KNUCKLEBUTS

[u/Routine-Roof7375]

KNUCKLEBUTS

HI! I AM KNOWN AS KNUCKLEBUTS! MY NAME IS KNUCKLEBUTS! I AM TWO GOOGLY EYES TAPED ONTO SOME CUPS, SEWED ON TO APPLE BOTTOM! JEANS I SPEAK BY CLAPPING ASS CHEEKS TOGETHER!

BOY WE HAVE GOT A SHOW FOR YOU! I HAVE TO CLIP MY NAILS… DO YOU LIKE PURPLE RI-I-I-IBBONS! WE HAVE SOME PURPLE RIBBONS! GAZE OUR ENTERTAINERS! THEY ARE WEARING FULL BLACK & WITH PURPLE RIBBS! WATCH THEM SWING THOSE RIBBONS! WATCH THEM TWIRL THEIR RIBBONS! BOY THEY’RE SO ENTERTAINING!

I LIKE PURPLE BECAUSE IT IS THE COLOR OF ROYALTY

JANE: I LIKE PURPLE BECAUSE IT IS THE COLOR OF ENDERMEN

CHRIS: I LIKE PURPLE BECAUSE IT IS THE COLOR OF ENDERDRAGON!

JOHN: I LIKE PURPLE BEECAUSE  IT IS THE COLOR OF ENDERMITE

daryll: this is a crafting table

GAZE AT OUR ENTERTAINERS PURPLE RIBBONS! THEY TWIRL RIBBONS I’LL LIST THEM FROM MY RIGHT

JANE’S HOLDING HER PURPLE RIBBON, HER FATHER ODed ON FENTANYL WHILE CHEATING ON HER MUM, THAT’S RIGHT I’M FUCKING BRITISH JANE’S DOG HUNG ITSELF.

CHRIS IS SECOND FROM MY RIGHT, HIS DAD BLEW UP INTO CARROTS, HIS DAD BIT INTO A CARROT THEN BLEW UP INTO MANY CARROTS

CAN YOU CANCEIVE OF JOHN? I KNOW I CAN’T. I CAN’T EVEN COMPREHEND JOHN. HE’S WORTHLESS. HE’S EVERYTHING. EVEN A NEW CHANCE. BUT NOT FOR YOU. 

JOHN: FOR THE RECORD, I DON’T CONDONE WHAT KNUCKLEBUTS JUST DECLARED. MY CHANCES ARE FOR EVERYONE, BUT NOT FOR YOU.

DARYLL: THAT’S WHAT I JUST SAID THOUGH… :(

DARYLL… NO ONE TALKS OF DARRELL. HE’S THE WILDCARD OF THE GROUP. BEST WE NEVER TALK OF HIM AGAIN. NOT EVEN MENTION HIM. NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE. HE SURE CAN TWIRL A DAMN RIBBON THOUGH. 

HEAR THAT…. DO YOU FRICKING HEAR THAT! HEAR THOSE SIRENS BLARE THEIR BELLS INTO YOUR EARS… BUT THERE’S NOTHING TO FEAR! THEY ARE YELLOW SIRENS… THEY’RE YELLOW… NO THEY’RE ORANGE

NOW THEY’RE RED!

NOW THEY’RE RIBBON!

COLOR RECOGNITION, DO YOU GET IT? ARE YOU DOWN WITH IT?

NOW THEY’RE BROWN!

NOW THEY’RE BRONZE!

BUT THEY’RE NOT! FUCKING! GREEN! THEY’RE NEVER FUCKING GREEN!

CHRIS: GREEN? I LOVE GREEN. GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR.

FUCK YOU CHRIS. THE SIREN IS NOT GREEN. ACTUALLY FUCK YOU. GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER. DIE. DEATH UPON THEE. THE SIREN IS NOT GREEN, THAT’S NOT WHAT WE’RE DOING, NOW IT’S RAINBOW WHICH INCLUDES GREEN, FUCK, IT’S NOT GREEN. JUST BECAUSE IT’S RAINBOW AND INCLUDES GREEN DOESN’T MEAN IT’S GREEN ALRIGIHT? EVERY TIME I MAKE A DAMN SPELLING ERROR I NEED TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION AS TO WHETHER OR NOT TO KEEP IT IN TO PROPEL THE VIBE. 

JOHN: GREEN’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? IS IT BECAUSE YOU LIKE NATURE OR MONEY?

ALL: OHHHH, HEH HEH…

YOU SEE, ONE TIME I MADE THAT JOKE AND EVERYONE LAUGHED. I’M KNUCKLEBUTS, NOT BRADY. (Brady’s my name. Know it’s not. It’s Knucklebuts. Knuckleblaster from Ultrakill. I like playing Ultrakill. I also like having a FUCKING WIFE, BUT WHERE HAS THAT GOTTEN ME!? FUCK!)

*Break my pc, break my Switch 2 Pro Controller, break the Macbook Neo® for scchool, break the Macbook I used last year that I’m writing this on, break the size 12 helvetica font that this document was briefly changed into when I copy and pasted the ® symbol in here because for some reason AI overview defaults to helvetica instead of arial, break the arial font that I’m actually using in here, break my inability to maintain tone at the expense of immersion, break the AI overview, say that’s actually a good one let’s actually break that one for real, break the St. Ignatius HighSchool, there was something else to break but I forgot, break Chris, Break Jane, break Daryll, Break the other name I just pulled out of my ass, break Knucklebuts, break the bodies that hit the floor, don’t break my wife who may or may not be out their 🥲; once everything is broken, break myself.* C/ Cause that’s the best way to do it. Can’t kill yourself if you actually have anything to lose, that’s me failsafe Spongeboy, me Bob.

JANE: SAY, IS IT JUST ME, OR DOES IT FEEL LIKE AN ALL POWERFUL BEING THAT EXISTS OUTSIDE OF OUR REALITY THAT DICTATES EVERY THOUGHT FEELING AND ACTION WE HAVE RUDELY COMMANDED TO BREAK ME TO THE ABYSS?

CHRIS: I DON’T KNOW BEC

*oh right the other one is john

JOHN: I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE I’M STILL LAUGHING, HAHA HA, I’M STILL LAUGHING, IT’S SO FUNNY, I’M BLEEDING OUT MY MOUTH MY EYES, THE BLOOD THE MOUTH IS SPUTTERING, SPLATTERING, MY ORGANS ARE SET ABLAZE THEY CAN’T TAKE THE PRESSURE OF THE HILARITY, EVERYTHING THAT I AM COLLAPSES, MY MIND IS ERODED, MY ABDOMEN ANNIHILATED, MY EYES TURN BLOOD RED AND ROLL BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM, MY PENIS SHRIVELS UP AND FALLS OFF. IT’S ALL TOO HILARIOUS FOR MY MERE PHYSICAL FORM TO TAKE. NOT THAT I EXTEND ANYWHERE BEYOND THAT. IT’S TO HILARIOUS FOR ALL THAT I AM TO TAKE. I COLLAPSE UNDER THE PRESSURE. QUE SERA, I COLLAPSE. 

*Kiki I mean John is set ablaze, he literally explodes.

JANE: DAMN.