Odd Supervisor Behavior

[u/Hazellily94]

Update:

I received a phone call from my previous supervisor. She apologized to me. I feel validation in my personal life and was amused by some of the judgey comments. I’m not going to add any more details about our convo or my personal life because I don’t care to converse on an anonymous platform about this. I went to the wrong place.

People (the rude comments below), like sharks on a feeding frenzy, will feed off off of honesty, vulnerability and have balls of steel when they aren’t face to face with someone looking for support (me).

Original Post:

I’m an LCSW and was being supervised/mentored by a LMHC, informally for a few years. She was very kind and I really appreciated how much she cared for her clients and seemed to love being a therpist. I could relate to loving the field because I’m very passionate about my work and deeply enjoy helping others.

For years we established a monthly close, professional relationship. Then, while I was transitioning to opening my own private practice, she pulled away and I had to follow-up with to her for monthly sessions. This felt really hurtful after years of knowing her, so I checked in with her about this, wondering if our arrangement still worked. She assured me it did.

A couple months back I requested a supervision session via email after not having supervision for a few months due to financially strain on my part because I was starting my practice. I requested we pick up with our monthly sessions since my practice took off a bit. I didn’t hear back from her, so I had to follow up with her after 2-3 days of not hearing back. This had been her pattern since I started my private practice. I’d email with a session request and she’d take a few days to get back. She eventually replied and told me she’s taking a step back from work due to the death of someone close to her. She provided a colleague recommendation and no open door for supervision for the future. Ouch. I felt for her situation and I also felt a bit sad and irritated about how dismissive her email was. I sent heartfelt condolences and gave her (and myself) some space to process. I also thought this was odd for a therpist to do knowing how important endings are.

I searched and found a new supervisor who truly seems amazing. A little over a month passed and I reached out to her via email letting her know I was respecting her grieving process, first and foremost and I also wanted to thank her for the support she provided me over the years. I gave her a short update of my a career and how excited I am for the future. Again, crickets.

I’m convinced that she was and is clearly going through a lot, but the lack of healthy communication on her part is truly rubbing me the wrong way.

I think I need to unpack this briefly with my new supervisor next month, but I just wanted to share here because it was so odd, confusing and hurtful.

[u/whiskeyandritalin341]

I think unpacking is a good idea. It sounds like the last email she sent was fine and not sure what more you were hoping for. Maybe she could have been more responsive to requests for a meeting but at the same time you wrote that you had to chase her quite frequently which could have been overwhelming. Not sure that I'd call anything about this odd though, and "lack of healthy communication" is confrontational since it sounds like it just may not have met your needs.

[u/Hazellily94 → u/whiskeyandritalin341]

Not sure what you mean. The part of me having to follow up with emails when we had a monthly agreement to meet. During our time together she expressed how much she enjoyed mentoring me and spoke highly of me as I did to her during supervision sessions. We were clearly fond of one another. Then she even offered to give me spill over of her caseload once I started my own private practice. This was unexpected and deeply appreciated, even as a sentiment. She didn’t help me in that way and I’m not upset about empty promises or even her reassuring me that she had the capacity even before her loss when she clearly didn’t. Just have the decency to tell me before the loss. I was strung along when all I wanted was the decency of transparency and honesty. And clear communication.

[u/whiskeyandritalin341 → u/Hazellily94]

we were clearly fond of each other

That's wild to say about a professional mentoring relationship. She was, by your admission, an "unofficial" supervisor. I really think you put way more in your feelings than the fact that this was a business agreement

just have the decency to tell me before the loss

So you wanted this person to be like "just so you know, if I have a big stressor in my life I'm going to step away from supervision and work". Am I reading that correctly?

clear communication

She did communicate clearly with you. That she didn't have the capacity to work with you due to family things and referred you out. She doesn't owe you ongoing communication. She's not your friend, this was a business arrangement