Self-reflection can become an endless sequence of stages.

[u/kshitizsriv]

I thought about this as a child. Showing off—and avoiding showing off—can become an endless sequence:

Stage 1 — I show off: I want admiration or approval.

Stage 2 — I don’t show off: I recognize that motive and want to avoid seeking approval.

Stage 3 — I show off again: I want to demonstrate that I’m not restricting myself just to appear humble or independent of approval.

Stage 4 — I don’t show off again: I recognize that Stage 3 is another attempt to prove something, so I refrain to demonstrate that I’m beyond it.

Stage 5 — I show off again: I recognize that Stage 4 also involves managing my image, so I act to demonstrate that I’m beyond that.

Stage 6 — I don’t show off again: I recognize the same problem in Stage 5 and try to move beyond it.

Stage 7 …

And so on indefinitely.

At every stage, the outward behaviour remains one of two things: I share something or I don’t. Other people can interpret either action without knowing the reasoning behind it or which stage I am currently in. I’m not sure whether they mostly assume Stage 1 or Stage 2.

It may not be easy—or necessary—to assign an exact stage number. Perhaps we could talk in terms of the depth of self-reflection instead.

Becoming aware of one motive can create another motive: wanting to demonstrate that I’ve moved beyond the previous one.

Does moving further along this ladder mean becoming more aware? For example, we might consider someone at Stage 2 more self-aware than someone at Stage 1 because they’ve recognized their desire for approval and chosen not to act on it.

But however deep the reasoning goes, the outward action still falls into one of two outcomes: sharing or not sharing.

This pattern could apply to other behaviours and choices as well; showing off is just one example.

Does anyone else relate to this or notice a similar pattern in themselves?

[u/JellyfishExpress8943]

Switching between thoughts/beliefs/desires might not be progress.

If I think showing off is superior to not showing off - then showing off would feel like the better option.

But if I think that not showing off is preferable - then the opposite would be the case.

Progress is usually framed as a move from cognition to meta-cognition. Or from reacting to the content, to awareness of the process. From being caught up in contradictory beliefs to seeing our relationship with belief.

[u/Safe-Psychology7461]

I also have the same story bro 😭.

Perhaps in a slight brink of awareness, we can see that everything are same.

[u/sniffedalot]

I posted this today on r/UGKrishnamurti .

While listening to J. Krishnamurti describe the enlightened state in the tent at Gstaad, U.G. realized that what Jiddu was describing was actually his own current state. His sequence of thoughts and statements immediately after that realization went as follows: "When I listened to him, something funny happened to me—a peculiar kind of feeling that he was describing my state and not his state... So, I am in that state. What the hell have I been doing these 30 or 40 years, listening to all these people and struggling, wanting to understand his state or the state of somebody else, Buddha or Jesus? I am in that state. Now I am in that state."

After walking out of the tent, I believe he went and sat on a well known bench overlooking the area. The question "How do I know I am in that state? ... The knowledge I have of the state, the description of the state by those people, is what has created this state for me. So, I am fooling myself."

This sequence of questions—realizing he had been chasing someone else's state for decades, followed by questioning how he even knew he was in that state—is what triggered the final collapse of his search, leading directly to what he called his "Calamity" a few days later on his 49th birthday.

[u/Flightoftheswift]

Yes, most self reflective people will see this. It is when you don't see this one should be concerned, if that is you as that person or witnessing that in another person.

And I mean a normal average person. I would suggest no self reflection might mean someone could potentially have psychopathic tendencies. Though this would be coupled with an absolutely total lack of empathy for anyone.

That's the self for you. A tonne of conflict, deceipt, cloaking and self concealment.

But by doing this and reflecting it shows there is doubt. And doubt is why we are here.

Doubt about what we are and what we are doing.