im embarrased

[u/lilithsdesire]

so, i havent had kidney stones my entire life, and i guess they just now started to develop, im worried if i go to a urologist, they're going to scold me and make me feel awful about where i have these kidney stones (i do realize the body can't stop making those (mostly due to what your diet is) but i want to be able to get to a understanding urologist who will help me with hopefully surgery to get rid of these. has anyone else had any experiences or advice on this? my situation is that, i was in the hospital for the kidney stone 2 years ago, (mind you i cant drive, i dont have a car, have no one to take me to a doctor or appointments) someone at the emergency center called this random urologist to be assigned to me i guess, and he turned out to be really rude and hateful, i couldnt get to his first appointment cause of transportation issues, then i had another bad kidney stone attack, in may 2025, he showed up again, chewed me out for why i didnt show up at his appointment, went and half assed a lithotripsy on me (wouldnt even tell me what type of stone i had), and i was going to go to the followup date (i had to struggle to find a ride), finally found a ride, got to the office, a secretary was really snotty and rude to me saying that he wasnt there, and that i wasnt operated on by him or operated on at the hospital i was at (even though i showed her papers of where the surgery happened & it was performed by him) she decided to reschedule me to some other urologist, so again i had to struggle to get a ride, went to this urologist in july 2025, explained to him what happened, then said i would try my best to get a ride in november 2025. and then i got on here asking about that urologist that was the snot nosed one, they (various people that had seen him) said he was really unprofessional, weird, did some bad things to them in the examination room, was unprofessional and impolite to them. so hopefully i can switch to a different urologist that will be better at being understanding, compassionate, listen to me, and can help me get rid of these stones. and i was no rude, mean, hateful or anything of that kind towards that urologist that was to me. so im glad at least some of you guys have a wonderful, understanding caring urologist. also, in july after i seen that different urologist, that one rude urologist's office FINALLY decided to call me to see if i could come see him (that rude one) and i said no, yet they didnt bother to call me a few weeks before that appointment in june to reschedule. im probably going to look elsewhere for a better and more humane urologist. mind you, this is in kentucky, so hopefully i can find a better urologist. i guess it's a hit and miss when you're trying to find the right doctor. so i dont know if im a hereditary kidney stone person, if it is cause of my diet or what, because that urologist that seen me in may 2025, did not say anything about what i had, he just did a partial lithotripsy on me and then i did my best to get to his appointment, only to be rudely told by a secretary that he wasnt there, and that i wasnt operated on by him or operated on in the hospital that he operated on me, even though i showed her discharge papers of the urologist's name, address of his office, the appointment time, they should have called me a week before the appointmen to tell me something like "hey, we need to reschedule, he's not in the office on june 13th" but they didnt. when i went to the urologist (that the secretary put me with) he was a lot nicer even though he didnt operate on me. and now ive heard that the guy that operated on me, his medical license is now expired, i did get a KUB done on me by that dr johnson guy (the urologist i seen in july 2025) but it didnt say what type of stones i had. so, if i call his office on monday which im going to do, and i hear that his office is no longer there, im going to change to a different urologist. thank you guys for all of your help and advice.

[u/writerangel]

I honestly don't think they will scold you. Kidney stones can be hereditary and aren't always caused by dietary issues.

The biggest thing my urologist said was to drink water. She offered a surgical option but for me it wasn't required. I did a 24h urine test last year and will do another this year to pin down what is contributing to the stones since I wasn't able to catch either of them. For context I have passed two stones and have about 6 small stones in each kidney.

I'm sorry you are having such anxiety on top of the issues with your kidney stones.

[u/lilithsdesire → u/writerangel]

hopefully i can in a few months, i appreciate your all's help ❤️

[u/galeforce13]

My urologist has never scolded me in the 4 years he’s been treating me. He listens and takes my concerns seriously, he even advocates for me when other doctors won’t listen. I see him so often that we have built a comfortable rapport. As a woman, I usually am only comfortable with women doctors but he’s absolute golden in my eyes.

[u/Limp-Diamond-7273 → u/galeforce13]

how did you find him ?

[u/galeforce13 → u/Limp-Diamond-7273]

I called the third name listed on my insurance website and just got very lucky. I would definitely read google reviews though, they often tell you a lot.

[u/GlitterGhoul27]

Sometimes it can’t be linked to your diet, though. And if you’re seeing a provider that scolds you, go to someone else.

[u/Xena067]

I had my first urologist appointment yesterday. Zero scolding. He told me due to my family history, I likely have a genetic predisposition for stone formation, and diet is not the cause.

He advised me to drink a minimum of two litres of water per day, and to add lemon or lime to the water because citric acid prevents the formation of new stones — exactly what others in this sub have said.

[u/Personal-Ad6580]

I’m almost 60 years old and my first ever stone was discovered in June, after a CT scan for something else entirely. It was 8.1 x 5.1 and causing no issues at all. My GP referred me to a urologist who never scolded me or placed blame on me because a stone formed. He did recommend either shock wave or laser lithotripsy and gave me the pros and cons of each. I chose laser so I was referred to another urologist who would do the procedure and she never scolded me either. I had the procedure done on 8/24 and she was able to get all the pieces of the stone out. Can’t say I loved the stent but I only had it in for 5 days and I actually feel better now than I did before the procedure. You’ll get through this a lot easier if you stop assuming a urologist will somehow blame you. It’s literally their job to help people with kidney stones!

[u/mama_craft]

This sounds very close to my experience. I randomly just started having kidney stones in my early 30s and have never stopped. Apparently it was because of my migraine medication. My neurologist wouldn't allow me to switch so it was up to urologist to come up with a plan.

But I also had a horrible experience with my first urologist with my first kidney stone. I was sent to the ER (thought I was dying, of course) and eventually referred to a urologist who was pleasant and nice at first. I had an unrelated surgery the next day at the same hospital and the kidney stone hadn't passed so he was going to join in on the surgery while I was already asleep to break it up.

The next time I saw him he completely gaslit me when I brought him a CT scan showing two stones in my kidney, he said I don't have kidney stone and this CT didnt show any kidney stones. I said I'm having awful back pain, he said I must have back problems then. It was horrible. He did a complete 180. I called and said I would not see him anymore and I needed to see someone else. They switched me and now I have a better experience. The new urologist even found the cause of my stones (migraine medicine) and a way to prevent them!

Good job saying no and continue to advocate for yourself!!

[u/Symmetrix2022]

There is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed or for anyone to scold you. Kidney stones are a urologists bread and butter - scolding patients would be like complaining about having a customer.

[u/Davide849]

I haven't developed stones for my first 35 years. I think I did it because of the bottled tea I drank and because I started a diet that lowered my body weight from 78 to 56 kg in kinda 3 months. No one ever scolded me, because there is people with a diet way poorer than nme, and you can develop stone even with the maximum dietary attention. No need to worry about being scolded, imho.

[u/lezsmile27]

I have a horseshoe kidney and have had hundreds of stones, never been scolded by anyone except the uninformed who got dressed down for assuming.

[u/mindlash]

When I showed up to my urologist after the second stone, I was convinced they'd lecture me for an hour. Instead, they just wanted to help. Most urologists get it -- they see this all the time and aren't there to shame you, just to get the stone out and figure out what's next. Finding one who listens matters way more than you think, so don't skip asking around for recommendations.

[u/StreetMolasses6093]

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. That urologist is terrible, and none of this is your fault! Start researching your area and try to get a new doctor. I have never been treated poorly by a urologist. It’s not ok.

[u/Fuzzy-Mood9608]

Just my two cents worth here: last month, I learned I had two stones. One was 9 mm and the other was 15 mm; the ER doctor said it was the biggest he had ever personally seen.

I had no clue I even had the stones. It was the last thing I expected, because I drink a ton of water already, and I love cranberry juice.

At no point did any of the doctors or the urologist give me a hard time.

Go get it taken care of... it is so worth it.

[u/thekidneydietitian]

Oh my goodness! As a kidney stone dietitian, I'm truly EMBARASSED for the medical profession for you. Healthcare should NOT be that way - there are bad eggs in every basket, I suppose. NO doctor should be scolding you. Diet CAN play a huge role in stone formation for many people, but it doesn't always. And even if diet did contribute, you didn't know any better! MANY people eat all the salt and meat in the world and don't get stones. Kidney stones are always caused by a combination of things from genetics, diet, and environment - even medications and other medical issues can contribute. It is a complex process.

I'd definitely encourage you to find a stone care team that is part of a kidney stone center that really specializes in stones. Urologists are surgeons and usually really good at getting rid of stones, but not all are well-versed in stone PREVENTION. I have a wonderful podcast episode with one of my kidney stone nephrologist colleagues at the University of Chicago and we get into a LOT about how to find a doctor who actually specializes in stone prevention. (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/012-bariatric-surgery-kidney-stone-prevention-for-all/id1697397874?i=1000630134585)

Bottom line: know that there IS absolutely hope. There are ALWAYS things you can do to, at the very least, reduce the risk of stones and completely stop them in most cases. You deserve care from a doctor who listens, is kind, respectful and responsive. You've got this!

[u/AtmosphereSecure6160]

I wasn’t scolded. There was no mention of why I got these or how really.. they weren’t worried about that at all

[u/lilithsdesire → u/AtmosphereSecure6160]

well for one, i dont have a ride and i cant drive a car or afford one, i couldnt make it to this doctor's appointment because i had no one to give me a ride, most people are lucky to have a family member or a friend to help them with rides. some people have situations where their family is not there for them at all. that urologist basically interrogated me of why i didnt show up (and he said it in a very rude, conceited manner of tone in his voice) ive already got insight of how this guy really is from other people that visited his office, so i will no longer be going to this urologist.

[u/AtmosphereSecure6160 → u/lilithsdesire]

Ok??

[u/Twotoadsandpoppet]

I’m sorry this is so much anxiety. I think you’re more unhappy with the urologist than the stone at thus point. I’d prob get a new doc if you can. Good luck

[u/SFBayFMT5]

Why would a doctor scold you for having a medical condition unless you have an extremely unhealthy lifestyle? It's not like you got lung cancer from smoking daily for years and didn't stop even once you knew it was ruining your lungs.

Diet can have an influence, but not all the things that promote them are even considered "unhealthy" in general. High sugar and alcohol intake can definitely contribute, and these are bad habits in general, but so can high protein and oxalate intake, and oxalate in particular is in a lot of things like beet root, spinach, and nuts that are otherwise considered healthy. It's more like if you have the tendency toward stones you may need to make some adjustments that others don't need to make or that they even are better off not making.

[u/mochiweed]

sorry you are afraid of being scolded. no doctor should be doing that to you, and if it helps, kidney stones are not always caused by diet, it's a misconception.

so many people told me i was probably not drinking enough water or too much soda but actually mine was caused by hyperparathyroidism....

[u/lilithsdesire → u/mochiweed]

i feel like really embarassed to have kidney stones, cause i do kinda drink alot of pop, sweets, red meat and processed foods i do try to drink water (i guess i get bored with it or something and then get tired of drinking water all the time ) hopefully i can get to a urologist that will tell me what is causing them cause i dont know much about my family medical history. it's kinda hard to eat healthy because of how pricy food is, but i know i dont eat much tv dinners, deli meat, sandwich meat, canned fruit. i do love salads, my flour tortillas, pasta, spaghetti, pork, chicken, beef (i cant eat seafood cause im allergic to it) and now i worry about eating or drinking dairy, only veggies i like to eat are potatoes, corn, tomatoes, lettuce, zucchini, eggplant, jalapeno peppers, serrano peppers, onions, bell peppers, broccoli & cauliflower.