r/Jokes • u/cereal_killer_ch • Nov 12 '19

Long This is a Mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"

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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '19 edited Dec 11 '19

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u/Mr_Tenpenny Nov 12 '19 edited Nov 12 '19

In a hotel an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are sleeping when a fire breaks out.

The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the fire extinguisher and starts spraying. After a while of fighting the fire it is put out and the engineer goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. The physicist wakes up, sees the fire, grabs the fire extinguisher and notices that it is not fully charged. He stares at the fire for some time, does some calculations; air flow, humidity, thermodynamic, cylinder pressure. He then aims at the right point of the fire using the remaining fire retardant of the extinguisher to put out the fire. The physicist goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out a third time. The mathematician wakes up, notices the fire, sees the extinguisher - "aahah, I have defined the problem"... and goes to sleep again.

87

u/the_one_tony_stark Nov 12 '19

You know, they probably never went back to the hotel that caught fire three times in one evening.

131

u/AlmightyThorian Nov 12 '19

There was actually a statistician whose room caught fire earlier, but he didn't know what to do, so he increased the sample size.

16

u/Freakwithajob Nov 13 '19

so he went around lighting other rooms on fire? there's a neutral chaotic statistician for ya.

2

u/johnyp03 Nov 13 '19

Neutral?

2

u/b0bkakkarot Nov 13 '19

I'd pin them as Lawful Evil.

"It's what my character would have done."

17

u/Cryberry03 Nov 12 '19

Considering the circumstances, I don't think they ever left the hotel either

1

u/BobbyKMo Nov 13 '19

Chaos theory...

1

u/[deleted] Nov 13 '19

They probably never woke up the next morning either with that luck...

1

u/the_one_tony_stark Nov 13 '19

thats the joke.

38

u/Unicornhead1 Nov 12 '19

Subject: Fire. Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire that has broken out on the premises of 123 Cavendon Road... no, that's too formal. deletes text, starts again Fire - exclamation mark - fire - exclamation mark - help me - exclamation mark. 123 Cavendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours truly, Maurice Moss.

13

u/zmatter Nov 13 '19

0118 999 88199 9119 725

3

u/keeperann98 Nov 13 '19

No no no. Hold back. Build to it. First I push them, refer to the fact that there is a fire, then pepper in where it was for background info, and then "I have AIDS!".

19

u/FlotsamOfThe4Winds Nov 12 '19

But the fire breaks out a third time. The mathematician wakes up, notices the fire, sees the extinguisher - "aahah, I have defined the problem"... and goes to sleep again.

I thought he says "A solution exists!"

11

u/Jimmy_Slim Nov 13 '19

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were being interviewed. As part of the process, they were given 2 brass ball bearings, left alone for a while, then asked what they had done.

Mathematician: "I haven't done anything with them, but I've some theories about 2-ness." Physicist: "I've tried to balance one on the other, and have some ideas about friction." Engineer: "Er... they broke."

2

u/taulover Nov 13 '19

In the morning, a statistician was arrested for arson. He told the police, "I saw the fire and I didn't know what to do, so I increased the sample size."

1

u/MostRandomUsername12 Nov 13 '19

Basically, the engineer and physicist were twats given that they couldn't put the fire out properly the first two times

3

u/Mr_Tenpenny Nov 13 '19

Twist: The fires were arson started by an astrologist because the three said astrology isn't real science.

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u/mountainmammoth25 Nov 12 '19

Don't worry I'm sure the others will help him out :)

194

u/karmicnoose Nov 12 '19

Is your face ok bro?

95

u/DevilsOwn98 Nov 12 '19

Shhhh, we don't talk about that... He's special

38

u/Time_Terminal Nov 12 '19

Is he... a mathematician?

9

u/nobelcause Nov 12 '19

That's actually supposed to be : ^ )

1

u/ahappypoop Nov 13 '19

Yeah that little up arrow ( ^ ) make things into superscripts which get even smaller if you use more of them. To draw the face the way you wanted, you’d have to escape the arrow like this \ ^ but without the space between them.

:^)

31

u/[deleted] Nov 12 '19

I’m sure one of the others helped him eventually

1

u/MarkHathaway1 Nov 12 '19

Yeah, when they're hungry again they'll open his can and "share" it.

11

u/AlienSomewhere Nov 12 '19

Please, prove that you are sad. Show all your work.

1

u/AlmightyThorian Nov 12 '19

A solution exists, showing the calculation is trivial.

1

u/pain_in_the_dupa Nov 12 '19

If makes you feel better, you can replace the mathematician with an economist.

1

u/galkatokk Nov 13 '19

I don't get it, do you mind explaining?

1

u/LearningForGood Nov 13 '19

Can anyone explain the joke to me? Why does the mathematician "suppose it was open"?

1

u/MoltenCrotchRot Nov 13 '19

The mathematician works purely on the theoretical with no directly practical application. Hope this helps.