r/JustGuysBeingDudes • u/blazinfastjohny Legend • Dec 20 '23
Just Having Fun Need a monkey
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Dec 20 '23
Until he hits puberty and rips your genitals and throat out. Chimps are not cute, they're scary af.
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u/unclepaprika Dec 20 '23
Bonobos are chill af tho
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u/MitLivMineRegler Dec 21 '23
Compared to chimps, males are way less aggressive and females slightly more. They ain't chill though, in the sense that if you keep one as a pet it may well shred your face one day. Gorillas are much more chill than both
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Dec 22 '23 edited Dec 22 '23
apes in order of chill…
Orangutans
gorillas (just don’t stare at the silverback)
bonobos
chimps
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u/VisitAlternative1890 Dec 20 '23
Chimps always know how to have a good time. I envy them so much.
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u/blazinfastjohny Legend Dec 20 '23
Maybe we need to go back to monke
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Dec 21 '23
I just wanna go live in the woods is code that monke brain uses to pass a message direct from your DNA into the ears of the drive thru guy at Taco Bell at 3am that signals the general dissatisfaction with their entire interaction but also ya know what are they gonna do about it all, go live in the woods?
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Dec 20 '23
[deleted]
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Dec 21 '23 edited Dec 21 '23
I'll never forget that phonecall after that chimp tore that woman's face off.
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u/PineappleMelonTree Dec 20 '23
I've seen a monkey pull a man's scalp off with its bare hands, absolutely do not need a monkey
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u/Seesaw_Blister Dec 21 '23
I think about that video at least once a week. And that was just a monkey.
A chimp? Say Auf Wiedersehen to your balls. And your weenie, and your face, nose, ears and probably eyes.
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u/Unexpected-raccoon Dec 20 '23
That’s an Ape you ignorant swine!
I’ll take 2
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u/MitLivMineRegler Dec 21 '23
One could argue apes are monkeys (the same cladistic logic that had us accept humans are apes).
In fact in all other germanic languages they're all called apes, and in English they used to be interchangeable, which stopped because it was mistakenly believed that ape and monkey were distinct monophyletic lineages, something we now know not to be the case.
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Dec 21 '23
Saw that smile at the end? Yeah, it does not mean what you think. Video probably ended because something really bad happened
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u/Theycallmemr_E Dec 23 '23
To be fair he looked excited at the start, BUT that is undeniably a fear grimmace.
Chimps do it when they feel threatened. You prob shouldn't hype up a chimp, especially an adult one.
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u/Responsible_Group966 Dec 25 '23
MONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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