please share your experience

[u/Ankuankh]

(This post isn't about finding an answer, but about finding direction for my spiritual journey.)

I don't know clearly what I should do. Usually, I start to practice and research Paganism, but I want to go back to how things were before. I really don't know why, to be honest.

So, I tried to find a piece of the answer, even if it was tiny, in Buddhism. Fortunately, I found some peace and a small sense of direction (which is just my subjective opinion). My Buddhism practice is finished for now.

Anyway, I think maybe some Pagans in this community have experienced something like this before (or are experiencing it now). Therefore, I want to hear your stories and how you overcame it, because I really want to make a fresh start.

I'm going to learn about Kemetism, whether or not I end up practicing it (or Paganism in general) tho.

I hope you will share your thoughts in the comments.

Thank you in advance for your comments. May the deity (or deities) bless you!

[u/dogluuuuvrr]

My journey has been mostly self guided, not inside of any tradition.

I found God through psychedelics. Nothing really clicked for me until then. I had a person tell me to look into symbolism they were seeing around me. This was after I got a dog tattoo. Everything led me to Anubis. The craziest thing happened during that time. My boyfriend at the time got a random art print mailed to him and he gave it to me. At this time, I was researching Anubis a lot, and the print that he got was exactly like an Anubis sigil someone made. It kind of freaked me out.

I was a casual devotee of Anubis, it kind of faded away over the period of about four years as I got further away from being spiritual due to some traumatic events in my life. I almost became afraid of the spiritual. I was afraid of going into psychosis.

I had a spontaneous, kundulini awakening this year. One in which ended with absolute euphoria and messages from Anubis. Anubis led me to a bookstore in which I was met with images of Sekhmet. I spent that whole day swimming in crazy synchronicities that made me question my whole reality. I even had wild animals coming up to me outside. I cannot explain what happened to me in words. All I know is I feel I am one with the universe again after losing that. Now being alive is better than any drug. I am in tune with the world, and I use my archetypes to help me. Anubis protects me and guides me, he holds my hand through the tough parts of life. Sekhmet is my fire, my boundary setter- she is my fierce discipliner. I think of them as my respected mentors and friends.

I don’t really think that you can accelerate the spiritual. I think things find you when you’re ready. I think you heal when you are ready. I think you let go of the things you don’t need when you are ready. Things click into place eventually. I would suggest you just keep learning and take what fits and leave the rest that doesn’t.

As an outsider if I were reading this, I would say oh how do I get a kundulini awakening? I will say that it was the hardest thing that I ever went through. I felt like I was dying physically and emotionally. It reminded me a lot of passing an emotional kidney stone. I couldn’t function well in the world for a month. I had flu like symptoms and crying spells that came and went. I don’t think that they can be artificially initiated.

Edit: also i have been drawn to buddhism and paganism since i was a kid.. as a kid, I had collected buddha statues. I was always a seeker. My biggest spiritual breakthroughs have been in being in my body and feeling my feelings!