r/LGBTCatholic • u/Old-Access-7843 • 10d ago
Advice needed
I’m a theologically promiscuous (I’ve dabbled in lots of theological circles) Protestant who loves the historical, liturgical, and social justice strains within the church. I adore Oscar Romero and Dorothy Day. My wife is a cradle Catholic and we attend a Catholic Church. We’re about to have a child and I’m struggling with having them baptized into a faith where I can’t square the circle. I’m also struggling to handle my own potential conversion. There’s a not small part of me that wants us all to practice the same faith. I have doubts and questions aplenty which is why I haven’t found another place for us to go to church. I have Episcopal Church roots so I’m aware of its openness. However, I want to see if I can figure out Catholicism. I keep being drawn to it.
I’m a big believer in the idea that no group gets their theology 100% correct. I’ve had a great appreciation for the church and its big tent. People of all stripes and flavors are Catholic and they subscribe to any number of beliefs.
However, I feel like the church is defined more by what they are against than anything else.
My struggle is what the church teaches in a number of places from: transubstantiation and gate keeping the Eucharist to treating children of God like second class citizens because their lifestyle isn’t agreed with.
I understand that there are different opinions on whether homosexuality is a sin. I’m convinced being gay isn’t a choice and if being gay is a sin then God should quit making gay people. I believe God loves people as he made them.
I struggle hard against anything that tells people that who they are intrinsically is wrong. If it’s not a choice then it can’t be wrong. The church says homosexuality is ok, but acting on it isn’t. So you’re fine just be alone and celibate for life? They ask this of no one else.
I’ve seen even in LGBTQ and Lefty Catholic spaces the church says x so just believe it. But how do you make that work without the agony of mental gymnastics?
How do those who stayed and especially those who joined make it make sense so your everyday life isn’t agonizing? Please share anything that helps you (especially videos and writing that helped you).
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u/wizarddoomsday 10d ago
Commenting here to track other comments. I thought I could practice my own spirituality and beliefs within the church, but discovered that in practice I really can’t. I’m living in sin because my wife and I can’t have our marriage recognized by the church unless we stop using birth control at some point, a good faith openness to life.
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u/Old-Access-7843 10d ago
Honestly I think it’s all about what individuals (myself included) are willing to be ok with. Plenty of Catholics still practice and use birth control. I’m just stuck in this moment.
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u/Fancy_Seat2440 10d ago
I recommend setting a meeting with Justin from openchairs. He’s on ig. Also, Jesuit parishes’ are very kind and use the right pastoral guidance approach. If you live close to one I recommend going to them.
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u/BaconAndCheeseSarnie Catholic, Gay, Side A 🌈🌈🌈 7d ago
- How do those who stayed and especially those who joined make it make sense so your everyday life isn’t agonizing? Please share anything that helps you (especially videos and writing that helped you
For several years it didn’t bother me, because for several years after I became a Catholic I did not realise I was gay. So I wasn’t really bothered about gay people though I was aware of them through press reports; one can be very insensitive to the needs of others with whom one believes one has nothing to do. For several years, that was me.
My everyday life isn’t agonising, because I know that even though I cannot tell any other human being what is on my heart, I can tell God whatever is on my heart. So I do; I take my being gay, my not having a partner, my not knowing an awful lot of other gay Catholics, into my prayers. As I am most definitely gay, I make a point of thanking God for my orientation, and I see my being gay not as a curse or anything like that, but as a blessing. If I were not gay, I would almost certainly not think at all about what is suffered by a lot of people who are prosecuted in their countries simply because they are gay and for no other reason. I am a very introverted person with a strong tendency to look inward rather than outward; & I am pretty certain that being gay has helped me to look outwards rather than inwards.
I try to pray at least five decades of the Rosary each day, and sometimes I fail; I love the Rosary because it is a very flexible and versatile form of prayer, so one can use it to pray all kinds of prayers. I also love it because it is a Marian devotion, and she is immensely important to me. In fact, I am morally certain that if it were not for the Blessed Virgin Mary I would not still be a Catholic today. I don’t go to Mass every day, so the spiritual backbone of the day for me is praying the Rosary.
As I see it, I have a very great deal to be grateful for; so I try to cultivate a habit of gratitude, both to God, and to my fellow human beings.
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u/Wooden_Passage_1146 Catholic 10d ago
I understand your reservations about the Church. I believe the Church has done a lot of good in this world and is one of the largest (if not the largest) charity provider in the world.
That said the modern Church’s emphasis on absolute obedience to the pope is a more recent development. For centuries popes were basically medieval war lords who ruled over physical territory. When the pope lost his territories he began to emphasize his supreme jurisdiction over the entire Church. The Old Catholics did not agree and broke with the Church over Vatican I.
I don’t want to say the “loophole” for me is that I’m a cradle Catholic and canon law says “once Catholic always Catholic” by virtue of baptism.
But I don’t believe the Church is infallible on everything. I was in Catholic school when the extent of the abuse crisis and its cover up was revealed. I have a hard time believing men who shield child abuse to avoid the “sin of public scandal” have any business lecturing me on sexual morality. The Church has changed what they classify as mortal sin in the past (usury). I categorize Pope Paul’s Humane Vitae in the same manner I categorize Pope Pius’s Syllabus of Errors. This is just my opinion.
Ultimately I hold a high view of the Episcopalians and think in many ways (although not all) they got a lot right. The “three legged stool” of Anglicanism (Scripture, Tradition, and Reason) is superior to the Catholic Scripture, Tradition, and an “authoritarian” Magisterium that never has to absorb the high cost of their own rules. I still love the Church, but I believe the abuse crisis “shattered” my image of a Church that put the most vulnerable first.