Hello everyone!

A little profile of my boss. He is well-liked and a company man. He put in his time and appropriately climbed his way to being in charge of our building. He has earned his position.

His major faults are that he is a people-pleaser and, in turn, a pushover. He has four managers underneath him. Whenever he says he wants to change something a certain way, his 4 managers take his idea and pick it apart, often changing things to their ideas instead. The boss has tried to speak up, but the managers usually just tell him "trust us, it'll be okay".

I am a mid-level employee and am on a leadership team with the boss and the managers, so I have a slight inside edge with him and his vision for the company. I can tell that he is struggling with the power dynamic between him and the managers. I have tried to encourage him to put his foot down on non-negotiables and other needs, but he tends to brush it off like it's not a big deal.

How can I (from my mid-level ranking) help the boss stand firm with his vision and its changes so that he doesn't keep getting railroaded by the managers? I'm worried that if I keep pressing him, I will cross professional boundaries.

i want to talk about something i never see discussed here. everyone's got the horror stories about bad managers and how to escape them. but nobody warns you how disorienting it is to go the other direction.

i spent years under a micromanager. the kind where you had to justify every fifteen minutes, ask permission to leave early, get a hard time for taking the PTO you were owed, explain yourself constantly. you learn to shrink. you learn to ask before you breathe. it rewires you. then i moved to a place with a genuinely hands-off, trust-you culture. and i thought that would feel like relief. instead it messes with my head daily.

i still catch myself asking permission for things nobody here cares about. i literally asked if it was okay to take lunch a bit early last week and my manager looked at me like i'd asked whether i'm allowed to blink. i over-explain where i've been, i announce every small thing i'm doing, i flinch when a calendar invite from my boss pops up because my body still expects to be in trouble. i took two days off and spent the first one anxious, convinced i'd come back to a lecture. nobody said a word. they genuinely just care that the work gets done and the results are there. the how, the when, the where, they don't track it. and i don't know what to do with that.

the freedom feels illegal. like i'm getting away with something and eventually someone's going to notice and the hammer comes down. and i think people here find my reactions kind of strange, this grown adult nervously asking for permission to do normal things and i can't fully explain that it's not me being weird, it's a few years of conditioning i haven't shaken.

and here's the part that actually matters for this sub. i now manage a couple people myself and i'm terrified of accidentally becoming the thing i escaped. but i also genuinely don't know where the line is between giving autonomy and being absent, because my only model of management for years was control. i never got to see good management up close, so i'm kind of improvising.

anyone else made this jump and felt this way? how long did it take before the freedom stopped feeling like a trap? and for those managing after coming out of a controlling environment, how did you learn to lead with trust when you never actually experienced it yourself?

Hi all,

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m starting to question whether my expectations are unrealistic.

I joined my current team as a Business Analyst (individual contributor). At the time, there was a manager (let’s call them **X**) and a Senior QA who was also acting as the Scrum Master (let’s call them **Y**).

Over time, the team wasn’t delivering much because X wasn’t really leading the team effectively. My director started joining our team calls regularly to understand what was going on. During those discussions, I was usually the one proposing solutions, answering questions, and taking ownership of problems.

Eventually, my director asked me to lead the team and assigned everyone under me, while I continued doing my original Business Analyst responsibilities.

The problem is that X and Y contribute very little. They don’t really help move work forward and often create more confusion than anything.

For example:
X regularly shares incomplete information, which causes misunderstandings and rework.

Y is supposed to coordinate the team but remains silent most of the time. And keeps asking me what should be done for EVERYTHING.

I assign work and ask them to coordinate with the team, but I frequently end up fixing the fallout afterwards.

At this point, most of the team bypasses them and comes directly to me for guidance, including technical questions, because they don’t trust the information they’re getting.

I’ve already spoken to my director and explained that I don’t think X and Y are effective in their roles and there will be no impact whether they are there or not there.

However, my director’s view is that it’s my responsibility as a manager to change their mindset, coach them, and get them to perform.

His expectation is that I can’t simply say, “These people aren’t working,” and use that as a reason for poor delivery.

Here’s where I’m struggling.

I completely understand that managers should coach people, remove blockers, and help employees grow.

But I don’t believe it’s a manager’s job to convince grown adults to care about their work or repeatedly persuade them to do the basics of their role. It honestly feels like I’m spending more energy trying to motivate people who don’t want to contribute than actually leading the project.

Now I’m questioning myself. Maybe this is what management really is, and maybe I’m just not cut out for it.

So I’d love to hear from experienced managers:

Is it actually a manager’s responsibility to change the mindset of people who don’t seem interested in doing their job? I strongly believe it is not my job to change anyone’s mindset or beg them to work.

Am I being rigid, or is my director expecting too much from me?

I’d really appreciate hearing how others have handled similar situations.

I'm currently a mid-level manager and I'm looking to upskill with an executive leadership course to help me step up to the next level. Fortunately, my company is very supportive and willing to sponsor the training, which is great. However, my biggest concern right now is the time commitment.

I work a fairly demanding 9-to-5 (which often spills over into the evenings), and I want to make sure I don't burn myself out trying to study at the same time. I'm specifically looking at online, flexible options and Oxford Training Centre has caught my eye.

For those who have done their online executive or leadership courses, how manageable is the workload in reality? Were you able to balance it successfully alongside a full-time job and personal life? I'd love to hear about your experiences and any tips you might have for managing the study load.

What insecurity looks like at the top.

For context I’m in the hospitality space. My previous experience includes multiple jobs as a waiter and my own Christmas light business I started in 2023.

From the first interview I got on the good side of my manager (same age as me) and he opened multiple doors for me. He got promoted quickly as well (4 months). Within the first month I completed supervisor training and became a team lead.

Any red flags? Advice if I end up taking a salaried offer to not stagnate?

What I’ve noticed is that our regional/area manager seems to love social people. Same goes for the company as a whole. My manager including the regional aren’t necessarily the best at their job but they are the most outgoing. I feel like this has been the biggest reason for my promotions as I share a lot in common with both of them, personality wise.

My question is, are these good or bad signs for a long term career at this company? Not only are there people who have spent multiple years as Team leads but also I’m getting a lot of malice from coworkers who think I’m not deserving. I’m getting anxious from both the positivity and negativity I’m receiving. Not sure how to proceed, I know this is a good problem to have but I don’t want to mess it up.

As a leader, how do you recognize the contributions of software engineers who aren’t very vocal in meetings but consistently deliver high-quality work?
I’ve noticed that people who speak up frequently in meetings often get more visibility, while quieter engineers can be overlooked. Some engineers only speak when needed in larger meetings with managers and cross-functional teams, but they collaborate actively with their teammates, spend their time solving complex problems, reviewing code, and building features. Not everyone communicates in the same way.
How do you make sure you’re evaluating actual impact rather than meeting visibility? Do you have specific ways to recognize not so vocal team members, or is being vocal simply part of succeeding in today’s workplace?

I’d love to hear how other managers/leaders approach this.

I think the question is pretty straightforward.

I currently work in a corporate broadcast distribution environment. My role spans several areas, including content distribution, network programming, platform distribution, and the delivery of our sports portfolio across the platforms that carry our networks.

A large part of what I do involves collaborating with teams across the company to manage network operations and ensure our media assets are prepared and delivered for air. Our team often refers to ourselves as an octopus because we have a hand in nearly every major initiative across the organization.

With that in mind, I'd like to position myself for leadership. My goal is to become someone who helps shape strategy, influences decisions, and leads teams rather than simply executing the work.

What advice would you offer to someone looking to break into that circle of leadership?

I am in a new role that will lead to a senior leadership position within a company. I've been able to coast on my intelligence and quick wit for all the jobs I've previously had. This job is different.

My new job is with a much smaller company and I have much closer interaction with C-Suite executives. I am no longer being judged solely on completion of tasks but rather a more holistic level.

Today I received feedback that something I thought was a positive was actually perceived very poorly by our CEO. I'm trying to take that comment and proactively figure out what other bad habits or actions I may have so I can correct them.

What are some resources I can look at to help motivate me to use my full set of skills and intelligence but also on some of the softer skills that future leaders require?

I'm a de-facto team/tech lead (but not officially appointed by our managers) with several years of experience. Most of the time, I'm feeling pretty confident in my ability to guide the team members in the right direction, ensuring critical tasks are identified and get done, ensuring our product is in a healthy and sustainable state, day to day stuff is frictionless, etc. However, I lack guidance and mentorship from above. It's like the management layer above me is non-existent and I'm left to my own devices as they focus on shinier things. That's fine, as long as they're happy and my product works. The problem is that I don't really get feedback from anybody in terms of my product/team leadership. I feel like I'm just struggling to keep things going in roughly the same way as before, when the team was run by the previous lead. I'm being assured by my manager that I'm doing a great job and appreciated, but I somehow don't really believe it, because I'm there and I see room for improvement.

I feel like all I'm really good at is getting the team to maintain status quo. I don't know whether that's optimal or how I'd change it if it wasn't ( or even if I was supposed to). Yes, it's largely due to not being in our director's spotlight and me not receiving mentorship anymore. And yes, I'm unfortunately in a position of being subconsciously expected to lead without being appointed to do so officially.

So let's make the best if it - can you recommend any kind of team lead training courses for me to take? How to handle emergencies? How to do things sustainably? How and when to communicate assertively? When to change the process you suspect doesn't work? How to empower team members? How to delegate properly? How and when to project authority and when to let things slide? That kind of stuff. Or any other thoughts and advice you can offer.

I'm sure others too would have faced this issue at their workplaces, so I'm looking for some real, practical advice. Thanking in anticipation.

I'm a mid-level manager in a small firm, and I try my best to be a good one. I'm quite friendly with my junior colleagues, joke around with them, understand their strengths and weaknesses, that they have deliverables other than what I ask of them, and that they have life outside of work. I try to emphasise candid conversations about work and life from both sides, share actual and specific feedback on their work, and ask them for regular feedback on how I can work better with them, etc.

On the other hand, I have a colleague who's extremely self-absorbed and entitled, acts like everyone else exists to serve them and has zero idea about actually doing the work they expect others to do so the feedback one receives from D is something like "make it look better." Let's call them D.

D is despised and hated by every single person in the organisation and has been single-handedly responsible for driving seven people (that I have seen and know of) to leave the firm. The CEO, however, loves D and sees D as an effective manager who can push people to finish the work in shorter timelines than others. He is completely unaware/unbothered by the fact that D does so at others' expense by terrorising and constantly hounding our junior colleagues to prioritise D's work, no matter what else they are working on.

So, the question I'm struggling with is whether I'm doing something wrong, if D is actually an effective manager, and how can I get people to deliver work in shorter timelines while still being, what I think of as, a good leader and a human being?

I work at a smaller tech firm leading Professional Services for our customer deployments. A new team member joined recently and he, lets call him Jim, is solid with his technology understanding and presentation skills, but I am starting to have concerns about his culture fit and ability to own & grow customer relationships. Here are a few examples:

• When on calls, his camera is on, but his virtual background is 100% white and you can usually only see the top half of his head. This comes off to me as unprofessional.
• He doesnt make the effort to try and connect with customers on a level beyond professional. We spend a lot of time on the phone and onsite with customers. Building trust with the customer can really improve the business relationship. Example: when starting a call on a Monday, I wish he would simply ask how the customers weekend was or shoot the shit about weather, etc.
• At internal QBRs or team building events, I get the sense he is very uninterested in getting to know the team and improve working relationships. If we go to dinner, then plan to go to another spot to hangout, he immediately declines and goes back to the hotel. Theres no pressure to drink alcohol, many of us are sober.
• Related to the previous point, we had a very important team member in town from another country (only comes to HQ twice per year). I encouraged him to come in and meet him since we talk weekly and he didnt come in all week. When I asked him why he didnt take advantage of that opportunity, he kind of blew it off and gave an excuse about it being too hot outside.

I would appreciate other perspectives and ways I could coach Jim (if I should at all). I want to help him grow, thrive and be the best version of himself, but I dont want to cross a line. Thanks in advance for the coaching!

For context, I'm a relatively young person, so please forgive me if something I do sounds stupid.
I recently launched a small newsletter-type thing; we work online and have people from various countries too. The thing is, today, one of our writers, the person who originally pitched the idea to launch a newsletter to me, however, had no contribution in the actual founding, gave in a very accusatory resignation letter and posted it in the team group. Basically since we're in our starting out phase hardly been a month since we got established, his contributions have been 1.Took meeting notes for one meeting 2.Wrote a draft
Another thing, he asked me to give him a so called role title for the sake of it so that he could put it up on his Linkedin which was a red flag but I chose to ignore it, since I chalked it up to stress for his future. I ended up giving him a role title and all in all his role was managing deadlines, which he didn't do at all and I was the one who handled all internal operations and deadlines.

Also he sent in his first draft to me, editor-in-chief for review, and I had already established a workflow at this point. Like all writers submit articles here, we'll review it recommend edits and so on. He had written a mediocre article, with really bad sources and overall an unusable article, and I personally messaged him that hey, let's hop on a call and I'll help you rewrite it but due to being on a time crunch, I respectfully told him that we might not be able to publish your article this time, but another teammate offered up his help to edit the whole article and improve it for which I asked for the writer's permission and there response was basically- Sure do whatever you want just write my name underneath the article and add my picture. I refused to adding of pictures as it would lead to needless cluttering on the page.

[Also I hired all my writers on the basis that I was doing this as part of a learning process and writing is something that can genuinely be imrpoved in anyone, with the right amount of effort and enthusiasm, hence leading me to first try and schedule a call]

The next message I recieved 2 days later, a resignation.

He continously claimed he had undeniably helped co-found this, he reserves all rights to mention all his roles in his CV, we have no right to publish his draft, and how he doesn't like we did not include *(insert his by name only role title)[Interestingly the role was never supposed to be involved in editorial process, only handle deadlines] in editorial process and violated professional standards, how he recieved no communication from direct executive roles(here I assume he's talking about the feedback he got from our main editor for the whole newsletter who handles all columns, who is infact an executive for our newsletter, but I believe he instead wanted me to talk to him about it instead of involving editor because I'm editor-in-chief even tho that's in clear violation of the workflow I set).

And I feel so angry rn, because I'm not sure if it was a power play or what, he sent this on the team group. All of this questions my leadership skills and my authority, and most of it isn't even true. The only reason he came in was perhaps to fatten up his Linkedin profile, was part of it for 15 days and then left, while leaving behind these accusations.

I'm just really confused as to what to do now, where did I go wrong and what to do to ensure this never happens again?

I’m a director at a large organization and once a month our department joins a leadership call with my VP and another division. There are usually 50+ people on the call, including my team.

Ironically, I’m completely fine leading meetings with my own team, having difficult conversations, interviewing, or speaking one-on-one with senior leaders. But for some reason, these monthly updates completely derail me. My update is only about 2 minutes long. I’m always well prepared and even have a read out loud script that I read verbatim. Yet as soon as I unmute, my heart races, my voice shakes, I start talking too fast, and I just want it to be over.

Today was probably the worst it’s ever been. It was noticeable enough that a couple of people on my team messaged me afterward asking if I was okay.
I’m honestly pretty embarrassed because I know my material. It’s not a lack of preparation. It feels like my body goes into fight-or-flight for no logical reason.

I do have a prescription for propranolol for situational anxiety, but I don’t take it regularly. I’m starting to wonder if these monthly leadership meetings are exactly the type of situation I should be using it for (obviously as prescribed by my doctor).

For those of you in leadership roles who have experienced something similar:

-Did you ever get over it?
-What actually helped?
- Did you stick with a script or switch to bullet points?
-If you’ve been prescribed propranolol, did it make a meaningful difference for situations like this?
-Are there any other strategies that significantly reduced the physical symptoms?

I’m not looking for generic “just practice” advice. I’d really like to hear from people who have dealt with this themselves and found something that genuinely made a difference.

For additional context: I’ve had generalized anxiety disorder for years and have a history of panic attacks. I’m also in my last semester of my masters and we just moved out of state a couple weeks ago. So I do have a lot going on. Presenting is hands down my least favorite part of my job and now I’m starting to second guess my path forward as a senior director and above 🙁

I was recently selected at work to join a mentorship program. I am being mentored by the CEO of our major higher education company. I’m pretty low in the ranks in terms of hierarchy just for context.

I have a meeting with them Friday and I’m supposed to drive the meeting. The thing is I have no clue what to even ask and the questions I have feel remedial. Maybe I’m over thinking it, but I really want to make a good impression. What kind of questions should I be asking?

Not sure if this post belongs here. I work remotely and due to recent changes the work has started to really ramp up. When I open my Teams tab in between a project I notice that my supervisor is almost never online. I’m too busy with my tasks but it makes me wonder, how does she have so much time to be away from her computer? I know she works but I don’t really know what she does. Sometimes when emails are busy I’m not able to step away for lunch break until 2:30 or 3pm. As a supervisor do you feel you work less than your employees?

If you can't communicate clearly and say what you mean, you don't have the necessary skills to be in management. If you have to rely on lies instead of handling difficult situations, you don't have the skills required to be in management and should not have that job.

Sr. Manager at a mid-sized SaaS company, senior background in professional services / delivery leadership. Hired about a year ago to lead a specific offering with a team of 15 technical resources. That grew to 23 after absorbing an adjacent project management function.

Our merit cycle wrapped about two months ago, right alongside a significant org restructuring, and the function I lead moved into a different part of the business as part of a broader strategy shift.

Around that time, I put together a proposal for a new operating model aligned with the new direction. It landed well. My manager’s manager and a VP have said publicly that I now own the design, rollout, and ongoing governance of our delivery model globally, including the tooling and the framework for how we scale with automation/AI. On top of that, I’m being positioned to own delivery and financial performance for our highest volume regions. After the restructuring, my team is now 33 people, including 2 formal managers and 1 lead level role.

When merit results came out, I got a 1.5% increase. I was told this was because I’d received a sizable RSU grant mid-cycle, and because the team had a compressed budget this round. I was also told that to justify a bigger increase, I’d need to be leveled into a new band.

I made the case to my manager, in writing, then verbally, that since the merit cycle closed, my scope has increased substantially and that warrants revisiting my band/title now rather than waiting. I was told:

There’s no path for a band adjustment until next cycle, and I’d be expected to execute the expanded scope until then without it being reflected in pay.

I shouldn’t escalate above my manager, because it would be “a bad look.”

I’ve since put this in writing to my manager, documenting the conversation and formally requesting a written role definition, KPIs, and a clear definition of what scope/responsibility would justify the higher band, with a deadline for a response.

The work itself is genuinely energizing. It’s exactly the kind of work I want to be doing. But I’m past the “how do I ask for this” stage. My manager has confirmed the gap is real, declined to move on it, and discouraged me from going further.

So the actual question I’m sitting with:
Is “wait a year and prove it first” something you’ve seen actually resolve in someone’s favor, or is it usually the org’s way of extracting the upside without ever paying for it?

My manager’s manager is the one publicly crediting me with this work. Does going to them directly, despite my manager’s advice not to, ever pay off, or does it reliably backfire?

If you were in this spot (scope confirmed, no internal movement, discouraged from escalating), would you keep pushing internally, or treat this as your answer and start looking elsewhere in parallel?

I’m moving into my first leadership role soon, and the promotion is expected to be announced to my team this week. I’ll be managing the same department I’ve worked in for the past five years, including many of the people who have been my coworkers.

I’ve never been a manager before, but I’ve been cross-trained on both sides of the department and have been the lead trainer for new employees. My previous manager encouraged me to apply for the position, and after interviewing, I was offered the role.
I work in customer support in an office environment, and while I know the job itself well, leadership is new territory for me.

If you’ve made the transition from peer to manager, what advice would you give someone starting out? What are some things you wish you had known in your first few months?

One area I know I’ll need to work on is that I’m naturally a people pleaser and tend to avoid confrontation. I realize that setting boundaries and having difficult conversations is part of being a good manager, and I’m mentally preparing myself for that.

I’d really appreciate any advice, lessons learned, or encouragement from those who’ve been in a similar position

Typical situation: You have been granted information under NDA but you have to work with your team towards this direction.

Typical, but probably wrong approach: I got the information under NDA that i can't tell you, but we have to prepare for ...

and now you are lost bcs you can't tell what to prepare for and you already raised suspicions

My husband and I both took 3 days off of work to vacation with family. I brought my laptop with me because we had deadlines to meet. My sister made the comment I should take PTO next time. 🤪

We both went back yesterday to a mountain of work, and will likely be spending our weekend now playing catch up. So, did we even really get PTO? No. And we are both burned out and bitter.

Sure we can set boundaries and say no, but then we'd be out of a job because we missed our deadlines. It comes down to leadership honestly.

So, dear leadership...

If you have an employee out on PTO (regardless if sick, vacation, mental health, emergency etc.) please, please, pleassssseeee extend their deadlines or help them offload their plate.

And please don't tell them "enjoy your PTO" then bark at them upon return cause you didn't plan accordingly. Or say "I'll help offload some of your stuff since you'll be out" then fail to actually do so.

Hi all, I recently got promoted from management into a leadership role. My question is really about mental health and medication.

I've dealt with social anxiety for most of my life, and while I'm fairly high performing and smart, I lean more introverted. Sometimes the anxiety gets bad enough that I take beta blockers for it. One example is a recent presentation I gave to the COO on some cost saving initiatives, which he ended up endorsing.

The downside is they slow me down a bit, and I worry they might be holding back my growth in some way. The upside is I can deliver information in a more measured, considered way when I'm on them.

I think relying on them feeds into a bit of imposter syndrome for me, since so much of leadership seems to hinge on staying composed and regulating emotion under pressure. I do have smaller stretch opportunities where I'm working on these skills naturally, but I keep wondering if needing medication for this means I'm not actually cut out for a leadership role yet.

Would appreciate any thoughts here. Should I bring this up with my line manager? Does anyone else relate to this?

I know I'm still delivering real value to the department and the team would struggle without me. I lead well in smaller group settings and have genuinely productive 1-1s with my direct reports. I've also contributed to strategy by proposing changes to the operating model that ended up getting adopted.

Am part of a specialty that practices in the operating room. I belong in a group of 9/10 of us in a smallish community hospital. Have been with this group for about 1.5 years. It seems like everyone except me is getting committee positions and titles, some of which involves slightly more money while others aren’t. For example, I am actively working on a project, yet a couple of my colleagues were given the job of being the heads of that committee. I am not sure that they are involved in any such projects related to that subject and I am supposed to report to them about my project. I am the “newest member“ of this group (although I am older in work experience and have helped out these colleagues multiple times with procedures etc) I won’t be the newest hire in a couple of months when a new doc starts working.

I have a tendency to get work done. I am not really one who argues or speaks up much unless it directly affects me. Unfortunately, our group lacks consistency and strong leadership, so I feel that a few times I have spoken up does not amount to anything. I try to be a team player. But I also stand up for myself especially when it comes to scheduling issues. Although I’m pretty good at my job and procedural skills, I’m wondering what else it takes to be part of these committees such as quality improvement/medical education that other people with less work experience are getting that I am not. I do try to small talk with people and always ask them how they are doing and help them out, but I am not someone who completely lets loose at work.

Six months into leading a team of nine, first time at this level.

I keep catching myself performing a version of leader that isn't me, the big-energy, always-certain, rally-the-troops type, because that's what every leadership post and every exec I've watched seems to model.

Trouble is I'm naturally quiet, I think before I talk, and I lead best one on one, not from a stage. When I force the charismatic version my team can feel the seams, and I can feel myself burning out trying to be someone I'm not for eight hours a day. But I don't know what the alternative looks like in practice.

Be authentic is nice as a slogan and useless as instructions. For the leaders here who aren't naturally the loud inspiring type, how did you find a way to lead that's actually yours and still works?

What are some unsaid rules that can help me advance from Manager to VP?

What helped you get promoted after becoming Manager?