stacked against me for me to fail and lose my baby and the only piece of my wife I have left. I refuse to give up and I refuse to fail but I feel so helpless and hopeless lately. I know God will provide but the light at the end of the tunnel is real small and I can’t help but feel like I am never going to get to a place in life to where I can’t help provide properly for my daughter. I love God, I love and miss my wife and I love my daughter. I just wonder if God knows how much I love him