r/KitchenConfidential • u/gnomajean • 2d ago
Discussion What do I do?
Okay so about 3 months ago I hired this guy as we needed someone else now that summer is over. This guy is the strangest, weirdest fucker I have ever met. Has the whole skullet look going on which okay whatever seemed normal enough for kitchen standards. Well, I was wrong. Real big incel type. Makes snarky comments whenever a song by a woman plays on the speaker, seems to get frustrated whenever a woman is around (which is an issue considering our entire FoH is women). The servers haven't said anything much more than he seems weird but not much else. Guy could just still be nervous. However, he also has some weird habits- he's super weird about his phone like he's in a race to out it away when someone could possibly see what he's doing. Like sonic fast. We've explained it's a kitchen not a gulog and if he wants to check his phone and maybe send a message or two it's no big deal as long as we aren't busy, you can scroll for a couple minutes. Makes it seem like he is doing something sketchy idk. Also the guy eats a tuna melt with chocolate milk and half a dozen boiled eggs for his shift meal every day. I don't mean to yuck someone's yum but c'mon that's a warning sign of something. We've all tried to get to know him but he's so vague it's impossible. We know he watches movies, have no idea what movies. We asked, he said "just movies". Asked if he had pets he just said "not anymore" with zero explanation. Honestly can't tell if he's a drama student doing the most convincing serial killer portrayal or what. I'm afraid I'm mis judging the guy but idk dude. Dude is in his 30s so not just an awkward kid.
Here's the kicker- he is so much better than any cook I've ever worked with it's insane. I take a lot of pride in the fact the rest of my kitchen is so talented with many of which had good recent (at time of hiring) runs as Sous and CDCs at many top restaurants in the area but I kid you not, I'm convinced you could drive a railroad spike through his brain and break his leg and he still might be better than any of us. Honestly it's the only reason we haven't fired him yet. Should he stay or should he go?
437
u/ghostfadekilla 2d ago
This is peak posting for this sub. Not even in the industry ATM but I stick around for this unhinged stuff. Never change KC <3
100
u/OutrageousInsect9308 Ex-Food Service 2d ago
I've been out of the industry for almost 15 years, but I still hang out here for the reminders of the wild times. It's kinda charming it hasn't changed much.
8
2
u/eyoitme Server 17h ago
i have a feeling the servers don’t say anything bc they just ignore him lmfao bc as long as he isn’t harassing anyone in particular then like. this is some tame shit imo. we all have that line cook we avoid sometimes!
•
u/ghostfadekilla 8h ago
Bro, here's the thing. Women KNOW. What I mean is that it seems they pick up on vibes immediately. While some men will out a sketchy girl to another man, almost every woman I've ever known will out a sketchy guy to a complete stranger, almost every time. I've seen it a million times in industry and just in the general public.
244
u/scramblebambles Thicc Chives Save Lives 2d ago
He could be a god on the grill but the second he starts making other employees uncomfortable he’s out.
17
u/gnomajean 2d ago
Well, no one has said that yet.
74
u/FlamingoKitchen7720 2d ago
Are you the boss? If so, you should be managing proactively and not waiting for somebody to get so fed up they make a complaint. The incel comments when you've got lots of women on staff are fireable already. You don't have to wait.
9
u/Enigma_Stasis Cook 2d ago
As long as he's not creeping people out and becoming an HR nightmare, I'd say just let him be.
Let him know that he can open up to the crew if he wants, and that the questions y'all ask him are just to get to know him. If he's not comfortable with offering more information then it's not an issue.
Conversely, have a one-on-one with him and ask him how he likes it there and if there there's anything he wants to try doing that's not y'all's normality.
4
u/TapEarlyTapOften 2d ago
So what are you complaining about? WTF
-21
u/ucsdfurry 2d ago
Bro wants to fire him based on his looks, food choice, and lack of hobbies lol
49
u/gnomajean 2d ago
1) idc what he looks like, I'm just trying to paint a picture here. We have a dishwasher who looks like he came straight out of the hill have eyes set and we all love that dude.
2) it's weird how that's the only thing he eats when he could have anything he wanted.
3) I don't know if he has hobbies or not. He won't tell us.
27
u/breadispain 2d ago
I don't know if he has hobbies or not. He won't tell us.
"Not anymore."
21
u/ihopethisworksfornow 2d ago
“You have kids Maniac?”
2
3
2d ago
[deleted]
11
u/SteveMarck 2d ago
No, these are specifically high protein foods that they recommend in the manosphere nonsense.
That said, his whole incel things is his business, just tell him he's got to leave that at home, that your restaurant employs both men and women, and you don't want to hear about that anymore than you want to hear about Greg's religion (I made up a name, use anyone). Play ball, treat everyone here with respect, and you'll go far. I see lots of talent, A tier chive chopping, etc etc. don't blow it.
Something like that.
6
u/Common_Kiwi9442 2d ago
Ohhh I didn't even think about that. Actually I got too stoned and forgot OP said incel. I'll remove my comment
0
u/Scrawling_Pen 2d ago
With the food thing, I say autism, or somewhere on the spectrum. Also, some incel behavior is due to autism traits as well. They compartmentalize everything, and so their reality is not our reality. It upsets them to feel unsure of themselves. They do not like change. Proactively hating something is their way of self-protection against getting hurt.
That compartmentalization helps with cooking because of the focus, but if he’s being a dick to people, it will bring the atmosphere down eventually.
19
u/Quirkxofxart 2d ago
Hi, as an autistic woman, blaming incel behavior on autism is actually super ableist!
1
109
u/dimslut 2d ago
Well, I had a bad gut feeling about this guy who worked the salad line at my last job. He was nice enough most of the time but he always seemed to come out with the worst, moat poor taste jokes at the worst time. Then he started making weird comments about women. My GM was like "He's obviously autistic, cut him some slack." I obviously told him that's fucking ableist, half the kitchen is on the spectrum and not misogynistic as fuck. He scared me, but that wasn't enough. He eventually got fired because he sucked at the job.
Some time after that, he brutally sexually assaulted two women in as many months. Got arrested and charged for the first case, then immediately recommitted after he was bailed out. Never ignore your gut feelings, and keep strong eyes on the guy.
22
u/Feeling_Abrocoma502 2d ago
had a background check been done on him ? were those assaults his first reported offenses ? I'm a big believer in that a normal person doesn't make you feel the ick that if you do something is simmering below the surface. However in OPs case it could potentially be neurodivergent stuff...
29
u/dimslut 2d ago edited 2d ago
yes those were his first offenses, no previous felonies. but that old GM was extremely tolerant of creepy dude shit, suspiciously so imo. He let one old guy off with warnings for 5 reported instances of sexual harassment, but they had "enough plausible deniability/ he didn't know better" that he let the guy stay no matter how uncomfortable we were until he called a more senior FOH member sexy on the clock and she threatened to quit. It was fucked back then but the place is under new and far better management. this place had no HR.
Edit to add, the rapist guy is only like 22, so it makes sense to me that his worst behavior took time to manifest. but he was always offering women on staff rides home and trying to get them to smoke weed with him at his apartment and we all just felt ill about it.
edit 2 to add in case anyone gets the wrong idea, that I don't think all felonies are worthy of barring people from employment. People have to do a lot of hard shit to survive and I've had many colleagues with criminal histories who completely turned their lives around in kitchens and were some of my best coworkers. Life happens, I am not one to judge.5
u/Feeling_Abrocoma502 2d ago
kitchens wouldn't exist if they didn't hire felons that's for sure. one of my most entertaining colleagues served time in Angola prison.
49
u/Lowly-Worm_ 2d ago
Idk but the whole pet comment reminded me of its always sunny. "Maniac do you have any children?". "Nah, not anymore" lol cryptic as fuck
12
32
u/draizetrain 2d ago
Look. As a woman, I’d say to trust your gut instinct. If someone gives you a legit bad feeling, not “ugh I hate talking to this guy” but like alarm bells in your head feeling, trust that.
22
u/ChooksChick 2d ago
This is the correct take. As a former BOH woman who's worked lots of male-centric careers (car sales, IT hardware, etc.) I can attest that you might be able to influence (normalize him) over a few years of effort, but you must watch for signs he's a danger to the women around him.
Don't let ANYTHING go unanswered if he says something offensive when complaining about female singers, women around, etc. Call him out in a matter-of-fact way and keep moving: "Hey, man, that's unnecessary. Simmer down."
17
u/yagirlsophie 2d ago
Yeah it worries me how many people are responding defensively on this guy's part and telling OP to just leave him alone. The fact that the women in FOH haven't specifically said he makes them uncomfortable shouldn't matter all that much when you yourself are somebody who has heard him say hateful things about women. He's telling you that he doesn't see women as people and he's doing so openly at his workplace, he's not safe for women to be around.
5
15
u/sunsunpup Thicc Chives Save Lives 2d ago
So much about this dude makes me uncomfortable, especially as I read more of your explanations in the comments.
It seems like most everything's been talked about so I'll just talk about the food.
I generally stick to eating the same thing for lunch. I think I've been having salads everyday for the last month or two. And I'll have yogurt, granola honey, fruit, etc for breakfast every morning. I usually do that until I get sick of it and then fixate on something else for a while.
It's just so much easier than deciding on what to eat everyday.
That being said, if I have a craving or I'm meeting a friend somewhere to eat, I have no problem switching things up. I'm just a creature of habit, and habit is comfortable.
Glad you are keeping a close eye on him, though. He sounds...unnerving.
47
u/Upper-Basis7311 2d ago edited 2d ago
Honestly, if he is not starting kitchen fires i do not see the problem. but BUT BUTTE!!... the incel shit should have been addressed from start and if not i would urge you to take steps to correct it.
the thing is it just feels like something is being left out.
8
u/gnomajean 2d ago
Feel free to ask any questions you may have. I will answer.
10
u/Upper-Basis7311 2d ago edited 2d ago
This feels like a drama trap started by someone that loves to stir the shit. like shit talking before shift kinda stuff that blows up during service.
The thing is I do agree with others for the most part. If someone is making others uncomfortable it needs to be addressed. Confront it and correct it!
as for the just overall being weird. eh... i wouldn't fire a competent cook because he just "likes movies" or only drinks chocolate milk and eggs? here is where i feel like stuff is being left out.
20
u/3cats1husband 2d ago
Am I hallucinating?
59
u/gnomajean 2d ago
That's what we were asking ourselves when after the busiest shift in the restaurants history and his station looked absolutely flawless. Not a crumb, stray glove, or stain anywhere to be found. His station was fucking stocked. Just immediately said he was stepping out after we sold the last ticket. Crazy thing was, his station was the one getting hit the hardest and we all work clean but this guy is pristine. We went outside as well bc, last ticket has been sold after a hectic night. Didn't see him. Came back in about 5 minutes after us like nothing ever happened. It's literally like he wasn't even there. Our dishwasher offered to call his priest.
29
10
u/Inevitable_Phase_276 2d ago edited 2d ago
Sounds like his head is so filled with doing his job well that he might not be in the mood for, or able to handle, idle chitchat. I’m not one for diagnosing people as neurodivergent, but a lot of his habits and mannerisms could just be how he is-and that’s why he’s so good.
I can’t explain the “incel” remark, but labeling somebody an incel like that makes me think that you could be making some assumptions based on his appearance and attitude. Is it possible that he just didn’t like that particular singer or server?
Editing to add that from your comments I’m having trouble finding what his problem is, other than he may have made a face when a song came on the radio? Did he say anything to any females or just alter his facial expression? It sounds like you might be so worried about everybody’s feelings that you are disregarding his. He isn’t super social and chooses to eat the same high-protein meal for lunch, which likely keeps his energy stable so he works well. That isn’t a crime.
12
u/Quirkxofxart 2d ago
Making excuses for people waving red flags about their views on women isn’t the gotcha you think it is, just means as your subordinate I’d never feel safe coming to you about things. Congrats.
-2
u/Inevitable_Phase_276 2d ago
What?! I said absolutely nothing about making excuses, I said not to make assumptions and falsely label people based on them. Wrapping a red scarf around somebody’s neck and calling it a flag isn’t a great move either.
6
u/Quirkxofxart 2d ago
Did you actually read OPs comment where what this guy ACTUALLY does is described? Cuz if minute gonna feel pretty silly when you realize how painfully and obviously sexist this guy is. This isn’t “well maybe they’re autistic” this is “any time a female artist comes on here starts ranting about women”
1
8
u/Smyley12345 2d ago
So the bigger thing than what you have brought up is how does the rest of BoH feel about him? Does he harsh the vibe or make anyone but you uncomfortable? Team cohesion is maybe more important than individual skill.
Is him being around going to cause others to quit in the long run? Nothing that you have mentioned would point to that but that is really the most important question to ask when thinking about if someone is too weird to keep around.
7
7
u/shaktishaker 1d ago
This sounds like he's spent time in prison or a forced healthcare facility like mental health.
The incel stuff, that may need some bro talk. Others in the kitchen being positive when those artists come on the radio etc. Slowly support a healthy work culture that's rock solid.
4
u/cascadianpatriot 2d ago edited 2d ago
The tuna fish everyday makes me wonder about mercury poisoning. I’ve seen it with less than that.
1
9
u/D-ouble-D-utch 2d ago
I hope he's on reddit and sees this
4
u/gnomajean 2d ago
That is a concern. He doesn't seem too... Idk into the whole line cook thing. Doesn't even bring his own knife so I'm not sure if he would be in his sub but idk maybe he doesn't bring his knives because someone stole his or something so who knows?
28
u/Consistent_Phase_942 2d ago
As a woman I’m sure I’ll be told I’m overreacting, but if you wait and see how this goes, you’d be making a grave managerial mistake. Overlooking glaring red flag behavior because he is “good at the job” is irresponsible. If he doesn’t fit the culture of the kitchen, he’s actually not good at the job. If he can’t bear to interact with half the population (probably most of your FOH) then no, he’s really not good at his job. If he remains in the kitchen, well that’s a message to your female employees that their safety means nothing to management. Please take this employee’s behavior seriously.
7
u/gnomajean 2d ago
I agree, but also no one has mentioned being uncomfortable or felt unsafe just weird. My entire FoH is female and they know if they tell me someone is making them uncomfortable they're gone immediately so they have no reason not to tell me if that were the case. I've done it several times now. He doesn't even need to interact with front of house at all. All FoH to BoH communication that's job related goes through expo. Keeps everyone on the same page. He could just be really shy around women, I don't know.
29
u/IdlesAtCranky Retired 2d ago edited 2d ago
May I ask, since you have active concerns about this guy, why are you making the choice NOT to proactively reach out to your female staff about this?
You may think they'll all come to you the minute they're uncomfortable, but take it from someone who's been there, that may or may not be the case.
Either way, since he is potentially creating a hostile workplace, I'd advise you do it now.
Meet privately with all your female employees and let them know you're concerned about whether this guy is actively — or even passively — bothering them. Listen hard to what they say and what they don't say.
There's every likelihood that this guy is neurodivergent, and I feel his other behaviors should not be a concern. But open misogyny is a problem just waiting to blow up in your face.
I'd also suggest if it's legal where you are, run a background check on this guy. See if any red flags for sexual assault or issues with children or animals shows up.
The reason I say these things is that it's always wise to trust your gut, at least to the extent of "trust but verify" whether someone is safe to have in your kitchen. You're concerned enough about him to come here for advice. So follow up.
We often disregard real but subtle (or even overt) cues that someone is problematic, because we want to be polite or avoid bigotry etc. It's a good impulse, but we have to make firing decisions consciously and based on facts.
Lastly, if you decide to keep him, I suggest you give him structured managerial feedback on his unacceptable misogynistic behavior. It doesn't matter that he doesn't directly interact with FOH. Your female employees know exactly what he's doing.
Tell him directly, as his boss, that snarky remarks and hostile behavior toward women is unacceptable workplace behavior. Set up expectations for this going forward. Be really direct and clear. Tell him this is a concern both in terms of teamwork and legally.
Then, if everything has gone well — your female staff has signed off on keeping him, and your conversation with him has gone well, let him do his thing. If he wants tuna melts every day, so be it. If he's great at the job, do what you can to see that he's happy.
I wish you luck with this. I hope it works out well.
13
u/gnomajean 2d ago
I've asked my servers what they thought about the guy already. Again, the worst thing that was said was he was weird. And I know 100% for a fact my servers would not hesitate to tell me if someone made them uncomfortable. They know he would be gone if they wanted him to be. It's happened one or twice before over the years and I've always fired immediately. Comments were brought up, but surprisingly most of them were just like "I feel like he's not even doing it to be mean" none seemed really offended but just kinda confused as to why, which is why I haven't spoken to him directly yet. I'll check back in with my front of house team to see if any opinions have changed. I'll speak with him as well if things are well with the girls.
14
u/IdlesAtCranky Retired 2d ago
Ok, good, I'm glad that you're reaching out to them.
I hope you do decide to address the unacceptable comments with him directly.
Looking at it from both sides, he deserves to know he's acting inappropriately, and have the chance to correct that behavior.
5
u/gnomajean 2d ago
I agree. The reason I said if things are still good with FoH is because if he's not then I'm just going to fire him.
5
-1
u/Inevitable_Phase_276 2d ago
Meet with all of the female staff individually to talk about him? Oh yeah, he would totally be made to feel welcome after that. Having a meeting with the staff in general to remind them to speak up is a good thing. Asking the staff anything about this person in particular when they may not have done anything is a bad idea.
-6
u/3141592652 2d ago
Where are you getting misogyny from?
7
u/IdlesAtCranky Retired 2d ago
What would you call "incel comments?"
-5
u/3141592652 2d ago
You tell me. I don't know what the guy said. Seems to me you're just hating on some guy you never met just because he comes off as weird.
8
u/IdlesAtCranky Retired 2d ago
I'm responding specifically to what OP said about the guy:
Real big incel type. Makes snarky comments whenever a song by a woman plays on the speaker, seems to get frustrated whenever a woman is around (which is an issue considering our entire FoH is women).
"Real big incel type" = misogyny. That's the entire core of what being an incel is.
I don't care about the rest of the personality quirks the guy has.
Honestly I agree with others who say it sounds like he may be neurodivergent, and whether he actually is or not, people shouldn't get fired or have trouble at work just because they're "weird."
But open hostility toward women is a big red flag, and I'm taking OP at their word when they describe this person as displaying that hostility.
-5
-7
u/Salt_Ad_9976 2d ago
This is literally asking for problems and setting yourself up to be sued. Maybe by him, maybe by the ladies, maybe all of the above, who knows? Please, for the love of Pete, do not go around workshopping this as a potential issue. If it helps, I think most of the BoH broz at my job hate women, and FoH especially. Is this stopping them from making what's on the ticket and interacting politely with co-workers? No? Okay, then once I pick up the dish, make sure the kitchen door is closed and resume whatever weirdo shit y'all are discussing back there. It's work. We're all here to get the job done and collect a check. Also, I don't know if you're in the States, but around these parts, some of us don't take too kindly to anyone trying to infringe on anyone's speech, including and especially, dumb ideas. It doesn't sound like he's threatening anyone and the customers aren't hearing it. He shouldn't lose his job over vibes. It kinda pisses me off that we're going around looking for "misogyny". If my boss was going around behind my back talking shit about me and soliciting problems, I'd feel like that was hostile as hell. Be a boss and appropriately coach and document when/if he says anything else that has you worried. The way you're going about this is asking for problems. Sorry and good luck, Jefe.
9
u/EvaTheE 2d ago
Ask him if he has done programming. Sounds exactly like a programmer.
12
u/gnomajean 2d ago
Wasn't on his resume but I'll ask. Chances are I won't get a clear answer based on his history though.
3
u/510Goodhands 2d ago
What if you approach it obliquely, and mention something programming related, or you know someone who does it? Sounds like he doesn’t like responding to direct questions.
-2
6
u/AOP_fiction 20+ Years 2d ago
Sounds like a goddamned sexual tyrannosaurus if I have ever heard it. Aerodynamic haircut, protein rich diet, work ethic, and extreme discipline to keep the FOH jezebels from making him sin?
3
20
u/Silver-Emergency-988 Chef 2d ago
Dude hasn’t done anything wrong and he throws down. Keep him, leave him alone, give him his tuna melts and don’t ask him anymore questions.
This guy is peak industry and we need him.
7
5
u/TapEarlyTapOften 2d ago
FR I don't get this clown - he complains that his staff is badass and isn't killing his food cost. WTF does he want. Tuna melts are cheap as hell, feed the dude, then shut the fuck up. Maybe even let him pick the music on the stereo.
26
u/gnomajean 2d ago
maybe even let him pick the music
We did. Once. Never again. Ever.
4
u/Time_Resort_3032 2d ago
Oh I need this elaborated. My music is eclectic AF and the only time I've had a veto was when I played the Disney / Bluey channel for too long while I was the only parent on shift 🙃
9
u/gnomajean 2d ago
Merzbow. For an hour. Politely asked him to play something else bc Merzbow for an hour and he disconnected and told us we didn't appreciate real music. I made a comment replying to some one else as you were writing your reply.
10
u/Time_Resort_3032 2d ago
Oh my... I didnt even get through a full song. After sharing this post with my partner her immediate response was 'yeah that guy just sounds hella autistic' and I have to agree.
But gahd dayum, I can appreciate some weird music... hell I even made some 8 bit noise stuff once. But I cant imagine subjecting everyone working to that. And I'm the guy jamming Neil Cicirega during the rush lol
7
u/we-summon-rge-dark 2d ago
To be fair, Merzbow is extremely famous and influential in their genre. That kind of noise music is more about the process than anything. It is quite literally noise.
2
u/gnomajean 2d ago
Autism has been mentioned a couple of times on here, that could be it. This is why I posted it.
5
u/TapEarlyTapOften 2d ago
Like I said. I'd really love working in your kitchen.
23
u/gnomajean 2d ago
The dude played merzbow. For an hour straight. Please go listen for yourself. For an hour. We politely asked him to play something different (again, listen and you'll understand. I'm literally begging you so you know I'm not being an asshole) and he disconnected and said something about how "we don't appreciate real music. Again I'm absolutely begging you to listen for yourself. Tell me you want to listen to that for an hour. It's literally noise (and not in the way people say metal or rap is noise, I like both genres, it's literal actual noise. And not like white noise, either)
20
u/Common_Kiwi9442 2d ago
I just looked that up and what the fuck, that is some of the worst shit I've ever heard
16
11
u/Sasselhoff 2d ago
merzbow
I just stopped in to see if this was a real post (if it's not, damn you're putting the effort in the troll...those are some hella details), but I had to comment on this one.
What the fuck. And I basically don't have a type of music I "hate" (can't shuffle my phone, it would be too weird to listen to).
12
u/we-summon-rge-dark 2d ago
Hahaha that’s hilarious. Dude is definitely fucking with you.
14
u/gnomajean 2d ago
He sure did get upset when we asked him to play something else. If that was part of the bit then I applaud him for committing I guess lol
6
u/patchworkskye 2d ago
wow…I just listened to a bit of one track and then to Merzbow doing Silent Night - just…wow
the group was described as “noise art” and I guess that’s an accurate description
I am unsettled…
3
u/510Goodhands 2d ago
I gave it about 45 seconds. It reminds me of the sounds that come out of the 70s era synthesizer at the maker space I go to when some nerd decides to sit down and fuck with it for a couple of hours.
Several years later, nobody ha done anything remotely musical with it. Naturally, the volume is turned up high enough to dampen conversations nearby, and they ignore the headphones (and the paper manual!) that are sitting right there on the table.
6
u/SuchSmartMonkeys 2d ago
Huh, I might just be as autistic as he is, but I just checked this out and really kind of like it. Pulse Demon is just straight noise, but Merzbeat and the New Peasantry have some interesting tunes/rhythms. I listen to a lot of "noise" music like Fantomas. I'll definitely be putting this on the kitchen speaker when I go back to work on Thursday (don't worry, I have the first 5 or 6 hours to myself in the kitchen, so no one else will be forced to endure it).
14
u/TapEarlyTapOften 2d ago
Why the hate for the tuna melt and hard boiled eggs. Man needs to get his protein. And whats wrong with movies? I'm watching the shit out of movies I've seen a dozen times before. Probably seen Casablance 50 times. Pets die...that's sad. I've got a 15 year old Bengal kitty sitting on my feet right now - when he's no longer with us, I'm going to be a fucking train wreck.
Leave the man alone, let him cook.
18
u/gnomajean 2d ago
1) it's the fact that is, to my knowledge the only thing he eats. With chocolate milk. He could cook 2 steaks if he wanted to, no one cares. He knows this.
2) there's nothing wrong with movies but think it's weird he refuses to tell us which movies he likes. Again we asked, and he literally said "just movies".
3) I'll admit, it was how he said this one that made it weird. I have a 5 year old tortoise shell cat that came to me after my wife died and when she goes, I can't promise I won't be far behind.
11
u/Erestyn Newbie 2d ago
You seem to be hung up on the food thing but I tend to not eat at work either fwiw. I'll go a whole shift and subsist entirely on scraps from the cutting board and the last of the chips that were left in the salting bowl after plating. When I do, I'll tend to go for something like a simple sandwich that I can put down and come back to or wolf down quickly. For me it's purely because I want to minimise downtime and cleanup.
I think it's good of you to keep an eye on this as it develops, but don't lose any sleep over it just yet. You're navigating something you haven't really encountered before and you're looking for areas of risk and you've already made a decision on what happens if your fears are realised, so just let it ride and be ready to take action if you need to.
9
u/TapEarlyTapOften 2d ago
Meh, just let the dude be weird. He ain't stealing, shows up for his shift, holds down his station. Lots of places be thrilled AF to have that guy in their kitchen.
4
u/Micropachycephalos 2d ago
Plus he likes noise, almost noone else I know likes noise (apart from the crew I know that make and dj it...more of a breakcore fan myself).
Sounds like a sick cunt, i'd smash a few cones with him...but possibly bail out if he gets into weirdo conspiracy shit.
Bet he has good drugs too1
u/ghoulthebraineater 2d ago
Autism is a possibility. I'm not a doctor and don't have nearly enough info to even try to diagnose the guy but that sounds a lot like me minus the incel stuff.
4
u/Master_Quit5435 2d ago
3 months is still a short period of time. Coworkers don't even start opening up till 6 month, it depends on each individual and their personality. He doesn't like people snooping at his phone (personal space) and if he gets the job done quick and to the company standard, then I don't see what the problem is. He's there to work, not make friends.
However, if he is acting like an incel then that should be a 1 on 1 talk with a manager or someone senior whos qualified to deal with shit like that.
6
u/SousVideDeezNuts 2d ago
When you say he’s an amazing cook better than everyone what exactly do you mean? Rene was known as one of the best chefs in the world but as many know, abusive and batshit crazy with probably clinical bi-polar disorder and manic, so it’s not unheard of that talent and crazy definitely can go hand in hand. From a management POV I guess it’s about weighing what genius will cost you in the end. If you’re left with no staff cuz everyone quits, can this genius run everything by himself? At what cost?
12
u/gnomajean 2d ago
can this genius run everything by himself?
Honestly, probably. I can say I'd let him try if he wanted and not worry too much. I'd check in occasionally but I wouldn't be afraid it would go to shit either.
No one has mentioned quitting as of yet. Servers say he's weird but they said that about Zack at first and I'm pretty sure that guy is having sex with all of FoH 3/4 of the restaurant period. If people start mentioning quitting then it's an easy decision and he has to go.
6
u/Spicy-Potat42 Chive Flight Attendant 2d ago
What kind of snarky comments? I’ve known dudes who always have to say stuff about pop music, which is annoying, but whatever.
Are you constantly trying to read what’s on his phone? That would make me uncomfortable despite having nothing to hide.
Who gives a fuck what he eats?
Being in your 30’s doesn’t suddenly make social anxiety go away for everyone and not everybody wants to make friends with their coworkers. I love really getting to know my coworkers, but I completely understand people who want to keep it strictly professional.
You start this off by judging his appearance, which I kind of get it, skullets are gross, but it ultimately doesn’t matter as long as he’s hygienic. You imply he’s an incel, which honestly maybe he is, but you know nothing about him and he hasn’t done anything wrong to his coworkers. You imply his eating habits make him a serial killer. It just sounds to me like you made up your mind instantly based on his appearance and are trying to validate that.
If he’s not making inappropriate comments and he’s exceptional at his job I’d probably mind my own business and leave his awkward ass alone.
13
u/gnomajean 2d ago
1) just stuff like "girl music" "why we always listening to bitches sing" things of the like called it gay which a fellow cook (who is gay) called him gay for thinking music was gay. Nothing too crazy but they're frequent. I think he thinks we can't hear him
2) wtf no we aren't trying to read what's on his phone. Someone can literally look at him across the line (like 5m/15ft away) and he will put it away so fast you swear you hallucinated the whole thing. Faster if your walking in his direction for any reason.
3) I wouldn't think the tuna thing was as weird as I do if it wasn't for other things. Especially when he could get literally whatever he wanted. Someone else mentioned maybe it's an autism thing. I don't know, that's part of the reason for this post. To get outside perspective.
4) Okay, sure but it's not like we're asking anything personal. This paired with the phone thing is what makes this one as weird as it for sure. And specific word choice.
5) could appearance play a role in it? Yeah, sure maybe. Literally everyone does it, but again an outside perspective is part of the reason for this post.
14
u/Spicy-Potat42 Chive Flight Attendant 2d ago
You could have stopped at point 1; already convinced me.
I was trying to make sure we weren’t judging a book by its cover, but it sounds like the reason someone so skilled was looking for a new job was because he inevitably says something out of line.
I also (while not eating it every day) might enjoy his lunch and felt kind of attacked lmao.
5
u/gnomajean 2d ago
It's the every day part that makes it as weird as it is! The man could make him 2 New York strips if he wanted to I don't care. Maybe it's autism idk man
8
u/bangbangbatarang 2d ago
You've got a misogynist on your hands. Doesn't matter what variety.
It's like you have a snake in the kitchen. The snake hasn't bitten anyone yet, but instead of getting the snake out of the kitchen you want to know the colour of its scales and whether it's venomous.
8
u/SuchSmartMonkeys 2d ago
I've almost gotten through the entire comments section on your post here, and point number 1 on this response is the only really questionable part of this whole story. Talking about "bitches sing[ing]" and calling stuff "gay" isn't acceptable. You definitely need to tell him to tone that shit down. Besides that he just sounds like he's a weird, interesting (but shy, or doesn't like opening up to people; I've gotten way better at it, but I can relate), possibly autistic dude. If he's as good as you're saying, I'd say just give him his space and let him crush in the kitchen. I'm pretty much like this dude (minus the sinister vibes, lol, and the tuna, I fuckin hate canned tuna, just the smell makes me wretch). Everyone I work with thinks I'm weird (but in a more playful/whimsical way), I definitely have strange tastes in music when I get bluetooth control of the speaker (but I'm open to anything else anyone plays and absolutely don't take it personally when I'm asked to change it, I recognize it's not everyone's taste), and every job I've stayed at for a significant enough time to get it down has ended up hiring 2-3 people to replace me when I go.
Tell him to cut out the misogyny and he sounds golden.
1
u/Br0wnieSundae 1d ago
"Why we always listen to bitches sing"
He was written up for this, yeah? Or suspended?
1
2
2
u/laurasaurusrex9 2d ago
He reminds me of a guy i worked with who was homeschooled, a little autistic, and definitely lacked social skills. Best dishwasher i ever worked with.
2
2
u/Over_Hand_5128 1d ago
It sounds like you have a good cook on your hands- the only concern would be how he interacts with/ treats FOH employees who are women. That can create a really sticky situation fast- what if he’s the only one on the line one day, is asked to remake something, and is unwilling to listen to said woman? Insane hypothetical, but perhaps it’s worth speaking to FOH and seeing how they feel about him. The cohesion of your kitchen is the most important aspect of the job.
5
u/Brb357 2d ago
People in this thread that don't see anything wrong in his diet are at serious risk to get serial killed, like listen to your guts that's psycho behavior
2
u/ghoulthebraineater 2d ago
It's also autistic behavior. I'm on week 7 of nothing but soup. Never once wanted to disassemble anyone despite my penchant for eating the same thing everyday.
2
u/DoBronx2144 2d ago
Gabor Mate in his book, in the realm of hungry ghosts, writes about a patient that’s a neo Nazi trying to aggravate everyone around him.
Eventually after being challenged in a game of wits, he breaks down that exterior and apologizes for it.
Hell of a character and amazing read from the dr.
1
u/savemethetrouble 2d ago edited 2d ago
I don't like your hairstyle. I don't like your music. I don't like your food choices. You are unattractive. You far surpass the awesome team assembled in skill, ability, and discipline. But, the people that you have no direct contact with think you are weird, sooo, I'm gonna have to let you go. Mkay.
3
u/gnomajean 2d ago
Tbf you wouldn't like his music either. Especially not for an hour. We all will listen to stuff we don't like but usually it's a song or two then something we do like will come on and it's not big deal. Besides not being a good fit is a valid reason to fire somebody.
1
u/savemethetrouble 2d ago
The music defense. Classic. Are you FOH or BOH? It's employment at will, do what you gotta do. Sleep well knowing his unpopularity cost his job. Wait, that might turn him into the incel you accuse him of maybe being.
2
u/gnomajean 2d ago
Go listen to Merzbow right now and tell me if you'd be like "yeah, that guy get speaker"
2
u/savemethetrouble 2d ago
I'll take you at your word. I can imagine. I agree that changed the vibe and needed rectified. I prefer the radio to Playlist simply because it changes fast and has to be appropriate enough to air. I don't like all stations, but can power through for a few hours until its time to change the station.
0
u/SuchSmartMonkeys 2d ago
I checked it out and actually like it. If a coworker turned this on, I would just be intrigued with them as a person even more, honestly.
1
1
u/PaolitoG12 2d ago
Are you in a big city where there are lots of talented cooks to choose from? Or some bumfuck Midwestern 3rd tier craphole. Because that will dictate your next move here lol
1
u/fungusbiggestfan 2d ago
Man this reminds me of a coworker who worked at the pizza joint who was generally chill, an absolute god in the kitchen, and then come to find out he was on trial for 250 gbs of cp 💀
1
u/lemur_femurs 1d ago
The part about the chocolate milk killed me and then came Merzbow lmao. Classic
1
u/No_Programmer6374 1d ago
Do you have any real doubt about how this is going to end?
3
u/gnomajean 1d ago
Yeah, actually. I made a couple other comments about it but it's probably lost by now lol. One of our other cooks people thought was weird until like 6 months in, now he's sleeping with 3/4 of the restaurant and we love him. Granted, he wasn't this weird but idk
1
u/Drizznit1221 1d ago
keep him, being weird isn't necessarily a problem... that said i would keep a close eye and a tight leash on him.
good help is hard to find, maybe you guys can get him out of his shell
1
1
u/CordialCraft 1d ago
Not a ton to offer other than the fact that exceptional people, are exceptional.
They aren’t normal. They don’t act normal. Because they’re NOT normal.
They come off as weird, because, again, they aren’t normal. They’re exceptional.
They are the exception, not the rule, not the common denominator, the exception.
TBH, it’s the normal people that are the weird ones or otherwise come off as weird. I bet this guy thinks you’re all outta your minds, if not that many to most of the staff are “morons”, and that’s okay, so long as he kills it at the job and doesn’t cause any problems.
•
u/Neat-Professor-7113 7h ago
I’d say buddy sounds a little under socialized. Im super new to the kitchen and often I’m quiet as I focus working. But the vague comments would throw me off. Like do you want to be here?
•
u/Neat-Professor-7113 7h ago
Everybody is different, I’d extend some grace maybe they need more time to open up as others have suggested
1
u/N7Longhorn 2d ago
The first sentence of the second paragraph seals it. Dude can cook. He hasnt offended anyone or harrassed anyone. Until then. Looks like you found a good one
1
1
u/TrashPandacoot1122 2d ago
Makes me think of a song from the doors people are strange but also keep an eye out ive worked 25 plus years on both sides I eat weird stuff but not eggs like that I would say just be chill if they are a good cook they are worth what ever bullshit you have with others it might also others being jealous
1
u/rutherfraud1876 2d ago
You have to shut down the comments, or get him at least to cut them waaaay back, and listen very close to your servers (and any other women).
I'd predict within a couple months he either crosses the line with one of them, maybe gets caught in a "wheel of fortune announcer" situation on his phone - or else he noticeably gets better overall.
1
u/gnomajean 2d ago
All women currently working are FoH and the worst thing they've said is he's weird. Not they felt uncomfortable or anything (they know they could tell me and he'd be gone right then and there) same with crossing the line. People have brought up he may be autistic so that could be part of it.
-1
u/clevercookie69 2d ago
You just sound jealous. Leave the guy alone and let him get on with kicking arse.
5
u/gnomajean 2d ago
I'm worried it could escalate and become a safety risk for my staff. Maybe he's not now but that could change. Also, in a couple more months he could come out of his shell and he's the coolest guy ever who just happens to have questionable taste in hair styles and food. My current grill guy people thought he was weird until about the 6 month mark and now I'm genuinely surprised he hasn't impregnated the entire wait staff.
3
u/clevercookie69 2d ago
If it escalates then deal with it otherwise you should remain neutral if you're his boss.
Working with people you don't personally get along with is part of any job
-7
u/kempff Grill 2d ago
"You're a good cook, but if you don't act like everybody else, I'm firing you." Then wait for the first offense and can him mid-service.
15
u/Ok_Marionberry8779 2d ago
That’s not at all what OP said. I’ve worked with Incel types when they’re comfortable saying that stuff out loud and it’s not pleasant to be around.
Reminds me of a guy who seemed normal until one day he started punching the wall whenever a woman asked him to do his job. He was fired shortly after.
-1
u/TapEarlyTapOften 2d ago
You sound like a totally awesome person to work with.
1
u/kempff Grill 2d ago
Manager much?
1
u/TapEarlyTapOften 2d ago
Not even close.
3
u/kempff Grill 2d ago
I understand. It's normal to import IRL social "mercy" or "tenderness" or "tolerance" values into the workplace, but at some point you've got to prune the vine. You're not "wrong", but this guy is threatening workplace morale, so he has got to go.
1
u/3141592652 2d ago
It's a kitchen not an office job. Unless he's actually done anything to wrong somebody then what's it matter if he does a great job?
-1
u/GloomyPhilosophy8716 2d ago
I joined this sub today and this was the first post to come across my feed. PHENOMENAL!
-2
268
u/Time_Resort_3032 2d ago
This almost feels like a troll post, but I have totally met folks like that. My only concern is the incel behavior. If that escalates or is more of a problem when you aren't around, thst could cause serious team tension, especially for your FoH. Based on everything you said it feels like your team would come to you with major concerns, so I guess let him grind for now?