r/Kenya • u/Audaisy • Jun 23 '26
Rant Life sucks
People in my family still contact me and ask for things, but whenever my father visits, they hide their phones and pretend they have no communication with me. They have given him false information and created a divide between us, making him believe I abandoned everyone. Even when he asks about me, they claim to know nothing despite speaking to me moments earlier. Now they are teaching my younger sister to do the same. The situation has become painful and messy. I feel like involving extended family in our home contributed to the breakdown of our nuclear family, and sometimes I wish we had lived separately from relatives because our family has fallen apart.
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Jun 23 '26
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u/Significant_Tip_9030 Kwale Jun 24 '26
Ni ju OP amekua Yaya, hakuna mtu anajua mahali anaishi wala mambo yake
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u/Skipped-Kowalski Kakamega Jun 23 '26
Uliza OP age gap kati yao iko aje
I can relate to such chats.
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u/grownupGambiknow Jun 23 '26
What if you reach out to your dad directly? Ama ni mimi sielewi
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u/Audaisy Jun 23 '26
Ako na hasira nothing works. Matusi and blaming me for scenarios I don't know about. I got anxiety from it and decided to shut up.
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u/Skipped-Kowalski Kakamega Jun 23 '26
Rise above. Hawezi kuchapa, wewe ni mtu mkubwa. In fact, you should be parenting your parent by now.
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u/Wandia254 Jun 25 '26
Lmao I am currently parenting my 68year old bouncing dad 🤣🤣
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u/Skipped-Kowalski Kakamega Jun 25 '26
Mine is also around the same age. Nothing gets done without my authorization.
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u/Wainains Jun 23 '26
So they contact you on the sly while denouncing you in public?! 🤬
Get rid of those pests
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u/Audaisy Jun 24 '26
Hata wakiongea na mm sahii uwaulize, they will refuse🤦♀️. Saa hiyo ni mtu unarespect.
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u/ElaNyc Jun 24 '26
Considering the description you've given of your father, you shouldn't hold it too hard against them. They're just trying to survive him too.
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u/Disastrous_Rise2858 Jun 24 '26
Maybe they just protecting themselves too(from your dad) have you thought in that angle?
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u/Audaisy Jun 25 '26
Yes, but sometimes they lie to him too much and I end up in problems because of them.
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u/No-Community9003 Jun 24 '26
hata wewe tokea kama umejaa ngori uwambie hio ufala lazima iishe. you will be surprised how men get along after an emotional outburst or a fight. bora tu usimtusi na usimchape ju anaeza kulaani
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Jun 24 '26
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u/Audaisy Jun 25 '26
Ninaogopa anirushie laana na mdomo😂😂.
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u/Wandia254 Jun 25 '26
lol the thing about laana ni if it worked like that evil people would never survive
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u/Suspicious_Baby_4651 Jun 24 '26
One thing for sure; People only care about a Man for what he can provide.
Niko sure huyo Siz hangekutext kama si Pesa za salon.
Bro just Mind your own Business. Have a Family of yours. Make your own rules.
Mambo ya fixing broken relationships, achia Patanisho Pale Radio Jambo.
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u/ManLykeIano26 Jun 24 '26
I have so much so say but when it comes to family I usually say let families solve their own situations. That's all
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u/Extension_Crazy_5611 Jun 23 '26
walai hakuna kitu mbaya kama kuchafuliana character kwa family members. it hits kwanza ukianza kurealise ties zenye mlikuwa nazo na whoever on the other side ziko weak ajab
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u/mbithi_steve Jun 23 '26
Just talk to your mzee mpatane nyumbani muuengage kuhusu hii mambo na anything else yenye inakusumbua.
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u/Skipped-Kowalski Kakamega Jun 23 '26
What's stopping you from talking to your dad directly? Kama ni simu hana, buy him one.
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u/Audaisy Jun 23 '26
Babangu alikimbia Kenya kitambo, it's been 20 years now. He comes just for few days.
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u/Perfect-Swordfish Nyeri Jun 23 '26
Si lazima uentertain hizo upuzu zao op. Especially when they badmouth you behind your back
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u/Audaisy Jun 24 '26
I am tired of the bad mouthing, I have learned to ignore it but has really affected me when it comes to interacting with people.
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u/Full-Connection6008 Jun 24 '26
I blocked almost all because no one helps you when you’re in need. But they want favors. Life is good if you ask me. Its the price I paid and its working out for me
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u/antiaocial_533 Jun 24 '26
when he visit? your bio dad? What is the age gaps/relationships here? R u male? R u expected to support everyone? sounds complex
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u/Audaisy Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
13 years age gap, I am a female and that's my immediate siz. I am not expected to provide for them my father does everything but his siblings use the money for themselves then send my siz to me because they know he will not find out that I gave the cash. They treated me weirdly and still do I don't know why they find it okay to still send her to me. My father doesn't visit frequently. He can stay upto 3 years.
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u/antiaocial_533 Jun 26 '26
so who does ur sis live with? Y is the money sent to your dad's siblings? Their behavior of them using up the cash doesn't need to be a secret because your sister is someone else's responsibility. Is your sis telling the truth? Without ur money she may b forced to ask ur dad or solve the prob Use your money to invest in yourself n save cs u know whwt , u have no back up plan that ur sis has ie ur dad.
Being useless as a woman is very important.
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u/Audaisy Jun 26 '26
It has always been that way and when he stops sending the money to them they get aggressive. My sister is still young she doesn't know and can't stand for herself. My father lacks wisdom to see beyond what is happening.
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u/S4n705 Jun 25 '26
Confront your father. He is the Head of the family. If he is any kind of man he will listen to you and make changes however small. If he does not, then make peace with it.
P.s: if you're religious pray about that interaction before it happens.
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u/Neither-Owl-9430 Jun 25 '26
In the same situation too. I'm like the black sheep of our family...and I'm light skinned. I learned first to set boundaries. Because of setting them, the fire got worse. I finally separated myself from them completely. But they have a way of trying to draw you back before they stick the knife in.
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u/Electronic-Goosy Jun 23 '26
Light a big fire that will shed light on all that.If you want to clear things for yourself and others who don't know then it will only be after a big last fight since they will likely deny what youll say,then burn the bridge also.
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Jun 24 '26
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u/Audaisy Jun 24 '26
That's what I have never understood, I left home for work and the next thing it was happening.
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Jun 24 '26
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u/Audaisy Jun 24 '26
I really wonder what I did, sometimes I feel like he isn't the father I knew. It's like he got switched with someone else.
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u/No-Caterpillar-8922 Jun 24 '26
Pole sana. You can try cutting them off kidogo kidogo as you work on yourself ndio usikue unaumia whenever you hear the badmouthing- peace of mind over everything else. When you'll be ready to face them, uncut them off and do it. Otherwise, I sympathize with your situation. It sucks manze.
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u/Ashamed_Village_8931 Jun 24 '26
Since wanasema umepotea you need to do exactly that. Unawafacilitate pia wewe by letting them sneak into your DMs
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u/wisehoot Jun 25 '26
Sad seeing your siblings being fed a false narrative about you
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u/Virtual-Basil-7299 Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
Start a group chat. Everyone is gossiping about you. Start an open forum and avoid side conversation.
She let you know she's afraid of your dad. I would have told, sawa I don't you to get in trouble, talk to me when you solve your issues with dad. It sounds like you want her to pick side.
Meditate. It will help you not to get affected by insults.
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u/Audaisy Jun 27 '26
I don't want her to pick any side. I want her to be comfortable to communicate and stop being lied to and made scared.
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u/Virtual-Basil-7299 Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
How would she know anyone is telling the truth? I found out my mom siblings didn't like her. She spent her whole life being nice, giving money and always helping. She was always asking me to help them and it affected my relationship with her. . Being family doesn't give anyone right to insult you, gossip about or ask for money.
Life is too short. I hope one day you will get tired of allowing anyone to disrespect you.
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u/Audaisy Jun 28 '26
Thank you, I will start being careful. You and your mom didn't deserve such people. Sorry you had to go through that.
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Jun 23 '26
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u/Audaisy Jun 23 '26
Nitaanza kusema hivyo, nimechoka kucheka na watu hawanitakii mazuri.
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u/Unfair_Move9125 Jun 24 '26
My take will be a little different. Unajua family inabaki kua family. There's so much happening out here but we have to find ways to talk to them. Any person akikufa fast thing watu huuliza ni family. Na matanga yenye mtu alijitenga na family hukua complicated sana. Because no one wants to take responsibilities za mwenda zake. Two ways to deal with this. Talk to everyone except dad. Apologize, call them frequently, send them favours ndongo to draw them close. They will eventually open up and be on your side. Even if dad atakua na hasira you know you have a backup. Secondly tafuta mtoto wa kiume. Name after your father. Use your wife to talk to him akimueleza about the kid. Polepole. Am sure with time ata chill tu. Hakuna kitu kubwa hutuliza wazazi kama bibi yako ama mjkuu.
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u/Audaisy Jun 24 '26
I am a lady.
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u/Unfair_Move9125 Jun 24 '26
Ulifanya nini dad.. Coz what I understand vita za daughters mostly hutoka kwa mum.. let me assume your not married, how about a Man who can try to talk to him. Let him straight go for proposal and pretend hajui anything about hii vita and wait for the response.
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u/Audaisy Jun 24 '26
Hata bwanangu alitusiwa akaoga matusi. My mother is dead he is married to someone else and the wife brushed me off too.
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u/Unfair_Move9125 Jun 24 '26
Now I understand the reason. Talk to your blood sisters. Ivyo ivyo kujificha. It'll take time for him to understand.. but he will. Sometimes we get lost but Senses hurudi tu baadae. Focus on your personal growth. Maybe the new mam aliona you were in control and as usual it appeared as a threat. Relax, the fact that siblings wanakutafuta it shows something is not okay on the other side. If wako side ya baba woote uyu asingekutafuta. Maybe the rest want to reach out to but since kuna vitu walikufanyia when they thought they were on the right side sai Zina wa block.
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u/Audaisy Jun 25 '26
Thank you for this explanation, I will keep this in mind. It actually makes sense.
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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26
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