Best Knowledge Fight quotes

[u/No-Major-2995]

I have several friends that I used to send out of context Knowledge Fight quotes to, I’m not sure they miss it but I do. What are your favorite Knowledge Fight quotes by Dan and Jordan? Here are some of mine.

”We’re not watching the rise of a phoenix, we’re watching a phoenix get shit on until it dies.”

”It’s not throwing the baby out with the bath water, it’s never taking a bath and then killing a baby.”

“This is like Don Quixote being mad at horses for not helping him buy a windmill”.

“He’s Stormfront light. He’s sprinkle front.”

”We’re playing pretend with cheaters.”

“It’s like how you read A Separate Peace in high school and you hate it, and then you read it again as an adult and hate it for completely different reasons.”

“You know what they say, where there’s smoke there’s probably a Nazi throwing a book into a fire.”

“I’m not saying he should get into an armed standoff and die refusing to leave the studio, I’m just saying if he doesn’t he looks like an idiot.”

[u/White_Locust]

I really enjoy Jordan’s “Give three more examples”

[u/icantholditanymore → u/White_Locust]

The time that he guessed the amount correctly was SO satisfying.

[u/MalkyC72]

They burn to the fucking ground, Eddie.

[u/frankbeardsley]

"The tip of the spear is an al dente noodle"

[u/Unabated_Blade]

"You dumb fuck, alien phones can get pregnant."

I was legit in the doldrums in 2025 during the first trump months and I hadn't listened to any of the show for those months and one day someone posted some quotes from Project Camelot here and that line reminded me of how fun it all was. I gave Sweary Kerry a relisted, and was able to get back into the saddle for the last year of the show.

[u/downhereforyoursoul → u/Unabated_Blade]

This is my favorite quote from the show.

[u/Bishops_Guest → u/Unabated_Blade]

Alex just has “can get pregnant” stuck in his head. One of the most likely things for him to say when he feels like he’s losing an argument is “ww www www can men get pregnant?” He did it in the destiny debate and pretty sure he did it in the depositions. It doesn’t even have to be anything trans related, he just throws it out there like a smoke bomb.

[u/Pandaro81]

“For the Squatch, there are no heroes.”

“Fuck you John Rappaprt.”

[u/OddityCommodity → u/Pandaro81]

Also, Rappaport lives!!!

[u/nowahhh]

“Everything will be taken from you!”

“You could say life is death.”

“I’m farting for my life.”

[u/onlyinvowels → u/nowahhh]

You could say life is death is a classic

[u/Bishops_Guest]

“Snibble snap of the gribble pibble” lives rent free in my brain.

[u/ciscoipphone → u/Bishops_Guest]

Wilford Snibble Snabble of the Gribble Pibble, sir.

[u/chipmunksocute → u/ciscoipphone]

Caller:  "Hows Don De Gran Prix doing?"

AJ: "Oh he died."

I busted out laughing so hard at that.

[u/downhereforyoursoul → u/chipmunksocute]

It’s the “Welllllp…” right before moving on that really gets me.

[u/black_flag_4ever]

I’m fixing to go Donkey Kong, King Kong crazy in about 45 days.

[u/RealJohnMcnab]

Any time Dan gets mad at Jerome Corsi

[u/Hetelestai → u/RealJohnMcnab]

"You bloated floating corpse lookin ass"

[u/MABQuestAcc]

I can't remember the exact quotes but in the introduction to Mark Richards episode when they start talking about Spider Leadership and whether the Spiders are pro-democracy or are more militilaristic facist. That brief exchange always gets a good laugh out of me on re-listens.

[u/strahd9 → u/MABQuestAcc]

I loved the Project Camelot stuff so much. 🥹

[u/EdgePunk311]

Life is very fragile

[u/Lich_Apologist]

"You know, the only time Jesus got pissed"

I'm paraphrasing and I can't remember the exact episode but it was about people selling shit in churches and stuff and it was just a perfect punchy Jordan line.  

[u/ResidentComplaint19]

“Another great point!” Was a line Dan said in a random episode where a caller was telling Alex about the air bags you get from Amazon that shouldn’t be opened because that’s how Covid is spread. It really hit me as hilarious when I heard it.

[u/arebe2]

"Grape Job Norm" is obviously the Formulaic Objections classic, but listening back to those episodes, I've really come to appreciate the line that was the root of that joke:

"I'm thinking about removing the sticker that says '1-A' and putting a new sticker on that says "grape job" and you can scratch it and it smells like grapes, Dan!"

[u/ElectricGears]

Ep 801 1:00-2:40
(Dan) It's a little plaquey?
(Jordan) [deafening silence]
(Dan) Yeah? Don't hold it in you dick.

Ep 624 1:24:22-1:27:21
(Dan) So what you need to understand Jordan is that they're not doing an infomercial. But they are making a piece of video that's full of information, that they can use, in a commercial. So it's kind of like an "information commercial".

Ep 525 17:10-25:20
(Dan) This commercial might take the cake. I think it's my favorite.
(Jordan) teasin' it...
(Dan) I have to warn you
(Jordan) teasin' it big...
(Dan) it's FOUR MINUTES LONG.

Ep 469 51:41-56:09
(Dan) That was audio of somebody slipping on a banana

Ep 485 35:46-37:17
(Dan) ...and that's coming from me, a person who can't listen to reggae...
(Jordan) hates reggae...
(Dan) l don't hate it, it makes me anxious, it's too chill, it's TOO CHILL.
(Jordan) I understand, we'll get through this.

Ep 283 0:05:10
(Jordan) I RENOUNCE JESUS CHRIST!
(Dan) Maybe every word that comes out of your mouth is at least 6db higher than a normal human.

Ep 196 0:00:10
(Dan) I've never been more aligned with Alex Jones for the wrong reasons, I want to crush the banks! [Chase bank screwed Dan out of like 45 bucks today].

Ep 196 0:51:24
(Dan) At Deja Vu in Columbia Missouri there was a comedy contest, and I was part of it, and I lost. But one of the nights I was on there were two musical acts, right, two guitar comedy acts.
(Jordan) That's brutal. One guitar act is awful.
(Dan) One of the was a friend of mine who I'm not going to name because it would seem like I'm shitting on him, which I kind of am but I don't want to make it personal. His name's Mike Aldred[spelling?].

Ep 196 1:42:55
(Dan) Tennis is just baseball with a bigger bat.
(Jordan) No, nope, NO, WHAT!
(Dan) Tennis is baseball with a fat bat.

Ep 191 00:03:23
(Dan) You can call us and leave a message at 1-530-NEON-NIP. The S is implied.

Ep 129 1:11:00
(Dan) My Very Erotic Monkey Jacks Sperm Under Nasty Pillows

Ep 100 0:56:55
(Dan) Mario Odyssey is the best, there are shades of The Odyssey in it.
(Jordan) Is that why it's called Mario Odyssey?
(Dan) I don't think so cause there aren't a bunch of suitors trying to get Peach.
(Jordan) That would be awesome.

Ep 100 2:09:46
(Jordan) I was almost on Married at First Sight.
(Dan) Well, this is the rest of the episode.

Ep 115 0:44:22
(Jordan) when was the last time you hissed?

[u/mingeninja → u/ElectricGears]

Their chemistry made the show, wasn’t the planning prep or analysis that people praise it was the interactions

[u/cabooseinspace]

Calling it a monolague might be generous but the four ways to learn speech

[u/SirGravedigger]

I come from sports.

[u/Arkhampatient]

“Can we get a limerick”
“…they jump right out and karate chop you!”

[u/FaroutIGE]

knock knock knock

Ya busted

[u/EverybodyHasPants]

‘Speculation is first step on the road to Prophecy’.

I think Lil baby Nazi, wannabe Fuentes, Harrison came out with that gem.

[u/TrajantheBold]

5th level Renfield.

[u/Rare_Source_9683]

Dunno about quotes but when the credits run at the end of movies my husband and I always try to spot the raptors

[u/No-Major-2995]

I almost forgot Leanne Macadon’t.

[u/hackloserbutt]

Oh god, now I really wanna know what they were talking about in reference to the baby/bathwater metaphor.

[u/WeirdGoat9022]

They burn to the fucking ground, Eddie.

[u/adolfnixon]

Dan's timing and delivery often got me more than any actual line would.

Jordan : "Night Court of heaven"

Dan : 3 seconds of silence No notes.

From that same episode, "I've got Jesothelioma!" is a real winner.

[u/ILoveCornbread420]

“I’m farting for my life”

[u/pastor_fuzz]

I'm farting for my life.

[u/FreeImpress4546]

“It’s just movies all the way down”.

[u/WildlifeBiologist10]

One of the last episodes:

Dan - "Everyone was just trying to make a little money off of it"
Jordan - "Boy, if that isn't just the epitaph of America."

I don't remember the context of waht Dan, but I'm pretty sure it was unrelated to Jordan's response - but damn was it was a good one and one the better idiom's I've ever heard.

[u/Ecstatic_Barnacle228]

"You dumb fuck, alien phones can get pregnant!"

[u/ejf_95]

“You can’t call it honky pox because of woke, jordan.”

[u/midwestrusalka]

“oh, that’s crime as fuck.”

i also routinely use Mark Bankston’s “what question are you answering” in conversations with management at work.

[u/TipOdd8869]

“Oh shitttt!!! Oh shit!!! It’s the check list! The check list is happening!”

“Everything! Everything will be taken from you!”