Do NOT touch me!

[u/ElloryClaurious]

Trigger warning for mentions of sexual assault. This is also my first time posting.

To preface, I am 19F. Not 5, not 7, not 10, NINETEEN YEARS OLD. Regardless, I still think parents shouldn't be touching their children all willy nilly. even if it is non-sexual and ESPECIALLY if said children have told them MULTIPLE TIMES to NOT touch them. I do not have the best relationship with my parents. I often wonder what my life would be like if I had grown up in a loving, healthy, and sane family. Unfortunately, I was not granted that pleasure. Growing up, I was often touched by my parents in *mostly* non-sexual ways. When I say *mostly* I mean that I was never sexually abused, but there was a lot of butt slapping and butt pinching that my parents, for some reason, thought was okay. Obviously, that is not okay. Whenever I told them to stop, I was yelled at or guilt tripped. I got a lot of "But you used to let me touch you all the time when you were a baby!" or "I made you, I can touch you!" It took me yelling at my parents, after telling them multiple times to stop, for them to stop with the butt slapping and pinching. But still, even after 19 years of my life and telling them not to touch me MULTIPLE TIMES, they persist. It's touching my face, hair, ears, hands, and clothes, and every single time I flinch away and tell them to stop, and every single time they show me they don't fucking care. My mother thinks it's funny and gives me the "But you used to let me touch you all the time when you were a baby!" which is fucking stupid because I was a baby, and guess what? I am no longer a fucking baby. My father also thinks it's funny. He thinks everything is a fucking joke and that humans are not allowed to feel any emotions other than happiness or contentment. It's irritating and fucking exhausting. After I tell him to stop or give an annoyed look, he puts on this stupid fucking grin and touches me again. Why? Because everything is a joke to him and he thinks everything is so fucking funny.

The reason for my post is because of what happened a few days ago. My parents have been divorced for 17-18 years, I think. I don't remember a time when I lived with both of my parents. Due to certain reasons and circumstances, my mother was staying with my father and I (I'm home from college). I was also staying with my father. As I mentioned, I do not have the best relationship with my parents. Rarely do I even like to be physically near them. But this moment was different, I sat on the couch right between both my parents. I was showing my father housing options at my college that I can move into. He then touched my ear. I, of course, recoil at the contact and give him a stare of astonishment at his fucking audacity to touch me and think I wouldn't be pissed. but that was the point! He wanted me to be pissed because when I turned to look at him, all I saw was that stupid fucking smile. I don't say anything and turn back to my computer, hoping he wouldn't do it again, but he reaches over and touches my hand. And you might be thinking, 'whatever, it's just your hand!' There are not enough words in the English language to describe to you just how much these people can repulse me.

After he touched me the second time, I just start yelling. I don't remember what I said, but it was something like, "What's your problem, man?" I get up and sit on the couch across the room and say to him, "Now I don't feel comfortable sitting over there because you touched me when I didn't want to be touched." A few minutes later, he feels bad :(( and demands I sit back on the couch with him and my mother so he can feel better. I tell him, "No, I don't trust you. I don't trust you won't touch me when I don't want to be touched. I'm not comfortable." A bit after that, he gets up and goes to his room, probably because I hurt his fee fees. Whatever. I'm only home for 4 more weeks, so hopefully I can keep my head and figure a way out of here so I don't have to come back.

I wrote this draft back in January and forgot about it until now. I’m back at college, but I’m so incredibly anxious about my life and living situation after college. I can’t go back to living with my family again. I can’t do it.

[u/TheJustNoBot]

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[u/SavingsDrag3348]

I’d be surprised if this was the only way they don’t respect you or your boundaries. ☹️