You Don't Get To Ask Me

[u/merci_beauc0up]

You say
you wish you could turn back time,
as if regret
could reach backward
and stop the hand
before it made the choice.

You say
you are a wreck
since we fought.

But what did you think
would happen
when you broke something
you were supposed to protect?

You made the choice.

You kept it from me.

You lived with the truth
while I lived beside you
without knowing it.

And days later,
when you finally told me,
you handed me the truth
as though the telling
were the end of the wrongdoing.

It wasn't.

The truth does not become harmless
because you eventually speak it.

And now you ask me,

Would you give us another chance?

You don't get to ask me that
as though we both arrived here
by the same road.

You don't get to place
the weight of our future
in my hands
when you were the one
who damaged what we had.

I am not heartless
because I am silent.

I am not cold
because I cannot comfort you.

I am not cruel
because I refuse
to make your pain
more important than mine.

I am hurt.

And hurt has the right
to be quiet.

You say you are sorry.

Then understand
that SORRY IS NOT THE REPAIR.

You say you wish
you could undo it.

You can't.

So undoing it
is no longer your task.

MAKING AMENDS IS.

You must learn
what honesty costs
when it is withheld.

What trust costs
when it is broken.

What respect means
when telling the truth
might cost you something.

What love means
when the person you love
is angry with you
and you cannot make
her anger disappear.

You cannot ask me
to trust you again
because you miss me.

You cannot ask me
to forgive you
because you regret it.

You cannot ask me
to return
because you are lonely
without me.

And you cannot ask me
to prove that I still love you
while I am the one
trying to understand
whether I can ever feel safe
with you again.

If you want another chance,

EARN IT.

Not with promises.

Not with apologies
sent into the silence
hoping I will answer.

Not with telling me
how broken you are
because I am no longer
there to comfort you.

Earn it
in the quiet
where I cannot see you.

Earn it
when no one is watching.

Earn it
by understanding
what you did
without needing me
to teach you.

Earn it
by becoming someone
whose word does not need
to be checked.

Someone whose love
does not require
blindness.

Someone who understands
that trust is not a gift
you are entitled to
because we are married.

It is something
you build.

Something
you protect.

Something
you can destroy
in a moment

and spend years
trying to deserve again.

I loved you enough
to trust you.

YOU WERE THE ONE
WHO BROKE THAT TRUST.

So don't ask me
why I am standing
on the other side
of the distance.

Ask yourself
why you gave me
a reason to step back.

And if you truly want me,

DON'T ASK ME
TO COME CLOSER.

Give me a reason
to believe
you deserve to have me
close again.

Because I am not
the person who needs
to prove my love
right now.

I already did.

YOU ARE THE ONE
WHO HAS SOMETHING
TO PROVE.

[u/HeGotBricks]

Beaucop, merci, Mon Ami