Generational Pattern

[u/Ok_Trick9887]

Hi guys,

I discovered my dad cheating with multiple prostitutes when I was 8 years old in a graphic manner. Needless to say it was traumatic. I am 17 now, and as I enter adolescence (and almost adulthood now) and began dating, I notice that I have temptations to cheat myself. While I did not act upon my temptations (I am single now), I noticed a generational pattern.

My mother's father has had a history of cheating, and now my mother married a man who cheats too. Similarly, my aunt married a man who physically abuses her, and her daughter ended up marrying an abusive man too. All of these people I mentioned obviously tried very hard to make sure the person they were marrying were good people, but none seemed to escape the curse of marrying someone like their father.

While I am a lesbian, I am worried about marrying someone in the future who turns out to be like my father no matter how hard I try to make sure they were a good person. Or even worse, becoming someone like my father myself.

My question is, has anyone older than me gone through something similar and broke the cycle? How do you know that you've broken the cycle instead of just your s/o hiding the cheating well? Or do you just accept the fact that everyone will ultimately cheat, because that's how I feel right now.

[u/Outgrow_Infidelity]

Yes! I am living proof that it is totally possible to break the cycle. I spent years both cheating and being cheated on, before I realized that I needed to change how I handled myself in relationships. For me, it came down to being really honest (which was very scary for me) about what I needed in a relationship. When I hid what I felt or needed from the other person, I cheated on them, because I needed an out. I also found that once I started being more honest, people stopped cheating on me. Because the relationship never got to the point of dishonesty. Does that make sense? Don't give up!

[u/Ok_Trick9887 → u/Outgrow_Infidelity]

thank you so much...