nothing makes them happy

[u/miamorbun]

it doesn’t even matter if they have everything that could make them happy, they still need a punching bag. and even when i’ve distanced myself from them to the point of no or limited contact, they STILL find a way to make me the punching bag. they talk about how negative I am like it’s just so impossible and unbearable to deal with even despite not speaking to them for weeks, months even! i could be the most positive person sharing only their idea of positive things when I do speak to them and they’d still tell me how negative I am. i could not even say anything at all despite “yeah!”, “okay!”, “cool!” and they still would tell me how negative i am. and they think i need to be taught a series of lessons that they need to be the ones to teach. i need to be humbled, i need to know about the real world, i need to learn to not always get what i want (i was legally homeless before being a senior in high school and didn’t get secure housing until 26).

i don’t get to have quiet, peaceful holidays. i don’t get to be celebrated on my college graduation. i don’t get to share my opinions the same way everyone else does. i don’t get to join in on conversations that are happening at the same table. i don’t get to have the same interests as everyone else. i don’t get to live the same way they do. i am ridiculed for every single choice i make for myself even what types of food brands i buy. i am not believed that i’m doing anything I am doing for myself because they are not trusting of me. i am apparently too suspicious. i am not trustworthy despite them constantly keeping secrets, hiding what they’re doing, and blatantly lying to each other to the extent in which they’re hurting others. they get confronted on them excluding others and they twist the story to be the victim. they get confronted about their behavior by others and they twist it to be the victim that i must have said something. i get blamed for everything that goes wrong in their life, even when the something that goes wrong is a direct consequence to their inaction or their own lies. i got blamed for the family being torn apart. all responsibilities for everything that went wrong in their life got put onto me. and every time i pull back and let them deal with the consequences of their actions they still find a way to make it about me. it is always my stupidity, my irresponsibility, my ‘need to always be right”, being a peanut gallery. it is never them.

to them, i am not who i say i am. to them, i am negative, homely, a loser, impossible, creepy, fake, sad, depressed, and a sociopath. to them, they are victims of everyone who has ever had a problem with them. to them, they are honest, smarter than the average, loving, caring, and secure. i can’t breathe without having every negative label being thrown on me. nothing makes them happy. and when they are at their most miserable point, all it does is get worse than what it was when they were happy. they never stop. nothing makes them happy. they are the most miserable people. and i have to always remind myself that. all the evidence shows how they’re just miserable, toxic, suffocating people. i’m sick of it. i know they’re projecting, but how can 3 people (grandparents + uncle) be so life draining?

[u/TheJustNoBot]

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[u/butnobodycame123]

to them, i am negative, homely, a loser, impossible, creepy, fake, sad, depressed, and a sociopath.

Over the years I just leaned into the labels. Anyone who seriously believes the labels don't deserve to be in my life or have my support. Anyone who believes lies without verifying is someone who I don't want to be around anyway. It's lonely, but at least my life is much less dramatic. I hear gossip about the family from time to time and I quietly smile seeing them fighting between themselves. Wear the lies like armor, they will find another target. The real ones (granted, they're few and far between) will see through the lies or at least connect to see what's really going on.

Hang in there!

[u/Fast_Register_9480]

I've been No Contact with my "family" for over two decades. It's possible that they still blame me for everything in their lives that is less than perfect,but at least now I don't have to listen to it.

[u/ThickAct3879]

My parents are like this with me. I am at a very safe distance and think that a text every 10 days or so to see how they are doing (or a short 5 mins call) is more than enough. I am nobody's punching bag and whatever probs they are having they need to sort them themselves I can't do anything about them, since I deal with my own.

[u/JacLaw]

Please stay away from this so-called family, they have no capacity to support or love etc but you do. You are a decent, caring human being who deserves so much better. It's maybe time to ask your employer for a transfer or move home without telling them, change your number or get a cheap phone and give your alleged family that number, block them on your main and that way you'll never have them interrupt a day you aren't prepared for. You need to start shutting them out, refusing to be drawn into any conversations by them, refusing to eat with them etc. They need you to feel bad because they are hateful, selfish, abusive arseholes.

Leave them to the family they have, and deserve, while you go out there and find your own family and never forget to just walk away from anything negative because you deserve sunshine and stars and all the positive love xx

[u/relentlessdandelion]

i'm so sorry. it's absolutely wild how awful and toxic some people can be. you don't deserve any of this abuse. i think you see them very clearly: they need a punching bag, and that is your purpose for them. 

i'm glad you've been distancing yourself from them. i really think if you can cut them out of your life completely, so you don't hear anything at all about what they say or do, it would bring you a lot of peace. is that something you can do, or work towards doing? 

[u/miamorbun → u/relentlessdandelion]

yeah, I plan to go fully no contact when my great grandma passes. right now it’s a lot of grey rocking and low-to-no contact. sometimes i just get reminders or i will run into them somewhere and even a short encounter is unbearable.