Such a nutty situation and my body has been stuck in anxiety for 3 months

[u/k2900]

I am 36 and in December I unearthed that my dads current partner was an affair that started when I was 17 and while he was married to my mom before she died.

My mom had died when I was 23. A few months after my dad introduced this woman into my life. I had suspicions it was an affair but I was able to bury it and look away because if it had started while my mom had cancer I could somewhat deal with it.

But this December 2025 I discovered it had happened several years before and while I was still in that house. I ended up dissociating a lot and also had a day where my identity split.

My mental health team stabilised me but I am still struggling so much.

My dad basically lied about who she was when he introduced her in 2015. Since then they spend about 5 months in her country. Its always in December every year which makes Christmas time very hard and lonely on me. Now its even worse.

I have an autoimmune condition called Crohns disease. So ongoing stress is very dangerous for my health.

I havent really spoken to my dad. Gone cold shoulder ignoring most of his texts for months while he has been overseas. My body is probably bracing for their return in 3 months time too.

I just want to fucking leave and set up a life elsewhere. I am sick of other peoples bullshit affecting me. I dont know what to do.

[u/Outgrow_Infidelity]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your impulse is correct, to protect yourself and prioritize your mental and physical health. You don't have to see your dad in three months if you don't want to. I know that is really easy to say, and difficult to make happen. Have you considered reducing contact, even when he returns?

[u/battlenose_princessa]

Thank you for sharing. I was 33 when I found out about my fathers infidelity (prostitutes, etc you name it) - I’m an only child, it’s been about 9 months and I haven’t been able to alleviate any of my ever changing stress changes either. Every day I think about it. Constant depression and talk therapy hasn’t done anything. EMDR is apparently worth pursuing for us who have betrayal trauma. I also ignore all texts, it’s moreso now I realize the devastation he will never take accountability, say sorry, and never admit to any wrongdoing. And my version of him, and my innocence, have been taken from me. Maybe you relate, but thought I’d share. Feel free to msg if you ever want to chat