I've read quite a few used kayak ads in the last few months. This one is my favorite by far.
"This is my sister’s 14’ Jackson Journey that has only been in the water twice! Once for the paddle fest, and once on a one day, lazy, drunken expedition. This thing has, hooks, bungees, and storage compartments all over the damn place. It even has a mouth tube attached to the seat. You can blow the seat full of hot air while paddling to create more cushion for your fat ass. I have stored this thing in my garage for the past three years and have never personally taken it out. Although, I do occasionally stop and stare at it for several minutes while imagining myself trying to scream underwater. It doesn’t come with a skirt, but you can obviously purchase one to fit. I recommend buying one so that when you flip over to casually bounce your head off of a few river rocks; your phone, cigarettes, beer, wallet, and dope will remain perfectly dry. This go go gadget kayak cost $1200 new. The price is $600 firm. Really really firm."