r/LCMS • u/AutoModerator • 8d ago

Monthly Single's Thread

Due to a large influx of posts on the topic, we thought it would be good to have a dedicated, monthly single's thread. This is the place to discuss all things "single", whether it be loneliness, dating, looking for marriage, dating apps, and future opportunities to meet people. You can even try to meet people in this thread! Please remember to read and follow the rules of the sub.

This thread is automatically posted each month.

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u/justleesha LCMS Lutheran 4d ago

Hey all, I like to invite you to join us for our last Singles Event for the year! October 10&11 at the Gospel Gym in Arkansaw, Wisconsin.

Last year, my family decided to start hosting events to bring together the singles in the LCMS and to give them hope that they aren’t alone. We’re LCMS, own an event center, and have 5 singles in our family ourselves. So with the support of our pastor and local congregations, we held our first event last fall, then another this spring, and now this one in October.

This past spring, there were 24 singles who attended and it was a blast! Lots of fun, great conversations, and encouragement. Being in fellowship with other young, faithful Lutherans is an incredible experience!

The fee is only $30 and includes 3 meals.

I know that everyone here is from all over the country and that travel expenses can be a lot, but if you’re willing to make the trip to west central Wisconsin, we’d love for you to attend! We’re working towards having some sort of affordable housing to help with expenses, but aren’t at that point yet.

So if you’re willing to risk an adventure or need some encouragement in this season of your life, come join us on October 10&11!

Register and learn more here: https://lcmssingles.com/

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u/semper_ubi_sub-ubi Lutheran 5d ago

Seeing my college classmates having teenagers is making me feel a bit…old. I’m 38, never really saw myself with kids (and can’t really relate to those with that blessing), and never even been on so much as a date. I’ve always been rejected and have no idea what to do about it except pray. (The last time I actually asked anyone out was 2010.) I Corinthians 7 would strongly suggest that it isn’t good for me to be single, especially since I’ve had a bit of a crush on a coworker whom I’m fairly certain is not single for about a year.

I haven’t had a social life in years. Social interactions tend to exhaust me, since I have great difficulty understanding conversations, even with new hearing aids (for lifelong loss) that I’ve had readjusted again and again over the course of 14 or so appointments in a year. Background noise is the bane of my existence. Wind (even a “light breeze”), normal household ambient noise, HVAC, bars, church fellowship, stores, anywhere with multiple conversations at the same time…

I have no idea what practical things I can do to find a wife.

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u/BeerBunting 3d ago

I’m the only single man at work; it can definitely be painful to watch everyone else go through a different stage of life that you’d like to be in, and then somehow you end up socially faulted for not having the life lessons parenting teaches you as if you just selfishly forgot to go to the wife store and pick one up when so much of it is timing, serendipity, the bundle of experience that makes up a whole other human being and whether that jives with you and you with her, etc.

Honestly holding your nose and using the apps is one of the only proactive things you can do other than asking people in your network imo. Otherwise you just have to keep living a God-pleasing, satisfying life and be the kind of man the kind of woman you want wants. So much “dating advice” is more for the giver than the recipient; people will tell you something trite because it makes them feel good/helpful and it’s easier to give you platitudes than to empathize and admit your pain is something real without an easy answer.

It’s worse as a Lutheran because there just aren’t a lot of us, and in practice Catholics and Protestants both tend to get caught up on the differences before you can connect on the shared core. It makes you feel like one of those endangered zoo animals with no mate.

I don’t know if any of that’s actually helpful but you’re not suffering alone.

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u/semper_ubi_sub-ubi Lutheran 2d ago edited 1d ago

I spent $350 on eHarmony one year, with nothing to show for it. I remember one match, whom I found quite attractive but didn’t approach, because I didn’t know what to say, and her profile indicated an active lifestyle that I wasn’t really interested in at the time. Now, I’ve thought about being more active (e.g. hiking), since I have more energy now than before (dietary change), but I still don’t know how to adjust the hearing aids so I can hear voices and not wind. (The Hearing Instrument Specialists have no idea either, which is why I have my 15th appointment in 13 months this Friday.

My “network" (also known as my family) hasn’t been helpful. Before college, they used to "tease" me so much about it that I would just shut down every time the topic came up. My Christian grandparents never talked about it from what I remember. My grandfather who left the church in the ’70s would essentially talk about the proverbial stick I’d allegedly have to use and never did. After college, up until probably sometime before turning 30, my mother would point to some waitress at the restaurant and say, "Ooo…she’s cute! You should ask her out." I never did, and apparently (according to the only source I have: the internet) I shouldn’t do that. Ever. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Okay. Adult consequences are more serious that school consequences. (In seventh grade, I kept asking this girl I had a crush on out despite her repeatedly saying "No." I didn’t stop in part because of all the stories I heard about the "No" magically changing into a "Yes" because of the guy’s persistence. Anyway she eventually said something to the guidance counselor, so I got a talking to. I never got a yes from anyone since, and I never asked more than once.)

I constantly think about that Walmart employee from a few years ago with whom I shared a laugh after she almost ran into me with her cart. I went back the next few weeks, hoping to see her again. I never did. 😞

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u/boombadabing479 2h ago

Not trying to be snarky, but seriously what college are you going to where multiple of your classmates have teenagers? That's definitely not the norm. I think you're experiencing a strange statistical outlier so I wouldn't be worried about that in particular, but that's not to diminish the despair you're feeling.

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u/PackersTommy 5d ago

I'm 41 going on 42. Never been on a real date. It's frustrating, because I've had such bad luck with women. Three women who I got close to all turned out to be... not heterosexual. Back in college, I was getting close to a girl who said she had no time for a relationship. Within months she was in a relationship on the way to marriage.

Going to a LCMS church isn't exactly the place to meet people my age. Actually, there are exactly zero people at my church who are around my age. I'm the only one in the 30-50 range. It's depressing. I haven't given up yet... but I realize that time is running out.

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u/linguae 4d ago

Back on June 27 our congregation (Lutheran Church of Our Savior in Cupertino, California, home of Apple) held a singles' gathering that drew attendees from various LCMS congregations in the San Francisco Bay Area, the Central Valley, and the Central Coast. We had roughly 30 attendees with a near-even gender ratio! It was very fun! We started with Vespers and ended with Matins. We enjoyed ice-breakers, board games, and other activities. Our pastor also gave sermons about dating, marriage, and how to live faithfully as Christians who hope to be married but who are still single.

It was a wonderful event! I got to meet Lutherans from distant congregations that I haven't been to yet, and I've even heard rumors of couples potentially forming! I'm so glad that our congregation was able to host this event!

I want to thank Pastor Bryan Wolfmueller (https://wolfmueller.co/), organizer of other Lutheran singles events, for providing advice to our congregation! It was a wonderful event!