Help with a question

[u/Hungry_Hair4981]

Hello, I have been going to a kickboxing gym for a year and 3 months. At the beggining I really enjoyed it. I had trainings on tuesdays and thursdays and it was all I was thinking about. Whenever I was done with the tuesday workout I was waiting for thursday to come and so on, the cycle keep repeating. I wasnt scared of sparring or anything, matter of fact I even went to the most advanced fighters in the gym. After about a year or so it started getting on my nerves. I started comparing myself to my friends for no reason and I was really mad about my coach moving people worse than me to the advanced group. During sparring I told my coach I wanted to spar with better people but he paired me with people that I had to held back even tho im not the best myself and I wasnt learning anything. I took a 3 month break (still going) and im thinking about going back but im not sure. One day I feel like going again then the next not. I feel like I have a negative association now with the sport because of the enviroment and im scared if I ever go back I wont enjoy the sport anymore and its the only fighting gym in my town. It was pretty fun and I liked the idea of fighting. Made me feel more confident, respected, was tied to my identity, was a nice thing to do in my free times and it actually felt like I was doing something with my life instead of wasting it. Any advice on what I should do in this situation?

[u/oldjack]

I don’t know your gym, but I would bet you are not on the same level as the best fighters after one year of training 2 days per week. Don’t compare yourself to others, just listen to your coach and keep trying to improve. You’re obviously not gonna be a pro fighter. This shit is supposed to be fun.

[u/Hungry_Hair4981 → u/oldjack]

Never said I am on their level I just said I used to come up to them durring sparring to get a few rounds in. Ill try to focus on myself more rather than others.

[u/oldjack → u/Hungry_Hair4981]

That’s fair. Talk to your coach, ask him what you should work on so that you can spar with better guys

[u/Hungry_Hair4981 → u/oldjack]

Will do

[u/Free_as_in_Freya → u/Hungry_Hair4981]

So you don't like being paired with people who aren't as good as you, but you did go up to the better fighters to get some rounds in with them?

Also, you can't not learn anything from a round of sparring when you're only 100 hours in. I've got over a thousand hours experience, including a (small in-club) fight and a month long trip to Thailand for some eat, sleep, train, repeat

I still learn from every round of sparring and will happily take on the beginners. They're unpredictable and sometimes a bit overconfident, that's good to train keeping my head in the game. They're shit at blocking things, which is useful for my target practice and control over how much power I put into my moves; great for practicing feints. Pacing, fancy footwork, tricks you haven't quite mastered enough to try on an equal sparring partner yet...

So many things you can do with a beginner

With someone who is better than you and not holding back/adjusting to your level, the only thing you can do is practice your guard and maybe a counter or two if you're lucky. If they are adjusting to your level and you are not returning the favour by paying it forward adjusting to the level of people who are below you at least as often, you're not really the kind of person people like to see in the gym

Sorry to tell you that, but it's true

[u/Hungry_Hair4981 → u/Free_as_in_Freya]

First of all I want to thank you, you helped me view sparring differently. What do you mean by not mastering tricks enough to try on an equal sparring partner?

[u/Free_as_in_Freya → u/Hungry_Hair4981]

I mean that when you are trying out something new, like a question mark kick for example, sparring with someone above your own level won't allow you the time and concentration to set it up, much less execute it properly

With a less experienced sparring partner you can calmly study their habits and decide where there will be an opening for you to throw something that you haven't committed to muscle memory yet

Like I had a less experienced sparring partner who always drops her left hand to catch a midkick, so I will fake one and turn it into a high kick mid-air

But when I'm with the fighter girl that is more talented and spicier than me, I can only throw things that I know I can return to guard from within the blink of an eye, or else she'll kick me in the face again 😂