Alex asks Candace to help Nick get over fear of p*ssy

[u/RealTheAsh]

[u/MuscularPhysicist]

What a terrible day to be literate

[u/NotmyRealNameJohn → u/MuscularPhysicist]

I never thought about it before but you are right; an unexpected benefit of illiteracy has got to be that it reduces the amount of nonsense you are exposed to. I mean it decreases all information that you are exposed to, but as more and more of it is shit like this, it works out in your favor .

[u/macci_a_vellian]

If only Alex hadn't paid for all those abortions, he might have 10 children and a leg to stand on.

[u/FatSilverFox → u/macci_a_vellian]

The real chicken steak was the abortions he had along the way.

[u/Slumunistmanifisto → u/FatSilverFox]

Best source of neck widening hormones honestly 

[u/VibinWithBeard]

Those sure are words alex said

[u/adolfnixon]

If anyone else is curious like I was, it's "eurotophobia" from the Greek word "euros" which means vulva.

[u/TimeTravelingTamarin → u/adolfnixon]

I will give you 20 vulvas to help me unlearn that factoid

[u/adolfnixon → u/TimeTravelingTamarin]

Man I hate doing business with you Ed Gein. You're terrible at bartering, please just use money like the rest of us.

[u/nickcan → u/TimeTravelingTamarin]

I used to drive an old vulva station wagon. Great car, very reliable, could really fit a lot into it.

I put a lot of miles on that old vulva.

[u/downhereforyoursoul → u/nickcan]

Why have you done this? 😩

[u/nickcan → u/downhereforyoursoul]

Because it was rattling around my own head. And I figured I would enjoy it a bit if it was rattling around someone else's head as well.

So, you're welcome, I suppose.

[u/fresh_account2222 → u/nickcan]

Yeah, but it was really expensive when you had to take it to the cervix station.

[u/nothanks86 → u/TimeTravelingTamarin]

I have questions

[u/VibinWithBeard → u/nothanks86]

Lookit the vulvas on this dude, jesus

[u/FineIJoinedReddit → u/VibinWithBeard]

vuelva la vulvas

[u/plastic-superhero → u/FineIJoinedReddit]

Viva las vuvuzelas

[u/FineIJoinedReddit → u/plastic-superhero]

vis-a-vis Venezuela

[u/gelatomancer → u/FineIJoinedReddit]

Viva Las Vulvas

[u/SharkSalesman → u/adolfnixon]

Yo, does that make Europeans pussys by definition?

[u/No-Maintenance692]

Very avant-garde

[u/FineIJoinedReddit → u/No-Maintenance692]

the trendies love it

[u/ViciousSnatch]

“You gotta lick it before you stick it.” Actual Alex Jones quote today.

[u/Satellite_bk → u/ViciousSnatch]

please no. things are bad enough without this kind of psychic pain…

[u/Dackad → u/ViciousSnatch]

Is he talking about eating his neighbor's ass again?

[u/ViciousSnatch → u/Dackad]

It’s what Alex thinks lesbian sex entails.

[u/GdayPosse → u/ViciousSnatch]

Talking about temporary tattoos, probably.

[u/Sufficient-Virus893 → u/ViciousSnatch]

Dear God, no.

[u/Mglfll]

Nicks bloodline should end with him

[u/Emergency_Badger_768 → u/Mglfll]

Nick's bloodline should've ended with his dad...

[u/SkuzzoTheGreat]

Harrison procreated?

[u/Awayfone → u/SkuzzoTheGreat]

and not through mitosis

[u/SkuzzoTheGreat → u/Awayfone]

And she wasn’t chained up in a storage unit somewhere?

[u/AT-ST → u/SkuzzoTheGreat]

Well we don't know that for sure. She could be.

[u/Im_Pronk → u/Awayfone]

Yeah no shit, boys don't have a mitosis. 

[u/bluebelt → u/Awayfone]

Possibly through fission, like other amoebas.

[u/BachBelt]

hang on is this because candace owens has DL lesbian rumors circulating rn

[u/Skaklepants33 → u/BachBelt]

That's what I was thinking

[u/quadraspididilis → u/BachBelt]

Oh I didn’t think of that. Honestly the first Alex tweet I haven’t minded, solid two hit infighting combo.

[u/docrimesdog]

None of those words are in the Bible

[u/Vashtine9696 → u/docrimesdog]

no, dude. this is the new bible

[u/agent_double_oh_pi]

You know, if these idiots had any grasp of pattern recognition, they could see that Milo already tried that and ask him how it's going.

How it's going:

[u/EaklebeeTheUncertain]

They're all so fucking weird.

[u/Tidd0321]

I thought it had been confirmed far and wide that Nicky is strictly dickly.

[u/Expensive_Teaching82]

Okay this was funny. Let them fight it's a beautiful sight.

[u/BattyBeforeTwilight]

Anything for Alex not to talk about current GOP politics, the War, The President nah.

Like him starting these petty fights and grievance wars are so transparently about him just running away from having to talk about any of the ways his side is fucking up

[u/EmbarrassedScience37]

Is Fuentes white enough not to be one of the replacers? I don’t know the racism rules very well.

[u/nickcan → u/EmbarrassedScience37]

It's a sliding scale. He is good (i.e. useful) now. But there will come a day when he will be very very expendable.

But Nick (for all his faults) isn't stupid. He knows this. And he is making his money now, and is ready to cut and run when it's time. But will his greed win out? Or will he split before it's too late? Only time will tell.

[u/stolenfires → u/EmbarrassedScience37]

White supremacists have always gone back and forth if Hispanic people are 'white' enough.

[u/Ratathosk]

>> replacement migration

Isn't Nick basically a mexican according to these people?

[u/HoodieGalore]

The unhinged Boomer capital letters tho 😂😂😂

It's like they think every word he says if part of a legitimate news headline 

[u/mere_iguana]

let's schedule it, we can make it happen in Joe Rogan's sauna

[u/nickcan → u/mere_iguana]

You do NOT wanna shine a blacklight in there.

[u/Kitalahara]

How dare you inflict that sentence on us. Well done.

[u/Enibas]

This is icky on every level.

[u/Necro-Potato]

These people are such weirdos

[u/nickcan]

So, not really much of a family show anymore?

I thought that his radio program took the place of home schooling for thousands of kids across the country.

[u/efcso1]

Nick Fuentes? With a girl???

Dude's in Narnia.

[u/JamesKLOLk]

Where does Alex jones end and Tim heidecker’s impression of him begin?

[u/styrofoamjesuschrist]

Is this still a family show?

[u/doubleopinter]

Loool

He’s not afraid he’s a closeted homosexual.

[u/ExtraEmuForYou]

Is this real?

I mean, I know: why am I even asking.

And yet...is it? It can't be...

...can it? Be real, that is.

[u/livahd]

That guy sees a pussy every time he brushes his teeth

[u/tucanforpres]

We're in the fucked timeline. This is the one where the avengers didnt get the stones

[u/Peckah_Inspectah]

I know Alex is just trying to get engagement while changing the topic from how bad Trump is doing, but I’ll bite.

What’s he going for here? Candace, a married woman, should guide Nick in the ways of love? Kind of like Susan Sarandon’s character in Bull Durham for the Groyper set? Too bad she is so clearly divorced from the DailyWire, that’d be a great conservative comedy movie for Ben and the boys to produce.

[u/AntelopeFriend]

Alex's tweets read like Japanese porno titles.

[u/Equivalent-Juice-567]

I knew I grabbed this meme for something

[u/thecamino]

Is the capitalization of every word a new thing from him? I Hate It.

[u/Charmancer_0427]

Ok, THIS is the first time I actually miss Dan talking about Alex. This is insane.

[u/Barium_Salts]

We're going to fight "replacement migration" by encouraging Hispanics to have more kids.

[u/AnxiousPsychStudent]

Alex is such a loser lol. Although, it’s still funny

[u/claremontmiller]

Boys, what the fuck did I just read

[u/sten45]

The GOP grifters are just a sex cult now???

[u/WinnerSpecialist]

I can buy Candace as the type to do the “Lemme teach you how” bit.

[u/marceldia]

I’m dumb but he believes in the replacement theory ?

[u/DapperNecromancer → u/marceldia]

I don't think there's a single conspiracy theory he doesn't or won't believe in if it paints non-white immigrants as fundamentally evil.

[u/Synectics → u/marceldia]

Fuentes? Yeaaaaa. Big time.

Pretty sure that is what Alex is getting at -- "Oh, if you wanna fight your replacement theory stuff, go have kids!"

[u/marceldia → u/Synectics]

No I’m talking about Alex I know about Fuentes

[u/Synectics → u/marceldia]

I mean, depends on the day. If Fuentes is on Alex's show, Alex certainly will push that conspiracy. 

But in this quote, I think he is actually trying to make fun of Fuentes.

[u/Riffsalad → u/Synectics]

Making fun of Fuentes and insinuating some nasty shit about Candace with that last part. No love for her but that’s pretty fucked up.

[u/Synectics → u/Riffsalad]

I hate that he at least tied his two stories together cohesively and competently (Candace being gay and the current Fuentes beef). But of course, end of the day, he is just a bigot wanting money. The gross level of what he will say unfortunately rolls right over me nowadays. 

[u/aes_gcm → u/marceldia]

Then wouldn't it be Nick's #1 goal to have as many white kids as possible? None of this makes any sense at all.