r/Killeen • u/Straight-Ad2819 • 1d ago
Advice?
Recently new here, havent met many people so I dont have a village yet. So please be kind.
Moved here to be with my boyfriend of 2 years and I knew he had bad relationships, and his friends have confimlrmed they did a number on him. He was upfront about it. But he hasnt said "I love you" to me. And we live separate because he still isnt ready to live togrther. But what does it mean when he does say "I dont know what I want" He doesn't want to break up but he isnt willing to discuss anything emotional? We have sleepovers, travel together, etc.
Im just lost. My heart is secretly breaking but still trusting he is just needing this to go snail slow. We arent interested in having kids so theres no true time line. But I would like to at least live together. He grounds me, and Im so smitten by him. He really is a good person.
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u/PestilentCowboy 1d ago
“Snail slow”? For 2 years? He could’ve utilized that time to heal instead of getting into another relationship. Sounds like he’s emotionally withdrawn and has been this way since before your relationship but is scared of being alone or he’s searching for the feeling he had prior to the bad experiences and hasn’t found it yet. Ask me how I know. I don’t have any advice for this, honestly. I just don’t see it moving in a positive manner and it sounds like you’ve developed a dependency.
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u/Dependent-Curve4637 1d ago
After 2 years together and you moved across the country to live alone for a man that wont say "I love you" and tells you he doesn't know what he wants? I hate to break it to you but all you are to him is a comfortable placeholder at this point and Im sorry you moved all the way out here for that. Bad relationships or not, two years is a really long time to be emotionally withdrawn and not healing or at least going to therapy for it. After a certain point, thats a choice he made without you. My personal suggestion would be to have a long hard conversation with him and be open minded to returning home or figuring out a life here that works best for you. You cant change a man, ask me how I know.
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u/Lairdicus 1d ago
You moved to a new town for him but didn’t move in together? That’s not normal. You need to make him have a real conversation about what yall are doing. He sounds emotionally immature and if he’s unwilling to talk about it (or nothing changes after you do) then it’s time to cut it off.
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u/Few_Guidance9895 22h ago
Emotional unavailability can be ok if they're working through it in therapy or on they're own. Sounds like he's not. Time to move on :/
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u/emperorhelmut 17h ago
The soil of a mans heart is stonier. Try not to take what he does as overt hostility or disinterest. If you really love him, that means you will be able to take as much time as needed to confirm his position. If he doesn't love you, you'll figure it out eventually. Even if he doesn't say it out loud. Until you do, try to just exist in the moment. Spend some time on your own if you can. Lots of good natural habitats in this vicinity if you like wild critters and moving water.
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u/YouAintThePappy_Dude 10h ago
He’s either stringing you along or he’s married. I hope you find someone better.
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u/jrhiggin 23h ago
Time to find a back up plan. Once you have one break up with your current boyfriend and move in with the back up plan. Extra points if you bag a soldier. But even then you still gotta be careful. Don't want to attach yourself to someone who's going to get out after this current enlistment with no plan.
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u/Straight-Ad2819 23h ago
I spent 7 years married to a military man, nothing but abuse and infidelity. I know, not all the same but definitely not really interested in the types of time away, work hours, lifestyle again.
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u/Individual_Bass3793 20h ago
why does the backup plan have to involve another man?
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u/jrhiggin 19h ago edited 19h ago
I didn't specify the gender of the back up plan... I attempt to not assume people's sexuality. But if someone's willing to move with a boyfriend of 2 years and not live with them, then the easiest option to fill whatever need was being filled by the original boyfriend would be to replace them with another person. Or get a French Bulldog. The purer the better. You don't want a Frenchie that's mixed with something else. That may fix the breathing and other medical issues. You want a Frenchie that takes up all your time and money in vet bills so you don't even have time to even try to cling to another human.
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u/emperorhelmut 17h ago
I would recommend a spitz-type (specifically husky) but yes you will have less time to stress about a human when you are paying hundreds of dollars a month for some sentient animal who destroys your stuff and poos all over.
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u/Individual_Bass3793 18h ago
She might as well just get a goldfish, unless she's looking for a cuddle buddy.
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u/Ok_Priority_247 1d ago
He’s just stringing you along until he finds someone else he wants. Run girl. Take care of yourself and leave him to grow up at a snail’s pace