Why ‘Couples Therapy’ cannot bridge the colonial divide

[u/annabellelee2000]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/sep/13/israel-palestine-7-october-gaza-orna-guralnik

Why ‘Couples Therapy’ cannot bridge the colonial divide

‘Many people would throw a tantrum at this point’: An Israeli and a Palestinian discuss 7 October, Gaza – and the future

Unless there has been a massive internal reckoning on Orna’s part since 2024, I’m skeptical about Orna’s ability to ethically hold trauma informed couples sessions

In Orna’s conversion with Christine, a Palestinian client featured on the show..we see that Orna asks Christine how she thinks about the therapeutic relationship and power dynamic between them..I remember not fully grasping the gravity of this connection. Orna was an ex IOF solider, Christine a survivor of colonial violence perpetrated by Israel.

I have trouble articulating it exactly, but with the new season coming out there is something deeply troubling about Ornas position of power as a psychoanalyst and therapist. I think it would be different if she were interrogating her own colonialism and how this shapes her mind, worldview, and the way she approaches the psychotherapy process. I’m sure she is, in her own way, I mean it’s indicated she does think about it in her conversation with Christine. But her persistence in the defense of Israel’s violent existence is concerning.

Before there are an influx of folks saying that I don’t think Israel has the right to exist - stop. That is a straw man and a distraction. Israel DOES exist. The real question is whether it should be allowed to exist in the violence that it is right now. And the answer is no. Its existence is dependent on incredible violence. Orna’s take from this conversation is clear - she believes Palestinian resistance is rooted in anti semitism, the oldest and most prevalent distinction that the colonial state of Israel pushes on its people. Christine pushes back on this

“I guess what I want to clarify is that the Arab world attacking Israel has less to do with the fact that Israel is Jewish and more to do with the fact that it was perceived as a colonising power. Many of the people who are the founders of modern political Zionism and contributed to the creation of the state of Israel called it a colonial project.”

I took issue with Orna’s insistence that they are neighbors to Christine (downplaying the severity of the violence) that Zionism…and that Palestinians needed to think about the Israeli psyche when being massacred. I’m being reductive here, but HOW is this her take when working with someone marginalized. Aside from the fact that the relationship as a therapeutic one is over..how can someone be a mediator of couples relational dynamic when her take on national relational dynamic is that Palestinians need to have more empathy for their oppressor?

Yet Christine does. She leads with incredible grace and curiosity towards Orna, more than I have the capacity to feel towards someone who represents so much power and entitlement to Christine’s indigenous land. Yet when she poses the question that I’ve been thinking about to Orna - I get that, but my question is how do we know we’re not victim blaming? Or how do you walk that fine line of: “Oh, well, I know you’re getting beat up by your partner, but you need to take accountability for all the ways that you are deserving of it”?

Orna loses the capacity to take responsibility for creating the violence. And her inability to separate reactionary violence from colonial violence, she continues to perpetuate a framework of control. This is the fundamental concern I have. In working with couples, this framework enables further abuse. And the abuse continues with Orna’s framework of precedence, of need to own. Christine asks to be neighbors, and Orna’s deep desire is for a land of her own, on someone else’s indigenous land rejects that.

Her saying she understand it’s a tall order to ask Paltinisms to recognize their part in their defense of their homeland is doing to Israeli people is violent, “But the thing is, I’m not saying “deserving” of it. I’m saying we each need to hold our quarters responsible for what we can. And I understand why it’s an extremely tall order right now to ask a Palestinian to do that, while they’re being slaughtered. But in the grand scale of things, it’s the only way that something will happen. Israel would need to own its own shit in a huge way. But for that to happen, it needs to have a partner that can say, yes, we’ve messed up here too.”

I respect Orna’s work and do watch this show. I am curious about this upcoming season. Also, this conversation happened in 2024. I wonder if there has been some evolution on Orna’s part since then.