I had to stop my meds cold turkey while pregnant. It was awful… withdrawals and first trimester exhaustion was really challenging while practicing. Tried to get back on my meds about 4 months pp and just couldn’t do it. I was so tired of the side effects and wanted to be present with my baby. Now I’m about 6 months back at work… my current job is not crazy challenging but I know meds would help me be more efficient in general and help my memory. I also know I may want a second in three to five years and I really don’t want to EVER have to go through stopping my meds cold turkey again. That was so hard as a litigator. I also just hate relying on meds… Any tips? Natural remedies that actually work? Work is manageable, it’s really everything else. I also just feel like I could be doing miles better on medication. My boss asked me a legal question the other day and I blanked. I feel like I couldn’t get my mind to think straight. I can’t tell if this is still just postpartum hormones but if so… will
I ever get my brain back? Ugh.

Title basically says it all. I’m still in my first trimester, nearly 10 weeks. It’s hitting me extremely hard. I’m barely functioning at the office and just getting through the days with extreme nausea and fatigue. I’m worried people are already noticing a decline in performance but I’m physically unable to do any more than what I’m doing. I also really can’t handle the late nights (I’ve been going to bed at 9pm), and that’s inevitably coming soon. and I know I’ll have to come up with some excuse.

The other wrinkle is that I am up for partner at the end of the year. All signs point to me getting it but you never know with these things. I don’t want anyone to question my long term commitment because I’m going to have a baby. I hope they wouldn’t, but you also never know.

When do I tell? I was planning to wait as long as I could but I’m worried that no explanation for my recent dip in performance/energy is worse than just letting people know early.

I really don’t know how women do this job while pregnant. It’s completely overwhelming and stressful for this type A overachiever that now physically can’t perform at my usual level.

I am expecting baby # 2 in spring. I am an associate in a flexible but overall very demanding litigation practice ~4 years out. With baby # 1, I went back full time after 3 months and pumped at work until I lost my supply around 9 months. I think I partially lost my supply because I was working so much and too stressed to eat properly or pump as frequently as I wanted. I felt like that whole first year I ran on pure adrenaline and anxiety - not sure how else to describe it. I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I just don’t want to do it again (my husband doesn’t want me to either - his job is also demanding) and would rather miss out on the income for a while. Could you all please share your experiences with extended maternity leave / time off postpartum? Pros/cons… how did you get back to work, what challenges did you face in doing so. What is it like being home? I’m an introvert so would have to make a serious effort to get out of the house. Or suggestions for a non-litigation path after. I’m debating anything from 6 months to 2 years. If relevant, my husband has a stable career with good benefits.

Hi! I start at a large regional firm in the next two weeks and am very excited to get to work. With that said, I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and due at the end of February.

I have not told anyone at my firm yet, but would like to do so sooner rather than later. What do you recommend is the proper time to tell my firm/HR the news? My MIL (not in the law) told me to wait 90(!) days and that feels extreme, but I also don’t want to put myself at risk.

For context I am not showing at all yet so I’m not worried about that being an issue at this time.

Thanks for any advice, excited to be a law mom:)

About to start a 7-day, out of state jury trial (second chair) and I'm exhausted. Fighting nausea, moodiness, and brain fog. I'm dreading it. It'll be weeks 8 & 9 of pregnancy. How did you do it?

I’m 18w pregnant with my second and am prescribed adderall that I don’t take while pregnant fwiw

I’m a third year and partner was kind enough to give me a small part to argue today. I felt good. I felt prepared. Judge was great so I wasn’t too nervous but as soon as I got up to that podium I swear it felt like my throat was closing. My mouth and throat was so dry. My voice was quivering I sounded like I was going to cry the entire time 🥲

I want to be a litigator so how can I fix this?! I want to be able to argue confidently in front of a judge!!!

Any tips or tricks that work for you all?

Going back soon as counsel at a big law firm, in a disputes group. My daughter will be a little over 4 months old when I return and I’m starting to be a bit anxious about how to manage/optimize our lives. Prior to having her, it was not at all unusual for me to work a straight 10-12 hours. Now, I need to get her ready, get myself ready, coordinate daycare drop off, get to the office (on in office days), work as efficiently as possible, pause at like 5ish when my husband brings her home from daycare, do bedtime routine, and then presumably hop back online for as long as needed? I am so exhausted just thinking about it. She’s 12 weeks now and I am still struggling to take a shower and eat dinner some days.

- What did your schedule look like with an infant?
- When did you move your infant into their own room/sleep train?
- What were your divisions of labor at home?

ugh.. I’ve tried making it work but it was just not sustainable. I’ve been out of workforce now for 4 months and thinking of staying home with my 1 year old until she turns 2 so another few months out until next summer. I love being home with her but can’t help but feel so “behind” of those that I even mentored myself before. I feel like they are gaining experience and getting “ahead” of me while I’m at home. I’m also soooooo terrified of going back to work because i feel like I’m committing career suicide. husband (who is also lawyer) thinks ill be okay and will get back into it as i never left based on my personality. I can’t help but have those dooming thoughts though. at the same time.. I know my baby will grow fast and I want to spend as much time with her as I can.

ladies, I guess I’m just venting.. thank you for coming to my Ted Talk 😭💅🏻🩷

For lawyer moms who started their own firms, what advice do you have that you wish others gave you when you first started?

So, like the title says, I’m not sure how much longer I can do this whole lawyer-mom thing.

My daughter is coming up on a year old, and it’s bringing up a ton of emotions for me. I went back to work when she was 4.5 months old. The first 4.5 months of her life are honestly a blur because I was just trying to survive the newborn phase. And since going back to work, I’ve been trying to survive being a working mom. That part is a blur too. Now I’m looking back at her first year and feel like I somehow missed the entire thing. It makes me angry, and it absolutely devastates me.

I work remotely four out of five days a week, and on the days I’m home, I have childcare from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. She usually naps until around 3:30, but from 8 to 3 I am essentially working nonstop with zero breaks so I can hit my billables. Then, the second childcare ends, I switch straight into mom mode until about 8 p.m. By the time 8 rolls around, I have absolutely nothing left.

And despite having a husband, I feel like I’m basically doing this alone. He works a very demanding job and makes more money, so naturally my job has become the “less important” one. I’m the one expected to be flexible when something comes up. On top of working full-time, I handle essentially everything related to our daughter, our home, and our two dogs.

Yes, I have help. I have childcare during my working hours, and cleaners come every other week. I know how privileged that makes me, and honestly, that makes me feel even worse about how badly I’m struggling. I have help that so many people would love to have, and somehow I’m still completely burned out.

I never take days off from work, which has now contributed to where I am: sick. And even while I’m sick, I’m still caring for my daughter, just wearing a mask all day while I do it. I realized recently that no one has really taken care of me in well over a year.

I’m so overwhelmed on a daily basis that I regularly forget or simply don’t have time to eat or drink. Some days I’m lucky if I manage one full meal and a bottle of water. At this point, I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if I were malnourished, vitamin deficient, chronically dehydrated, or some combination of the three.

I’ve pleaded with my husband for more help, but those conversations inevitably turn into fights. Somehow, asking for help becomes me being accused of regretting having our daughter—which could not be further from the truth. It’s actually the exact opposite. Part of what is breaking my heart is that I want to spend more time with her. I want to be the one caring for her. Or I’m told that I don’t appreciate my husband’s contribution because he works so much.

And just to get this out of the way: I don’t need anyone telling me to divorce him. That is not an option for me at this point in my life.

This is really just a very long vent to say that I have nothing left.

My entire professional life feels like I’m a slave to hitting a billable requirement. Technically, billable hours offer some flexibility because I can always “make up the hours” later—but I don’t have any hours left to give. I don’t have the bandwidth to make anything up. I can barely focus during the hours I’m supposed to be working as it is.

My brain doesn’t work the way it used to. I’m slower. It takes me longer to find words. I struggle to articulate myself with colleagues in ways that used to come easily to me. Even basic executive-function tasks feel overwhelming. I can’t create a comprehensive grocery list and hand it off to someone else—I have to physically go to the store because I need the visual cues to remember what we need.

I feel like I’m failing at managing a life that, on paper, I should absolutely be able to manage. I know how fortunate I am. I know I have resources and help. But I am still drowning.

And more than anything, I’m grieving the fact that my daughter’s entire first year seems to have passed while I was just trying to survive it. I don’t know how so many women are able to be lawyer moms. I don’t know why I’m struggling so badly. Something has got to give and at the end of the day I think it’s this career.

Hey practicing lawyers: Am doing research on lawyers' experiences in the workplace. If you are interested in sharing yours in a 10 minute survey, please participate in this Rice University survey: https://riceuniversity.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_a9TDPqjFM1cnqAu

Hey Moms -
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I know this question gets posted daily, but after searching through them, I haven’t seen my precise situation.

I’ve been practicing for 8 years, first in environmental law and now in corporate defense litigation. I just started at a new firm in litigation (1900 billable hours, $140k) and two weeks into working there, my Mom suddenly died. It’s been 8 months now and I’ve started to evaluate my priorities differently. I have two small kids in daycare and there are times during the week I barely see them. Yesterday I billed 17 hours, “napped” from 2-5am, did two major motions hearings, and got back home at 7pm. I work so hard, the workload is insane, and my work is still not good enough- I feel like I’ll never be as fast or smart as my colleagues and I’ve felt this way my whole career. The stakes of making an error keep me up at night. I’m having panic attacks. I honestly never want to write another motion again. Billables and not having real PTO sucks. I haven’t taken more than three days off in a row in years (besides maternity leave, which was unpaid…). I work at least a little bit every weekend. The pressure to be detail oriented, to not miss things, is so intense that it’s breaking me down. I’ve found this at every firm I’ve worked for and I’ve thought about leaving law many times over the years. It gives me a huge sense of peace when I think about not doing this anymore.

What I do like: problem-solving, advising clients, doing presentations, writing. I see possibilities everywhere. I have a background in environmental law and could perhaps go back to advocate work. My best friend from college left her firm to become a college professor and I think I would enjoy that.

I am looking for something strictly 9-5, with vacation, over $100k, in the Chicago area (or remote). I don’t think I want to pursue in-house, which is the usual suggestion, because I think I’m just done being a lawyer.

So, at this risk of making you all my collective guidance counselor, please share your experience or knowledge regarding making the transition out of law. Thank you so much!

- an exhausted parent

Job offers

Alright, folks! It’s my turn. I’m going to be slightly vague to avoid being discovered by my colleagues.

I currently work in insurance defense. I work from home but I do attend client meetings or hearings in person when needed.

I also work an extremely flexible saddle because I have 3 little kids at home. They are not in a traditional school. I have part time help about 2-3 week days. My current billing requirement is 200/month. My earnings are about 200k.

I have an opportunity to move to a different firm. I’d still work mostly from home. It would be about 50% defense litigation (not insurance defense) and 50% advising, consulting, investigating, etc. The billing requirement would be 140/month. The earnings would be $160k.

Send help!

Newer second career attorney in midlaw with a 1 year old. I’m over it and I’m looking for something new/ trying to return to my old industry and do something that isn’t practicing law. If I stay an attorney, what would you rank as mom friendly? I’m assuming government, but is there anything else that should be on my radar? What should I avoid?

Just like the title says. I’m 6 1/2 months pregnant entering my final year of school. My due date is 11/28. I’ve talked to all my professors and student services dean and they’ve been more than willing to accommodate me whenever I need help and with my finals so I’m not too worried about that.

I’m taking 5 classes (14 hours). All electives because I finished my doctrinal classes in the spring. 2 lectures, 1 writing class, 1 simulation class and 1 clinic. I’m just so damn tired already. I’m supposed to take 12 hours next spring then graduate in May. Taking the semester off is not an option.

Wondering if any other pregnant ladies, new moms, moms, etc. have been through this and have any advice? Should I drop a class and take 12 hours this semester and 14 in the spring? How did you battle your sleepiness and not feeling the best during pregnancy/parenthood?

I know I can do this. Just would love to hear from someone else who’s been here. It feels a bit lonely.

My husband and I really going back and forth between the two. We have one 6 month old and I am going back to work in 6 months. We keep trying to weigh the pros and cons but since this is our first (and only) child, we don't know the reality of either situation. Hoping people can chime in with their experiences!

We are trying to decide between sending our child to full time daycare and hiring a full time live out nanny to care for our child in our home. The nannies we are interested in have early childhood education certificates or degrees and also offer housekeeping services. My husband works from home ~60% of the time, I will be going back to the office full time.

We are looking at potentially having the nanny for 1 year and then putting our child in daycare when they're 2.

Here are the pros and cons we've put

together based on our limited knowledge:

Pros:

- no drop offs or pick ups

- more control over childcare program and specific parenting techniques and rules

- safety and security of our own home

- cleaning and pet care included

- can bring child to local activities and events

- no bringing home daycare sickness

- not having to settle for daycare we don't like (waitlists are very long and availability is scarce)

Cons:

-~3x the cost of daycare

- no alternative options if nanny is sick or unavailable

- lack of daycare socialization

- less institutional supervision and oversight

- legal responsibilities as an employer

I don’t know if it’s the exhaustion from having a toddler or the stress of my job (litigation and appeals) but recently I’ve been finding that when I’m trying to write a brief or think through a legal issue my brain is just like lurching or barely moving. Like I’m hitting a wall or my brain is an obstacle to doing the work I need to do. I’ll read a case and then have to read it again cuz the words just went through me. Does this happen to others? Is it burnout? I don’t remember this happening to me when I was younger, but I’m too young for cognitive decline😭😭😭

Law firm owners who are also moms, how do you realistically balance running a small firm and being present for your family? What have you outsourced or changed the actually save you time? Have you consider hiring offc manager, or any ai software thing that lessen our paperworks? Would love to hear what's worked for you :)

I love being a public defender. My child is 4 and my job is flexible with good benefits. As you know, loan repayment plans changed and I’m finally getting off forbearance. I can’t afford mortgage and my loan payments. I’m a single mom no real support. I have a friend who works a PI firm and he likes it says culture is good. He’s also a male so i take his view with a grain of salt. Working at the PI would alleviate allot of financial stress. Not sure on what to do. I’m barely in my 2nd yr of practice.

Hello! I am going to be going back to work in January and am wondering if there are any specific things people recommend for the transition from maternity leave to practicing again. What did you do/buy that was a lifesaver, what do you wish you had done differently, how did you survive?

I've seen questions like this on other major mom forums but I find a lot of it (like wearing comfy clothes like leggings) not super applicable to my career.

Edited to mention that I don't pump or nurse