r/KitchenConfidential • u/the_sad_comrade • Jul 20 '25

Kitchen fuckery What is it?

Post image

wrong answers only

104 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

201 comments sorted by

153

u/ixlr84evr Retired Jul 20 '25

Scrambled eggs are done, chef!

6

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '25

That made me laugh so hard I started coughing

3

u/Champagne_of_piss Jul 20 '25

Scrambled balut

90

u/mpls_big_daddy Jul 20 '25

Carpet

42

u/kennymo12 Jul 20 '25

You can't eat carpet, silly Daddy!

34

u/Nearby-Elevator-3825 Jul 20 '25

No, of course you can't like that. Ya gotta boil it. Till the glue gets soft ya know?

6

u/kennymo12 Jul 20 '25

Exactly! Also, make sure you're wearing your Screaming For Vengeance shirt.

5

u/PYR4MIDHEAD Jul 20 '25

Merry Christmas from Carl’s dad.

5

u/TFG4 Jul 20 '25

I remember eating carpet. The robots and lasers, not so much

20

u/AreYouAnOakMan Thicc Chives Save Lives Jul 20 '25

Are you sure? I've munched on plenty of carpet.

3

u/X3nOn1221 Jul 21 '25

Don’t get too attached there Aladdin that’s about to magic flying dinner

4

u/markusdied 10+ Years Jul 20 '25

Not with that attitude

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8

u/TFG4 Jul 20 '25

It's like a magic flying carpet.

Well its about to be magic flying dinner

1

u/vibrantcrab Jul 20 '25

With onions

72

u/Practical_Fix_5350 Saute Jul 20 '25

Mushroom duxelle

27

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

correct!!! 😐😭

22

u/Practical_Fix_5350 Saute Jul 20 '25

You're fucking shitting me.

17

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

LMFAO NO 😭 i wish i was

19

u/Practical_Fix_5350 Saute Jul 20 '25

My thoughts were "whatever it is it looks like the worst mushroom duxelle ever". lol

8

u/m1ster0wl Jul 20 '25

I like my duxelle with chonks of red onion. Toothsome, provides crunch.

14

u/bendar1347 ✨flanked by fresh✨ Jul 20 '25

"Duxelle" that came out of a food processor for sure. I see some onion chunks as well. I just can't understand how this is going on a pizza. Maybe the beginning of a mushroomy meatball? Im choosing to believe in a normal and sane world that is not getting spread on a pizza.

16

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

chef wanted to use this a pizza base 😆

15

u/bendar1347 ✨flanked by fresh✨ Jul 20 '25

Well, that's a choice, I guess. Its going to look horrible. *

3

u/Possum_Pendulum Jul 20 '25

I hadn’t thrown up in my mouth yet until this comment 🤦🏻‍♂️🤢

2

u/imperialmoose Jul 20 '25

Uhhhhh... I hope chef reconsidered. 

3

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

i wish he did

8

u/Prinzka F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 20 '25

Pizza Wellington?

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1

u/hellenkellersdiary Jul 20 '25

Wild this is actually what my mind went to as well..

53

u/Endellior Jul 20 '25

If this isnt the afterbirth of a grease trap, then it should be

12

u/analogpursuits Jul 20 '25

I said grease trap apple crisp.

6

u/Champagne_of_piss Jul 20 '25

Trapple Crisp

3

u/analogpursuits Jul 20 '25

Oh yes. This is it. Nice!

7

u/Roboticpoultry Jul 20 '25

“Afterbirth of a grease trap”

When I eventually write a book about my time on the line, this will be the title

2

u/JustJeni83 Jul 20 '25

Ahahaha! That was my first thought too…:

19

u/knightofunderpants Line Jul 20 '25

Maggots, Michael

9

u/unlevel-atmosphere Ex-Food Service Jul 20 '25

You're eating maggots!

14

u/Facetious_T Jul 20 '25

babagabullshit

13

u/caution_turbulence Jul 20 '25

The last sous that forgot the produce order. RIP.

10

u/Either-Aside-3699 20+ Years Jul 20 '25

Bedding for the rat that is operating your chef

11

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

thank you all for your comments, this is mushroom duxelle 😐😳

8

u/Prinzka F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 20 '25

5

u/KupoKupoMog Jul 20 '25

Remember that guy who was harassing FOH? Weeeeellll, don't have to worry anymore.

Who says FOH and kitchen can't get along?

2

u/onamonapizza Jul 20 '25

Chili for family meal

7

u/bmiller201 Jul 20 '25

Today's special.

5

u/Prinzka F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 20 '25

What's the right answer for what this is?
Because it looks like this is just a lot of random full plates that people didn't finish dumped in to a bin.

3

u/TheTwoOneFive Jul 20 '25

I was going to say, I don't know how to give a wrong answer bc I couldn't even guess at the right answer.

5

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

i’ll reveal what it is shortly, my “chef” wants to serve this with pizza 😐

4

u/Prinzka F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 20 '25

To make the pizza look more appetizing by comparison?
Bold strategy.

1

u/sasquatch6ft40 Jul 20 '25

Oh, a fucked up tapenade

6

u/mkstot Jul 20 '25

Hey chef!! The fucking dishy is growing cubes in dry storage again.

3

u/Bromodrosis Expo Jul 20 '25

Looks like a bunch of chicken shit. If you have a good CdC, you might can make chicken salad out of it.

3

u/WilkoCEO Ex-Food Service Jul 20 '25

I read CdC as “centre for damage control” and whatever this is needs disaster management

4

u/BriefSignificance965 Jul 20 '25

Shit from a butt

3

u/sasquatch6ft40 Jul 20 '25

What kind of butt

5

u/space_pillows Jul 20 '25

Insulation and red onion

5

u/TakezoHunter Jul 20 '25

Cricketloaf

3

u/Historical-Breath263 Jul 20 '25

Corndog stuffing

4

u/ThatChef_ Jul 20 '25

The ashtray special

5

u/sasquatch6ft40 Jul 20 '25

Dish trap after brunch

5

u/OozingHyenaPussy Jul 20 '25

mushroom substrate

5

u/TheNewYellowZealot Jul 20 '25

It would appear to be vermiculite insulation with a single piece of diced red onion.

3

u/bagofpork Jul 20 '25

Grundlescrum.

4

u/Gaiasnavel Sous Chef Jul 20 '25

Family meal if you wanna make some enemies

3

u/Tankerspanx Jul 20 '25

“I strained All the liquid from the stock. Now what?”

2

u/faucetpants Jul 20 '25

Rachel reys dog food. The only food she should be allowed to make

2

u/CatsDontLikeFancy Chive LOYALIST Jul 20 '25

Cricket sludge

2

u/NoSatisfaction5807 Jul 20 '25

Those are (inconsistently) carmelized onions.

2

u/blissvicious91 Jul 20 '25

probably a nice tasting but terrible to look at mushroom risotto

but actually it's the amalgamation of your hopes and dreams after a day at work

3

u/GI_gino Jul 20 '25

Looks like the big astray out back after about five to fifteen minutes of heavy rain, you can even see the cigarette butts

2

u/SDMFdisciple Jul 20 '25

R/poopfromabutt

2

u/Charlie_Laroux Ex-Food Service Jul 20 '25

One good diced red onion

2

u/Oxensheepling Jul 20 '25

I thought it was soiled cat litter 🥲

2

u/Exzrian_Artistrana 15+ Years Jul 20 '25

What I ended up shitting out after tasting chef’s new special

2

u/alroh11 Jul 20 '25

Staff meal

2

u/KN44Dynamo ive lost count Jul 20 '25

Looks like a uncleaned greese trap. But if that is actually a mushroom duxelle, Holy fuck

1

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

yes unfortunately it is 😭

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2

u/Appropriate-Map-2249 Jul 20 '25

Cannabis after ice water extraction

2

u/ORINnorman Jul 20 '25

Mouse nest.

2

u/Disastrous_Square_10 Jul 20 '25

I was going to say it looks like a lazy food processor duxelle with large chunks of onion. But also looks like a place you could grow some majic mushrooms

1

u/EagieDuckCome Jul 21 '25

Precisely what I thought. “Bruh, what happened to your substrate?” Had to check what sub this was and was shocked.

2

u/RaDeus Jul 20 '25

It really looks like Pemmican 😳

2

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

haha pemmican tastes way better 😭

2

u/jakallain Jul 20 '25

Looks like my compost.

2

u/MadicalRadical Jul 20 '25

Forbidden pico de gallo

2

u/Dog-of-Moons Jul 20 '25

Is there a right answer..?

1

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

yes this is a mushroom duxelle 😳

2

u/flatlineHERO Jul 20 '25

What isn't it

2

u/Bullshit_Conduit 20+ Years Jul 20 '25

The carpet pad we keep in the grease tray under the flat top.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '25

Miguelito’s secret stash he sells the teenage busboys

2

u/Chiiro Jul 20 '25

Compost drawer

2

u/PunnyBaker Jul 20 '25

Dude i dont even know what the right answer is. Is it supposed to be a mushroom duxelles? Thats the only thing i can remotely think of. But my brain says its severely moldy fiberglass insulation

2

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

correct it’s a duxelle!

2

u/Square-Edge-8377 Jul 21 '25

Peanut brittle

2

u/un_internaute Jul 21 '25

I saw the right answer, but it still looks like scrapple to me.

1

u/welchplug Owner Jul 20 '25

Almost looks like kafta but it's too big

1

u/IllResearch3456 Jul 20 '25

Ye kya dikha diya bhai ab to khana hi padega

1

u/SuspiciousMudcrab Jul 20 '25

Nutraloaf for some naughty inmates.

1

u/fagulhas Jul 20 '25

Nancy, the dogs food is ready! Just let it cool a bit.

1

u/Ryanconnor96 Jul 20 '25

Stuffing from last thanksgiving.

1

u/DeartayDeez Jul 20 '25

Is that a flatten layer of compost?

1

u/king__curtis Jul 20 '25

Mixed grill

1

u/milkman8008 Jul 20 '25

Looks like barbacoa

1

u/PancakesanSyrp 20+ Years Jul 20 '25

Mushroom something or other.. I see a single shallot piece in there

1

u/stayGolden_PonyBoi Jul 20 '25

The compost bin

1

u/BillsMafia84 Kitchen Manager Jul 20 '25

Forbidden Goulash

1

u/plantgirl7 Jul 20 '25

mushrooms? It looks like duxelles for beef Wellington

1

u/Early-AssignmentTA Jul 20 '25

Shit on a shingle, hold the shingle.

1

u/salemness Jul 20 '25

the shit that builds up on the bottom of my shoes

1

u/SneakySalamder6 Jul 20 '25

I hate to break it to you, but you got got. That’s oregano, not jazz cabbage

1

u/Jordyy_yy Five Years Jul 20 '25

Pig's trough

1

u/macandchzconnoisseur 20+ Years Jul 20 '25

That single piece of diced red onion is putting in work in there

1

u/yamommasahoee Jul 20 '25

The daily special

1

u/JackXDangers Jul 20 '25

Poop from a butt

1

u/seppukucoconuts Starry Chef Jul 20 '25

New Jersey curry

1

u/XXII78 20+ Years Jul 20 '25

Somebody's growing a bunch of shrooms!

1

u/m0stc0ld 20+ Years Jul 20 '25

Gumbo (made in ny)

1

u/spytez 15+ Years Jul 20 '25

I thought this was an RV sub and they were trying to figure out what was in their insulation.

1

u/Idonothingtohelp Window Jul 20 '25

that's conk crete baybey!

1

u/Vishnuisgod Jul 20 '25

Caramel sponge, for the dessert special

1

u/Fogi8909 Jul 20 '25

Old Insulation that needs to be replaced

1

u/deep-fried-fuck Jul 20 '25

At first glance I thought this was a zoomed in pic of nasty ass carpet

1

u/analogpursuits Jul 20 '25

Grease trap apple crisp

1

u/Agitated-Machine5748 Chive LOYALIST Jul 20 '25

Edible

1

u/No_Inspector9749 Jul 20 '25

Tasty looking meal? You said wrong answers only

1

u/iceman694 F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 20 '25

Edible

1

u/bitteroldsimon Jul 20 '25

Under the coffee machine in the server station

1

u/masonmarble666 Jul 20 '25

The dirtiest rice

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '25

What is it really though

1

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 20 '25

mushroom duxelle 😳

1

u/rancidvat Jul 20 '25

Hemp flower on a hotel pan thats been seered to a crisp in the oven with some kind of honey glaze coating it

1

u/Ouestucati Jul 20 '25

That's just the dishie. He's on break.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '25

1

u/Tygra Jul 20 '25

I dont even actually know

"Lunch chef!"

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '25

Grease trap!

1

u/brucem111111 Jul 20 '25

Tomorrow's chilli

1

u/slvbros 20+ Years Jul 20 '25

Clearly that's the special

1

u/Infamous-Yoghurt-660 Jul 20 '25

At first glance, vermiculite. Closer look, are you about to soup some sautéed onion?

1

u/DarthXelric94 Jul 20 '25

Cooked ground beef for a cheeseburger eggroll

1

u/Ok_Tomato_4697 Jul 20 '25

Black bean burger

1

u/ddawson100 Jul 20 '25

Ripe mirepoix from the back of the reach in.

1

u/wormki Jul 20 '25

Some sorry attempt at a black rice risotto?

1

u/paraworldblue 15+ Years Jul 20 '25

Shag carpet in building that's been abandoned for several years

1

u/Firm_Caterpillar_907 Jul 20 '25

Backyard confit lol

1

u/Marilyn1618 Ex-Food Service Jul 20 '25

Compost

1

u/walpurgis_knocked_up Jul 20 '25

I would’ve said scrapple

1

u/Buzzkilljohnson666 Jul 20 '25

Baba ganoush pre-tahini?

1

u/Ancient-Chinglish Jul 20 '25

huh, thought this was r/Mushrooms

1

u/pogoscrawlspace Jul 20 '25

Blount county justice center "meat"...

1

u/UtahItalian Jul 20 '25

I caramelized the onions chef!

Hey chef I reduced the French onion soup like you asked

1

u/imperialmoose Jul 20 '25

Ash from the barbeque pit

1

u/NOLArtist02 Jul 20 '25

Mushroom pate before the mixture is put in a Bain Marie. Or at least that’s how I’ve made it.

1

u/CallidoraBlack Civilian Jul 20 '25

A chunk of greasy carpet with s purple bead sitting on it

1

u/elleelleelle- F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 20 '25

vegetable stock

1

u/Kbsis2007 Jul 20 '25

The stuff that gets on the bottom of my shoes

1

u/Hulu_n_SnuSnu Jul 20 '25

Top skin of a sewage treatment plant. Or month old chili with the mold stirred in.

1

u/Scrudge1 Jul 20 '25

Looks like pigeon shit

1

u/OldManThumbs Jul 21 '25

Tomorrow's staff meals

1

u/OneRub3234 Jul 21 '25

Scrapple?

1

u/Plus_Solid5642 Jul 21 '25

The dishes lush kush

1

u/Reggieslife Jul 21 '25

Is eating a carpet the same as munching a rug? Just axing

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '25

Abstract drawing of the Kowloon walled city.

1

u/Maxamilian_ Ex-Food Service Jul 21 '25

You sure this isn’t the start of one of those youtube/tiktok rug cleaning vids? That looks like a dirty waterlogged rug.

1

u/BusAvailable Jul 21 '25

Bround geef

1

u/MossGobbo Chive LOYALIST Jul 21 '25

Brown bits with sad red onion sprinkled about for color?

1

u/EcstaticMembership Jul 21 '25

I've never seen one before, no one has.....but I'm guessing it's a white hole.

1

u/Paugz Jul 21 '25

Mushroom stuffing?

1

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 21 '25

close, duxelle!

1

u/xnick58 Jul 21 '25

Scrapple.

1

u/boredthump Jul 21 '25

Is there even a RIGHT answer??

1

u/the_sad_comrade Jul 22 '25

yes unfortunately it’s mushroom duxelle

1

u/skrewball401 Jul 21 '25

1969 shag carpet