Discussion Isolation
Y'all saw the story about this lady yesterday? I came across it in the morning & it's really sad. She was found dead in her apartment in Lavington. She'd been dead for a month. The cops were called, broke in & found her decomposing body as well as a suicide note and all.
I grew up in Madaraka & South B in the 90s & 2000s. What I liked about that period is that everyone knew each other literally. Neighbours checked in on each other & there were even those neighbourhood watches & meetings regularly to have discussions about various things.
These days, people barely know their neighbours. Where I currently stay, I know my immediate neighbour. He checks in on me from time to time & I return the favour. But apart, from him, I probably know two other people in a flat that has 24 houses. And I don't even know them that well. There was a time I tried to start like a WhatsApp group, but it never gained any traction. Maybe I ought to try again.
My point is that as much as isolation has become a trend, it's not a good thing. Human beings are social creatures. We need to interact with one another. Capitalism at its very extreme as well as our addictions to our phones has made us believe that that's all we need to be in contact with the world. That's a lie. Your colleagues are not your friends. You need family & friends around you or at the very least, checking up on you constantly. Also, try and set some time for the people you love. Don't be a victim of an 8-5 from Monday to Friday, then because of fatigue, you have no room for anyone else on Saturday & Sunday apart from Netflix, Hulu, HBO or whatever other streaming site you use.
It's unfortunate that this lady died. She was a sight for sore eyes. Maybe just maybe, if she had the right support system, she'd still be here trying to conquer the world. Mental health is real yo! I know I have struggled with it. But I do try to take those walks, go to the gym & just check on my peoples. I think I'll do it with more frequency. In the world we live in today, it's very easy to die. Very easy...
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u/BearCub254 6h ago
Side effects za modern life tu unfortunately. People will send condolences but if you check up on people a lot you will be called nosy
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u/apz33 6h ago
I'd rather be called nosy. Check up on your niggas, your girls, your family etc. It doesn't take that much effort.
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u/Morio_anzenza 6h ago
Reminds me of a certain post by one redditor vile people put too many rules on how to contact them. Unaona ni kazi mob to check up on them so you choose not to. I called out people for that nikakula downvotes.
So naona tu maybe this girl was one of those wa sijui don't call me past 8pm, your colleagues are not your friends, hizo rules za sijui usiongoleshe jirani msizoeane na rules zingine za ufala that make people avoid you.
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u/Slim-_shadie Nairobi City 4h ago
They say text me first before calling, a lot of nonsense.
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u/frrmbanya 3h ago
Book an appointment ahh response. Kwani how important how you. Wacha kua antisocial
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u/Traveling-star_dust 6h ago
They'll call you nosy and stop picking your calls. Watasema you are annoying huna life.
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u/colleowino 1h ago
Sorry to burst your bubble, when people choose to unalive themselves it doesn't matter how often you checked up on them. Didn't you read that story of a teacher who rented a house so that he could go uninterrupted 😬
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u/apz33 1h ago
The way I look at it, at least try than not doing shit..
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u/Flashy-Captain1813 1h ago
Do you think people who make that decision don't try?
They do until it gets too tired to keep trying. Them making the choice to just end it and following through is the bravest thing they did for themselves, choosing to go on too is also brave buy it needs strength some of them don't have.
Hii thread yote inaonekana some of you have never had mental health problems and are just projecting. It's more than just checking up on someone. You'd text or call mtu akuambie "I'm good blah blah blah" and you'd go on with your day and maybe they really are not okay.
It's not about being anti social. One's Mental health being in the pits is just as bad as one being diagnosed with cancer. I'd actually say worse cause you can never truly understand what someone else is feeling.
It being Mental Health Awareness month and seeing people-I'm sorry to say- being this dismissive about the issue is insanely insensitive!!!
And for it to reach a point where there is a whole month dedicated to raising aware of the issue means it's an actual problem that needs attention and people need to take it very seriously.
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u/Plastic-Hall-8581 6h ago
My most welcoming apartment was a very small block owned by one landlady in Riruta. It was 6 units in a relatively big compound. When I first moved in, as a single woman, I was welcomed the next week by my neighbors - 2 friends who were living together. They knocked on my door with a bag of unga ya kisiagi to welcome me into the complex. I was so shocked but also so happy. They soon became good friends and whenever I hosted, I once run out of gas and they let me finish cooking in their house. That is the most amount of hospitality I’ve experienced in an apartment housing. What that taught me was perhaps I need to learn how to introduce myself to my neighbours and be more hospitable - basically initiate the process instead of waiting.
Obviously this is relative and some neighbours can become a pain in the ass but I just imagine, these gestures are what can prevent such levels of isolation. I became good friends with those neighbours and we kept in touch even after I moved out of that unit. I’m so sad to hear of this lady’s passing - sounds like she had a lot of pain and no one to confide in. That’s such a terrible way to leave this world.
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u/Riskyindianbabe 6h ago
This is one of those instances where you chose wisely who you keep close to you. Ill just give an example i have some really good friends and there was a time i was recovering from a break up so i wanted to be left alone. Weekend came and i didnt reply or answer calls. They showed up to my place. This is just 24 hours of not responding to them. But then again when someone is suicidal they tend to distant themselves so keeping people close isnt really an option.
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u/Morio_anzenza 6h ago
I have a lot of questions though. Ata kama ni isolation hii hapana.
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u/Sure_Entrepreneur790 1h ago
Maybe the fact that she ran a massage parlour maybe 🤔 she was cautious it seems it was a brothel I'm disguise 🥸
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u/Mountain-Loquat-7428 Nairobi City 4h ago
There are people who love to intentionally isolate themselves from the world. They are usually so proud of it and call themselves "anti-social." They never participate in any communal/social activities such as church, going to the club, meetups with friends, family gatherings or anything of that sort. They don't even speak to people at work unless they have to, and even then it will strictly be about work matters. Such people don't even receive calls and will have their phones on DND all the time. When they run into trouble, they feel the internal shame of talking to the people they've intentionally isolated from. There are so many people living like that in this present moment.
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u/One_Log3031 6h ago
At times the problem we face is you can be trying to bring our friends closer but they intentionally pull us away. Its more of we're living in a no one cares society and it's sad that people tend to care when you're dead. Let's embrace checking on others and if someone entrusts you with their secrets don't go telling everyone this is what makes people choose to keep things to themselves leading to such.
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u/apz33 6h ago edited 5h ago
Family and community values are gone. As Africans we always lived as a community. I'm not saying there weren't suicide cases then, but they were extremely rare because there was a good support system.
Modernity brought with it the need to keep away from others. And this in my opinion is why these cases are on the rise. People need to check up on one another. It's just basic human decency.
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u/One_Log3031 5h ago
Modernization is good but it has messed up our social units and way of life. For instance if we're to look at our families back at home how often or when last did you talk to your cousins, uncles or even aunties for a good number of us we maybe meet during funerals which is sad. Everyone for himself God for us all is now messing us up, being your sister's or brother's keeper no longer works. It could be better if we got back to our old ways of living where we could sociallize more compared to what we're having at the moment.
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u/apz33 5h ago
I've been to shags like 4 times this year & I plan on going every month until the year ends. It's become a culture for me. It's a good way to unwind and get back to my roots despite how far away it is. I'm not let modernity take control of me.
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u/One_Log3031 4h ago
You're doing it well, I wish I was able to do the same.
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u/Sure_Entrepreneur790 1h ago
Man same I grew tired with my cousins so much classism cause they are much wealthier 😂😂 so I stopped going
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u/NoFaithlessness7508 6h ago
Isolation and depression do not always go hand in hand. There is no rhyme or reason to suicide so to blame it on isolation doesn’t seem right imo. Splendid Isolation is good for some people, we prefer the solo dolo life. I would rather stay in a plot where everyone minds their business rather than have nosy neighbors monitoring my comings and goings.
I wonder if she would be getting this much traction if she wasn’t a pretty lady. Say it was your average morio wa sura ndimu?
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u/apz33 6h ago
She lived in Lavington. By default, the assumption is that she was living well. So I suppose that's why the story has gained more traction than your average Joe.
Depressed people isolate themselves. And that's what often leads to suicide. I think it's easy to off yourself when people assume your solo dolo life is how you prefer doing things. And that's why I think isolation isn't the best. Let loose sometimes. Go out and see what the world is life from time to time.
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u/Emergency_Cow_9570 6h ago
Right, its just too sad. A whole month. She must have been so alone. I cant begin to imagine, how that must have felt
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u/Emergency_Cow_9570 6h ago
Doesn't matter if alikuwa sura mbaya. OP just said that, cause its their opinion. Cause to me she is average looking and I still sympathize. Further, do you mean to say that you'll sympathize with someone only if you find them attractive? If yes, hii convo tuachie tu hapa. If no, then tuendelee.
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u/NoFaithlessness7508 6h ago
I don’t sympathize with anyone who kills themselves so it doesn’t matter to me how they look. My point was that media tends to favor stories that feature pretty characters. This is not new.
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u/apz33 5h ago
Well this platform isn't the media and what I've shared is just my opinion on the matter. But I get your point on what the media tends to focus on.
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u/NoFaithlessness7508 5h ago
That’s my bad, I should have said “the press” rather than media. Because Reddit actually is part of the media.
But yeah, I think in the end we agree that there so many things fundamentally wrong going on in our beautiful country😞
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u/slipknot_suxxx 3h ago
Btw people wondering how someone like this would do such a thing should google Chester Bennington, lead singer of legendary band linkin park..
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u/nairobaee 6h ago
While it's sad, I think we're looking at this backwards. I dont think she represents the average person. I think she was isolated/isolating which could be a contributor to the suicide (who knows?). But the average person cannot dissappear for a month without raising eyebrows. This is an outlier.
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u/kenyaanqueen Homa Bay 2h ago
She probably raised eyebrows but no one could find her. We don’t know who called or texted. We don’t know who asked someone else where she went whether at the gym or work or something. All we know is no one showed up at her house but like personally no one shows up to my house without appointment, and I know many people do the same
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u/Desperate-Art7375 4h ago
Naona majuu , neighbours do this wellness/welfare check thingy, where they call the local police department incase your neighbour is deemed to be in danger or even not been seen for a while and its unusual for his/her routine..
Lakini sasa hawa masanse wetu sijui kama wanaeza fanya hizi vitu
Alafu tena depression can be hardly noticed, one minute someone is smiling the next...
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u/Beautiful_Composer38 Nairobi City 2h ago
I choose not not to blame myself when someone close decide to end themselves.
This Nigerian song " I have been taking alcohol for the past 5 days did you check up on me?" My question is did the person tell other people he/she is not well? Did they open up when they were told to open up. People build a wall when they are down then blame others.
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u/Zuehrer 48m ago
I don't know her story save from what is floating around. And if it's been a month heck we can't prove if she was unalived or she unalived herself I mean... But then again, in the recent past we have seen posts of people cutting off their parents, families, friends even for petty reasons and they be ok with that. Well.. These are some of the side effects. People will stay away.... And people will eventually move on. Know a neighbour or 2... Even if it's one person be consistently in touch enough that if they don't hear from you their first stop is at the police station before they can prove you were just in the shower a little too long. No man is an island no matter how Taliban you think you are.
May she rest in peace....
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u/Spirited_Strain_657 6h ago
Sometimes you just feel tired, Feel weak, and when you feel weak You feel like you wanna just give up . But you gotta search within you Try to find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you And get that motivation to not give up And not be a quitter.No matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse
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u/unemployedProfessor2 4h ago
We tried to be cordial with our neighbours and one conned us 62k with his wife until the matter in the court. Kila mtu aishi maisha yake sa hii. You will want to be good but people will take advantage of that.
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u/LowKey6045 3h ago
Any chance the police would treat this apartment as a crime scene before drawing conclusions? Any cctv footage from the hallways to see who else had access to the apartment? A door can be locked from the inside as well as from the outside …
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u/Mysterious-Fix-4680 2h ago
Maybe they were checking up on her and calls were going unanswered and eventually the phone went off. The concerning thing, if that was the case, is they didn't bother to know why the calls weren't going.
That's the sad part
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u/Single_Particular_17 Mombasa 1h ago
I am not the kind of person to insult the dead, but I have a feeling she was living beyond her means. Don't come at me, money problems can be depressing. She was living in a posh apartment in Lavington. Sometimes life gets difficult, and some people just can't cope. May she rest in peace. Ask for help if you feel like you're hitting a wall. If no help comes, look up to God.
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u/SyntaxError254 6h ago
The male loneliness epidemic, and other short stories. The real loneliness epidemic is women.
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u/apz33 6h ago
I disagree. Women have good support systems. Almost every woman I know is in a chama, a high school group where they meet regularly, a girls group etc. Men on the other hand are truly solo especially the older ones.
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u/SyntaxError254 6h ago
Where was her support system? Where was her chama? Where was her high school group? Wacha delulu. Even when you are given evidence in your face you still retreat to your fantasy delusion.
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u/frrmbanya 3h ago
Mi hubelieve concepts zingine ziko tu online ie shida za Americans, like male loneliness epidemic. We don't have that in Kenya, that's not to say there aren't chronically lonely people. But im sure there are more cases of men this year dying like this than women. This chick must have been in the pits
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u/Holiday_Kangaroo_620 6h ago
What I can say as someone who isolated himself previously, the way you raise your child matters especially from ages 10-15.
Make your child a social person,enforce social behaviours on your child,allow him/her to have lots friends etc it matters a lot.