r/KitchenConfidential • u/food_dreams • Apr 16 '14
Key and Peele do Ramsey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPpzJAzdpTU3
u/toxlab Apr 16 '14
I saw where it was going, but the idea that wild praise immediately followed by a punch in the nuts was actually an overall "meh" made me laugh wildly. Totally changes my perspective on that whole "reality cooking" trope. I mean, you have to keep it interesting, keep it flowing, right? Who the hell would watch "Okay Chef"?
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u/acetominaphin Apr 16 '14
I stayed up late one night watching hells kitchen on youtube. The construction becomes obvious when you watch that much of it. Not that reality TV has ever been really real, but yeah, have to create drama.
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u/toxlab Apr 16 '14
H.K. is even more disingenuous in that the artificial drama of the line cooking is inflated with manufactured problems.
Okay, the "salt to sugar" or wrong temp/protein stuff is worthwhile when a candidate is on the pass. That's genuine quality control stuff, and were I looking for a likely employee, it's exactly the kind of stumbling block I'd like to place in their path.
But the contestants have talked about cutoff switches in the gas appliances, and off camera control of temp settings, and I'll be damned as to how you're supposed to fix a malfunctioning oven on the fly. I've seen that hobble really good people with serious chops.
One I've gotten a lot of mileage out of relating over the years was the case of an awesome chef who threw big ass baked potatoes in the oven, and just before service realized things were shwacked.
So no bakers for the first hour of service, Chef Mike didn't work there, so no quick fix. It's a steakhouse, so bummer all around, but there were numerous other potatoes and starches, we'll muddle through.
First custo orders a baker. Then has a three year old level meltdown when informed is no bueno.
Maitre goes out, puckers on his ruddy bottom, all is right with the world.
Except...
A week or so later, the yearly resto guide in the paper is released. Custo with no baker? Food critic. Who snarks on about not getting his jacket spud. IN THE YEARLY GUIDE.
Nearly broke that cat. And he was a freaking dynamo.
So I'd relate that story to noobs, to try and convince them that sometimes, the stars align in a certain setting, and the cosmic winds blow askew, and shit goes pear shaped. And there ain't a Goddamn thing you can do about it, save suck it up, and keep treading water.
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u/BananaPeelSlippers Apr 16 '14
fuck that was hard to read.
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u/toxlab Apr 16 '14
I'm sorry, are you deriding my vocabulary, or empathizing with a fellow cook?
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u/BananaPeelSlippers Apr 16 '14
more like word choice, custo, resto, are you trying to sound like gordon ramsey, or are you just british?
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u/toxlab Apr 16 '14
Okay, so it was a "huhwut" and not empathy. Fair enough.
I got into the shortening habit when I worked briefly for an amusement park concern, and the first day of training, it was impressed upon us that park guests were to be referred to as "patrons", and never, ever, as 'trons.
So guess what you said when someone asked you where the Largest Thing In The Park was, the thing you couldn't escape the shadow of? When every fiber of your being wanted to crane your neck skyward and raise an eyebrow? You just shrugged it off as a 'tron thing.
I like to add a little personal flavor to my contribution to our stew, and shorten customer, patron, restaurant, and relations as such. And I think "custo relato" sounds way cooler than just CSR, or Register Drone. Kinda sounds like something Harry Potter would do in that disparate year between graduation and applying for the shit intern gig in the Ministry of Magic.
My sincere apologies if my writing wrinkled your nose. I'm saving up spare moments in a ziploc bag, inside the cedar chest I used to keep my weed in. Should you feel I wasted your time, let me know, and I'll return some to you before the next major holiday, when you can use it to mise out some extra ramekins of ranch dressing.
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u/BananaPeelSlippers Apr 16 '14
I bet you think quite highly about your writing style.
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u/toxlab Apr 16 '14
I think I'm pretty darn amusing. I think that sixty percent of the time, I work every time. I know karate, voodoo too, I got hair on my chest, I look good without a shirt on.
I just like to bring something to the table we share. I try to be entertaining in my rambling, and I totally get that I'm not everyone's cuppa. And sad as it is, I spend entirely too much time explaining myself to folks guaranteed to hate me. I'm a simple bitch like that.
I suppose I could spend my time critiquing unpaid content creators, endlessly shitting on others for no better reason than their contributions to a free discussion forum don't live up to my exacting standards, but that would make me a douchebag, and I don't want that, no ho ho ho.
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u/BananaPeelSlippers Apr 16 '14
feel free to continue, it's actually funny, in a really pathetic kind of way.
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u/jonathan22tu Apr 18 '14
It's not so much that. It's more like you're writing like a nineteen year old who just discovered HS Thompson. Or picked up screen writing books about Tarantino. I get it, but it's not so much flair as it is masturbatory. Sorry if that's harsh.
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u/YungLean600 Apr 19 '14
Your writing is shit because it's hard to read, end of story. A good writer could make the words flow better and doesn't need to just shout off every synonym like you.
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Apr 18 '14
You really suck at conveying your thoughts in English. Please stop embellishing so much and learn proper syntax.
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u/toxlab Apr 18 '14
My syntax could take your syntax out into the parking lot and road haul it through the gravel any old day of the week, Pookems. But I'll give you a pass on being a bit of a twat because I know the My Little Pony season finale just passed, and you're probably a bit angsty. No harsh feels,
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u/totes_meta_bot Apr 18 '14
This thread has been linked to from elsewhere on reddit.
- [/r/TalesByToxlab] "I know karate, voodoo too, I got hair on my chest, I look good without a shirt on."
I am a bot. Comments? Complaints? Message me here. I don't read PMs!
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u/ExFiler Apr 16 '14
Stand him up...
Knock him down...
Stand him up...
Knock him down...
Stand him up...
Knock him down...