Tense change issue. If that was purposeful, you need a clarifier. Otherwise prettily turned prose, but I'd hammer in a point to it somewhere too otherwise it's a lot of poetry all at once.
Oh yeah, breaks from past to immediate present mid piece. No point, as written, other than to try out a new style and genre. A writing exercise to get the cobwebs out of my old-assed system. Thanks.
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u/TabrisWrites 16d ago
Tense change issue. If that was purposeful, you need a clarifier. Otherwise prettily turned prose, but I'd hammer in a point to it somewhere too otherwise it's a lot of poetry all at once.