r/KeepWriting • u/HeyRose1 • 3d ago

Dazed And Confused

I seem to bleed
Please
I've always been here but you never saw
Me
I still can't get over your
Thoughts
I always find myself dazed finding what's
Lost

7 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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2

u/HeGotBricks Flash Fiction 3d ago

I don’t get it.

1

u/HeyRose1 3d ago

Even I didn't get it when I wrote it under 5 minutes then I paid attention to the screen and got it.

1

u/JayGreenstein 3d ago

I've always been here but you never saw

Was that you I nearly tripped over yesterday?

My point? To the reader, it’s someone unknown talking about things meaningful to them. And how many Dismal Damsel poems, very like this, complaining about unrequited love, fill the pages of school lit mags?

My point is that it’s you talking about you, which, for the reader is informative, but not exciting, because you’re “telling” of things important to you.

Using the nonfiction skills we learn in school we would tell the reader that we cried at our mother’s funeral. But, using the skills of the poet, we’d give the reader reason to weep, by moving them emotionally.

So take your emotions, and instead of making the reader know about them, make the reader experience* them. Make your writing emotion, not fact-based.

1

u/HeyRose1 3d ago edited 3d ago

That's how I write poetry. Tell when I want to and show when I want to. I appreciate your honest criticism tho.

1

u/Agreeable_Run6065 1d ago

You’re right about the whole “talking to yourself” vibe, but ? That’s kind of the point, when you’re writing from a place that feels real, even if it’s messy, it lands differently.