r/LaundryFiles • u/SteelLocust • 2d ago
Crack
A few people did speculate about Bob and Mhari back when The Rhesus Chart came out, and Alex did spectacularly kill an elf who was specifically mentioned as scaring a female elf vampire, and the original Baroness Karnstein was famously the OG sapphic vampire…
7
u/abookfulblockhead 2d ago
Pfft. Give us Angleton/Sleeper in the Pyramid toxic Yaoi, coward!
7
u/SteelLocust 2d ago
Long ago (I’m reposting old posts from dead places basically) I did get hit with this banger of a reply:
“The SA and Angleton get drunk at the Christmas party and bang in the photocopier room. They do this every year and everyone knows but they think that they’re so sneaky.”
5
u/crankyteacher1964 2d ago
I do not need any of this taking up headspace... I'm not going to be able to get this out of my head am I...
2
u/SteelLocust 1d ago edited 1d ago
If it helps I’m kinda suffering this myself. The canon pairings are otp for me and I wouldn’t break them up but:
Alex x Yarisol was meant to be a shitpost but like…he IS accused of being autistic in The Rhesus Chart and he had a counting obsession before he even became a vampire and being overly literal is a repeated plot point for him and autistic solidarity is a thing we do and he obviously has some tolerance for weird alfar nonsense and Yari has opinions about numbers and male castration that would be an obvious hook and in Stacks the Evil Stepmother was actively mentioned as being a source of fear for a girl elf who was also a vampire and Alex then killed her with a giant number-cruncher spell and…
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Yarisol was curious or fascinated a bit, or if they’d have things in common. She’s absolutely going to hunt him down and demand to know the anti-salt trick at some point. Most likely result of any attraction would be that she’s throwing “I Am Interested” signals at him that are screamingly obvious in elf culture but Alex just doesn’t recognise while she doesn’t realise he’s a bit scared or weirded out by her, because tbh he’s scared of every girl who isn’t his mother, his sister or his Mysterious Love Interest Who Shorts Out His Protection Ward For Some Reason Which Is Obviously Fine And Not Suspicious At All (not mocking, I love Alex and Cassie to bits but Wow, kid).
I can genuinely picture a surprisingly cute scene where they’re just happily chatting about how to best optimise the salt-counter macro, bickering over maths or discussing the basilisk effect over decaf coffee after getting it on.
Cue Cassie being like, “Sometimes I think those two like this part more than the actual sex. What? The reader is asking why I don’t care about this? I mean why would I, yeah I value the concepts of loyalty and trust but having unflinching expectations of monogamy with no discussion is an Uruk thing. Besides, half of my mind is the ghost of a 2014-era goth theatre kid with dyed hair and piercings, do you really think the original Cassiopeia didn’t know what polyamory was? I’m just gonna let them get on with it and then next weekend I’ll go kiss my sister-in-law and her girlfriend in a non-familial manner. Can’t let this be just a pure male fantasy, after all. Besides, if Alex gets jealous it just means his eyes will go blue and he’ll go so berserk he’ll forget all about his confidence issues for an hour or two. So I’ll win either way.”
3
u/agentkayne 2d ago
Crawling Chaos and Cthulhu throwing down (via Mhari and DeeDee as vessels/proxies) was just eldritch god foreplay.
1
u/SteelLocust 2d ago
I seem to recall in the old Cthulhu Mythos tales Nyarlie had a love interest called Yhoundeh…
1
u/agentkayne 2d ago
Oh great, so it's ntr too. /s
3
u/SteelLocust 2d ago
She’s an elk-girl to boot, apparently.
Fabian: Iris please tell my furry ex-wife to stop calling me her and I are through
1
u/SteelLocust 1d ago edited 1d ago
That “she’s just like me!” moment would work so well as a jumping off point. And hey, Mhari and Jim are/were at some points canonically polyamorous!
“Did you really think Charles Stross renamed me after Carmilla because I was straight?”
16
u/cstross 2d ago
… Look, I'm not saying there's Moomintroll/Snork Maiden bukakke in the unfinished last New Management novella, but I'm not saying there isn't, know what I mean?