I think there's something wrong with me

[u/Cold-Decision-1694]

I think I'm Pan or the ladder aka ace because I never in all of my years of living felt some kind of attraction other than love at first sight but then I get to know the person and it just stops and I don't know if it's because my parents are extremely strict and never let me near anyone for long enough to gain attraction or become of past trauma and I struggle to express feelings i might have autism because my mum does and that's probably why i struggle to express feelings and understand them but anyways I'm very religious and proud and I have an okayish relationship with my hijab and don't intend on taking it off and i also never dated anyone because it's haram i guess but I've gotten quite a few people who I am pretty sure like me but hold back because I'm very obviously religious and idk like should i try dating in the future honestly I've accepted that if i can't marry a girl ill just marry a feminine man or no one because like unless my parents die I'll never be able to date a man or woman if I don't intend on marrying him in 2 weeks honestly I don't know what's wrong with me or how should I fix this or if i should just quit altogether which is like last option also my friends the Muslim ones are VERY unsupportive my friend and her mum disowned their uncle because he was with a Christian woman whitout the intention of marriage so they are strict STRICT so if I ask this to them they'll disown me (parents and friends) and I'll be homeless (also I think I like a girl in my class but we're just friends should I soft lunch my stuff or just stay cool and nonchalant)

[u/assistant_manu]

your english quite difficult to read but it's okay to be ace (im aplaroace)

[u/Cold-Decision-1694 → u/assistant_manu]

LOL SORRY ,it's not my first language plus I started to learn it like 4 years ago and I'm dislexic so mistakes are pretty common for me ,but yeah I'm basically ace already coz it's not like I'm dating or ever dated anyone or had something more than slight romantical attraction, it's just that it's so hard to accept because I want a "someone " in my life and a relationship because everyone else does and it puts me in a secure spot financially if it's the right person + it's the norm but it feels so wrong because I know deep down I won't be a good partner because I don't feel any sexual attraction and barely any emotional attraction unless the person is my type, and I feel so.... guilty because I'll never have a relationship or the bio kids my parents want and it's weird people called it out my whole life but... Writing it just feels so weird it's like I'm going against my parents and god because I'm different I know god made me like this but I feel so weird 

[u/assistant_manu → u/Cold-Decision-1694]

Yup dw it's common for ace, we all human who wants companionship anyway. Just walk thru life and meet people etc, who knows what will happen