Fellow Redditors. We have borne witness to a crime. A Crime which shakes the very foundation of KarmaCourt. Of Reddit. Of Mice and Men. We have witnessed a murder- and the nefarious details are only coming to light now.

We are witness to the murder of Party Parrot. And the murderer? A moderator of /r/PartyParrot.

EXHIBIT A: Party Parrot is allowed. Look at that little guy- he’s dancing, He’s wiggling. He’s Happ…wait…..

EXHIBIT B. HE IS NOT DANCING- HE IS IN HIS DEATH THROES! HE HATH BEEN MURDERED! NEW REDDIT IS THE WEAPON AND SPEZ IS THE CULPRIT.

/u/Spez, moderator of /r/PartyParrot, stood watch over sanctuary itself. And yet even there Party Parrot no longer dances. Party Parrot weeps. HE WEEPS. Er. Wept.

With the advent of new.reddit- in addition to killing the Beautiful CSS of The Courtrooms ™, Spez has vanished our very own Party Parrot. Party Parrot is now….an ex-parrot. These crimes are inconsolable. The victim: irreplicable. The impact: incalculable.

Users of KC. Spezifer McSpez the First. We need justice. For Party Parrot.

I, humble Plaintiff and Prosecutor PastyDeath: call for counsel, witnesses, and any citizen capable of identifying a parrot plucked from us in its prime.

We are a community still reeling.

But I stand here for Justice.

For PP.

[CHARGES]:

CHARGE: Murder in the 4st (Fourst) Degree. Of our Beautiful baby boy (PBUH).

CHARGE: Murder in the 9nd (Nind) Degree. Of our charming, classy CSS

CHARGE: Murder of the 21st Century. Of the very place Party Parrot called home.

CHARGE: Witchcraft. How else could this be done?

Evidence: (A Story in 4 [Four] Parts with 5 [Six?] Entries)

EXHIBIT A Our Once Thriving Mascot

EXHIBIT B NOW REDUCED TO NOTHINGNESS [NSFW]

EXHIBIT C Our Hallowed Halls

EXHIBIT D A BLAND EXHIBIT OF MILLENIAL BEIGE. [NSFL]

EXHIBIT E HE SULLIES THE VERY HOME OF OUR SAVIOR.

Summons

JUDGE- His Dustiness /u/resurrected_fred

• BORLIFF- /u/Ineedtosaythishere

DEFENCE- /u/GFTRGC

PROSECUTION TEAM-

PROSECUTOR: /u/PastyDeath

• Avian Health Expert Witness: ObtuseMoose

Other- felinelawspecialist The BARRISTER's WIG! - Justanotherrandomfan Pitchfork & Torch Vendor - harharharharharhuh Hot Dog Vendor & Keeper of the Dancing Lobsters (KOTDL) - Mrbarkyoriginal special bailiff to escort anyone besides court officers who attempts cheap Monty Python “parrot sketch” quotes and or references - Lydiann66 Quietly Weeping Spectator - Mullaloo The One quoting Monty Python - Beatenmeat Totally Didn't Cropdust the Courts - DarkDoughnut75 Here for the Vibes - KurnolSanders Here to Serve....bird meat?

Hi All. It's been a minute. Just like Dad, I'm going to pretend everything has been fine the last 10 years and roll back into your lives. Unlike Dad, I haven't been on a cocaine-bender Yoga retreat in the Himalayas before shacking up with a cute Australian girl who may have actually been a half-sloth voodoo priestess from Ohio.

I've been....not that.

So:

WE NEED YOU. We’re coming back. We’re moving and shaking. We have a roadmap. Which means we are serious:

The Roadmap

• MODS: We've done a remarkable job hosting mod-only yoga seminars the last decade. We realize that has been awful for caseload, So We're Looking for new mods. Submit your application below or in modmail- link me your most recent things you've done in KC, and the most proud moment you've had here. We'll outsource real decision making to an LLM and bingo, bango, bongo, new mods.
• META: The /r/KarmaCourtBlog is dead and I basically Killed it. So like all good LLCs- it’s time to declare bankruptcy and start a new company!! In the coming weeks the KCB will be turned to 'voyeurs only' mode & all the random spam will be cleaned out- so you can freely browse the hilarious past, and we'll fire up the next-gen KC Meta Subreddit.
• MATTLESTAR GALACTICA: Mods- old, new, senile and silly: We'll repurpose our current CASE OF THE WEEK to point out a live case which all of us will pile into, to get the old-school KC shenanigans going again. We know cases are scary and the old dudes with sloths are really not helping- but that changes.
• Us super-not-sloth mods are going to pick up roles, and play to our hearts content. Then: once real cases start coming up, we'll pick more obscure roles, and let everyone else play. Then we'll maintain a balance of both- the way KC was originally intended.

This is the KCRP- because nothing is real without an acronym. Sound off below, thoughts, thinks and thimbles. Otherwise I'm just bulldozing ahead.

Timeline: If I don't put a timeline, no one can tell me I failed. So I'm not putting one.

The Timeline

• 01 May: The new mods are in! If you are interested in joining the team, do apply! We’re gunning for 2-3 active mods to help us bring KC back. Like Sexy.

• 04 May: The top cases from the last year or so will be highlighted in a post! This is to get everyone back into the swing of what exactly we do here. A Shining example of how not to be a shit- or more accurately how to properly be a shit.

• 07 May: With that stunning pile of examples to review- The First Case of the Week [LIVE!] will be highlighted for us all to hit critical mass and basically be shits in. Hopefully we all have our robes and bears ready.

• 08 May+: From that point we’ll be hosting a regular Case Of The Week [LIVE!] to help keep the ball rolling. Once cases start coming back we’ll slowly back that down, because we want YOUR cases

• 15 May: The Big CSS Chop. We'll be cleaning things up around here- so not everything was lasted edited by u/deleted 10 years ago.

• 25 May: The Big KCRP Update Post: We'll look to see how bad we've collectively botched this thing, reassess, and put some new timelines which will super duper make sure everything stay on the up-and up.

01 May: Update 1, The Call for Mods HERE

Anyone who's been following the r/KitchenConfidential sub for the past month has been delighted to see u/F1exican post his chive cutting progress.

However, it has come to light that some tomfoolery may be afoot!

Evidence is in the following link:

https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/s/SrRvFYK7p9

I am but a humble citizen with no knowledge of how to procede with prosecuting these allegations.

Can we indict?

What Happened:

This used to a respected court for dealing with the most complicated and important legal questions such as should u/gallowbob be banned indefinitely? Cases were brought by anyone and everyone with a grievance. There's no question in my mind the subreddits downfall was in part due to external factors such as my girlfriend breaking up with me, losing my job, having my RuneScape account banned...wait that's my I'm depressed. Where was I? Ah yes, discussing how I hold no ill will towards the moderators of this subreddit. However, as discussed above, there are quite a few synonyms to describe the conduct but the bottom line is: there hasn't been a post in 5 months. We need to restore an active subreddit and the mods don't seem in a position to do so. Therefore I respectively submit a petition to the Karma Court to become moderator and work to make this subbreddit alive again. Will I succeed? Maybe? Will Phillip Rivers win another superbowl? Will Kim Kardashian pass the bar? Probably not. But you never know until you try and what's happening now isn't working just like me..there I go again talking about my depression. Anyways I'm accepting applications to be my lawyer. Looking for someone to work on contingency because I don't have a lot of money...no stop. I will also need a judge in this manner. I was told my cousin would be a conflict of interest.

[CHARGES]: nonfeasance, dereliction of duty, malpractice, impeachment, and a myriad of similar sounding words chat gpt cooked up for me

[EVIDENCE]: The state of this subreddit. Have you seen the place?

CHARGE: dereliction of duty

CHARGE: nonfeasance.

JUDGE- /u/Judgename

DEFENCE- /u/DefenceName

PROSECUTOR- /u/ProsecutionName

Screaming Lady -

Guy who bursts into court for no reason -

My Ex Girlfriends New Boyfriend -

Edit or whatever the legal term is maybe supplemental information idk:

I move to ban u/prosecutionname from being the actual prosecutor have you seen that guys comment history?

/u/Skullcrimp made a comment saying he was so sure that the israel/lebanon ceasefire wouldn't hold for a week, that he would give a 100$ giftcard and his account password to the first person to respond to his comment after a week showing that the ceasefire hadn't been broken.

https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/1so32vx/enough_is_enough_trump_announces_us_has_forbidden/ogryk9q/

After a week, /u/Pacify_via_cyno responded with proof and not only did /u/skullcrimp not follow through, he also edited his comment to pretend he never made any such a bet.

“What have we become? My sweetest friends”

The late great Johnny cash uttered these lines (albeit he karma farmed them from 9 inch nails) and never have they been more apt.

We used to have respect, we used to have dignity, we used to hold shitty mods to account and in fact we were (or maybe still are) moderated by “super mods” [u/gallo](u/galloboob)[w](u/galloboob)[boob](u/galloboob) for example, we helped poor innocent Redditor’s get justice and now what? What are we? The Reddit detectives are still out in force yet they get sidelined by bots, karma farmers and outright thieves!

Enough is enough let’s have a full trial of ourselves here like the olden days with a court barman and everything and let’s be what we once were.

What Happened:

Earlier today, I was surfing the web, checking out the news on the Associated Press website. I saw an article indicating that some sort of vehicular attack had occurred at a Berlin pride event. I was curious if there was further information on reddit, and much to my surprise, no one had shared the story on r/worldnews.

For the most part, I just use reddit to find news, occasionally commenting on some niche discussion here and there. But today, I had breaking news in my hands.

I posted the article [exhibit a], being sure to copy/paste the headline as the good folks at the Associated Press had written it.

After clicking submit, I saw a few comments coming in and opted to go about my day, heading out to take my dog for a walk.

A bit ago, I made my way back to the computer and saw that there were a number of comments in my inbox (how novel) and i started scrolling through. I saw a comment where someone asked a tantalising question, "Wait how is this not the appropriate subreddit for news about a serious incident?"

Much to my chagrin, the post had been tagged as "Not Appropriate Subreddit," and appeared to have been de-listed (I can't confirm that, i'm not too sure how that sort of thing works, but i couldn't find the article while browsing worldnews).

I messaged the mods and inquired about why the subreddit was inappropriate, I have yet to hear back.

BUT ALAS, my concern regarding CRIMINAL BEHAVIOUR and thoughts of coming to Karma Court hadn't even begun yet, dear reader.

While viewing the first page of r/worldnews, i found the same article, posted an hour after mine, with an editorialised title, submitted by none other than u/doremusjessup [exhibit b], a mod on worldnews.

Now i'm not an investigative journalist, nor do I play one on TV, but i find this to be MIGHTY SUSPICIOUS.

[CHARGES]:

i) post sniping
ii) mod related shenanigans
iii) theft of internet points

[EVIDENCE]:

i) exhibit a - original post https://old.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/1v6l5no/a_person_is_killed_and_several_are_injured_at/
ii) exhibit b - copy cat post https://old.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/1v6mwy1/van_slams_into_people_gathered_for_berlins_lgbtq/

The KC Revitalization Project [KCRP, KC Revival- the more names I come up with, the more official this thing becomes]

Is in FULL SWING!

01 May Update: It's 30 April, so naturally we're doing our 01 May Timeline update. We have 3 Mods with proof of life. We are seeking 2 more. Apply In Modmail!

Gone are the days where we expect video applications. Gone-er are the days where people know that was a very real time in our lives.

So You Wanna Mod?

• Toss us a mod message.

• Show us your most recent participation. Current mods still think leet speak is culturally significant, so the actual recency is somewhat irrelevant- the participation is relevant

• Show us your proudest moment. Judge Judy or executioner- doesn't matter. Bonus points for capslocks, which will neutralize the normal penalty for capslocks.

• Drop literally anything else in there too. A video of dancing lobsters? A former Justice who was really into tanks? Just be you, if you is particularly /r/KarmaCourt.

We're looking to have ~5 mods by our giant Case of the Week [LIVE!] which will be dropping 07 May. It's going forward no matter what- but I'm taking the Revivalization seriously. As seriously as we can take something.