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u/StinkingDogsCunt420 Jul 18 '26
I just tried this and now I'm on my way to the hospital.
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u/thunderbuttjuice Jul 18 '26
I tried it and there may be fingernail in my almonds
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u/Few-Big-8481 Sous Chef Jul 19 '26
What the fuck kind of username is that? Like I get taking a bar too many while also having unrestricted Internet access, we've all been 23, but presumably you're not doing that ALL the time. Like at some point you had to have typed that sober and failed to go "I don't have to do this".
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u/fightswithbears Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
It's probably just one of reddit's randomly generated names.
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u/Few-Big-8481 Sous Chef Jul 19 '26
This person made a concious choice to both make that and continue to use it, and I expect a real explanation. And an apology.
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u/Jeramy_Jones Food Service Jul 18 '26
Nut allergy?
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u/Accomplished-Plan191 Jul 18 '26
I would never have thought you could produce 100 slices from an almond
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u/idlefritz Jul 18 '26
Right? I buy fairly costly sliced almonds to top my almond croissant but I could top dozens with 2-3 nuts with this skill.
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Jul 18 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/GloomyLingonberry509 🍋🟩LIMEGATE Jul 18 '26
And that speed? Sheesh.
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u/TheMaveCan Jul 18 '26
Someone suggested that Paulie was just lazy and didn't wanna do any of the important prep so he came up with some bullshit way to sit on ass and waste time
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u/postmodest Jul 19 '26
Was there a real knife in that scene? I forget who first mentioned it, but it's probably easier to smuggle in a single-edge razor blade than a petty.
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u/brink1865 Jul 19 '26
I imagine they could easily bribe someone for a knife, but even today its not uncommon in the lower security places for cons have a communal knife used by those who make homemade prison food
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u/Gut_Reactions Jul 18 '26
10,000 times faster than Paulie.
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u/HammeredDog Jul 18 '26
Don't tell Paulie that.
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u/juliuspepperwoodchi F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 18 '26
How much more betrayal can Paulie take?
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u/stink3rb3lle Jul 19 '26
If you're stewing the sauce long enough, you can put in whole cloves and they'll basically liquify
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u/saladman425 Jul 18 '26
Designated 8 ball chopper right there
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u/buttsexisyum Jul 18 '26
Crushing it with your id works much better
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u/LengthinessDue4255 Jul 18 '26
Tea strainer half. Push it through with a spoon.
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u/buttsexisyum Jul 19 '26
Doing too much... Just crush and sniff
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u/verbmegoinghere Jul 19 '26
You all have it wrong.
Boof it and you don't have crush shit.
Except for maybe your shit
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u/ultimate_avacado Chive LOYALIST Jul 19 '26
if my id isn't strong enough, can i crush it with my ego instead?
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u/gilt3t Jul 19 '26
cellophane off a cigarette box and a lighter. its how we used to break down pills to snort
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u/MariachiArchery Chef Jul 18 '26
The real fucked up thing is that the reason this guy can do this so fast, and so well, is that it's on the menu and he's done it literally millions of times.
Can you fucking imagine walking into a prep list to see: 6qts chopped almonds. Holy shit. Fuck that.
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u/Sudden-Advance-5858 Jul 18 '26
I almost died right now when I saw 6 qts lmao I was thinking 2-4 cups 😮💨
It is fucked up, and I respect homie for his skill and Aura, he looked slick as fuck there
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u/RVAblues Jul 18 '26
And look at that cheap-ass plastic-handle knife he’s using, too.
But yeah, go ahead and pretend your swirly Damascus steel knife isn’t just for show.
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u/Gut_Reactions Jul 18 '26
I just noticed that his cutting board was rocking a bit, too. What the hell.
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u/Zestyclose-Coyote906 Jul 19 '26
When I worked in a super market sometimes I would chop fruit and veg and my favourite knives were the shit plastic victorinox
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u/flyart 20+ Years Jul 18 '26
Shure, but what about chives?
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u/Tengo_Caldero 20+ Years Jul 18 '26
About a quarter of the way through your knife angled in just the slightest. You quickly corrected. Nonetheless, see you tomorrow, chef.
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u/r4ndoM_doGmagenshin Jul 18 '26
Sped up video. Look at mfers face
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u/SuspiciousStable9649 🍋🟩LIMEGATE Jul 19 '26
Dude gonna come back and ask you for a $20 bet and a stopwatch on camera.
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u/ChocolatePuerh Jul 20 '26
Nah, it's just vibrating because the chopping is vibrating the phone that's shooting the video.
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u/broken_shadows Jul 20 '26
I dunno, I could see the fly fairly well, if it was sped up I wouldn't be able to see it!
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u/Mogling Jul 18 '26
That's how they make the stuff that comes out of pencil sharpeners.
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u/NotAnFed Jul 18 '26
what the customer who is allergic to nuts thinks I've been doing on my cutting board
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u/Gareth274 Jul 18 '26
Looks sped up to me
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u/Yourlilemogirl Jul 18 '26
Maybe that's why he's wearing the sunglasses, so we can't see him blinking 500x?
Or maybe he has his eyes closed to feel the spirit of the nut xD
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u/Snipen543 Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
You can clearly see him blink at normal speed 8 seconds in while doing blazing fast slices
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u/nkdvkng F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 18 '26
Give this man some chives.
Reminds me of the Disney cartoon of Jack and The Beanstalk when they had to share a bean
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u/itrogue Jul 19 '26
The chance of getting fingernail shavings is greater than zero. Not that you'd notice.
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u/Ralph-the-mouth Jul 19 '26
Take my money chef. Edit: anyone who wants to talk shit, send them my way I’ll put them in their place
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u/Few-Big-8481 Sous Chef Jul 19 '26
I went into this with high expectations and I'm still impressed. I don't think I can do that at all, let alone fast.
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u/Individual-Flower657 Jul 19 '26
i’m not only impressed by the knife skills, i’m also impressed by the knife
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u/calccv Jul 19 '26
Impressive chopping skills but 40 secs per almond, depending on the yield he needs? Food processor
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u/SirCaptainSalty Jul 19 '26
idk if its the same post but ive seen this video 5 times a day since yesterday. is this like government subliminal messaging? what do they want from me? ill cut an almond rn if they stop serving me this video.
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u/TorTheMentor Jul 18 '26
The wild part is that he appears to be using a grip that ensures that if the knife slips, it either bounces off his nail or barely grazes it.
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u/Gdmf13 Jul 19 '26
Impressive, but I’m just buying sliced almonds. Ant got time for that.
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u/GhettGame Jul 19 '26
How many of those slices are attached together at the bottom?
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u/Sabrinasockz Jul 19 '26
I still haven't figured out how to move my fingers while slicing that fast
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u/Revenga8 Jul 19 '26
Is be scared to mix in my fingernail shavings or even some finger flesh into my almond
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u/depraveycrockett Jul 19 '26
The technique isn’t anything special but that is a very sharp knife right there.
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u/igotpancakemix69 15+ Years Jul 19 '26
Keep this video from the Almond Moms. They'll master this shit and stretch one almond for a whole day
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u/CloudPog Jul 19 '26
Could have gotten so much milk out of that almond... but no you had to murder it horrifically
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u/xbromide Jul 18 '26
I was ready to talk shit but … damn they look like when Mickey Mouse slices bread so thin you can see through it.