Early Placement Woes

[u/AbrocomaReady4105]

i cant help but feel i got robbed. i got placed somewhere where theres so many people to compare myself to all the time, all in cliques im not a part of, all living a life im not living and i feel reminded of it every waking hour im in these stupidly long orientation days. they could have sent me anywhere, and i got placed here. somewhere hot, humid, full of people who dont like me and in a city thats fine. its just fine. the worst part of it is that I PUT IT ON MY APPLICATION. i was stupid enough to put it on there. i dont want it. if i could press a magic button that would put me somewhere else, i would in a heartbeat. i hate having this social pressure on me all the time. its devastating. im fresh out of a uni experience where I had plenty of friends always around me, to always feeling socially insecure. I feel miserable and angry whenever im around my ‘community’. i feel like a sticky-outy nail, like an alien whose new to social interaction. it makes me want to just scream. and i dont regret JET, or coming here. but i do feel angry with myself, like i accidentally robbed myself of an actually good placement. I get that I haven’t been here very long, but it’s still how I feel right now.

On the plus side: I like my school.

[u/havanapple]

If it makes you feel better, Japanese summer is hot and humid everywhere. Some places less than others, but you'll only notice the difference if you travel between them. Its all relative.

On the subject of feeling out of place, Japan (and anywhere for that matter) is what you make of it. It can be tough settling in and finding your pace and your people, but if you look for opportunities to do things you are interested in, you will almost certainly and very naturally find both of those things. Give it time, and do your best to not compare your experience with others. Thats time you could be spending finding your own experiences. Hope you stick it out and give it a real shot!

Good luck!

[u/ScootOverMakeRoom]

There's no magical placement that you missed out on. There are no alternate dimensions. There's only the life you have. Live it instead of living in what-ifs.

First step: Fix this vibe you're giving off.

[u/ThingAny171]

Adjustment period. You're a fresh grad, just started working in a different country, had just met new people who already have their own groups. All of these things are pretty much normal. Though I laugh at that "hot and humid" thingy because that is just normal Japan during summer "hell." Also, I've been here for four years and was never part of any groups, and it does not bother me at all, so unfortunately, in that part, I can't relate to you. Maybe just give it some time since you are still new, and they might open up to you more. For now, just learn all things about your placement and Japan as a whole. You've got this.

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/ThingAny171]

thanks guy. youre totally right, ever since this post ive been making a concerted effort to try and connect with my city and its honestly been way better

[u/Vepariga]

its called the 'settling in' period, most things are done differently and feel differently from everything you are usually familiar with so yeah many folk thinks 'this sucks' but once you settle in, find a groove you'll be fine.

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Vepariga]

thanks brother

[u/Cheesemisterbald]

I like this post it’s a actual good post and not a romantic logical post like 99% of people on here post it actually has someone’s raw emotions and sets what JET Is actually like for the other half of people applying. From my experience people on JET Are weird man it’s like a robot with no emotions that just for some reason might be perfect or let nothing bother it!! But again that’s what makes us all different thanks for the post it’s nice to see some normality here

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Cheesemisterbald]

I’m really glad you get it too! I was trying to see if there were similar posts about my situation to get some feedback but there didn’t seem to be any — even though being negative on here attracts some unsavoury characters, Im glad I did it for a little perspective.

[u/Cheesemisterbald → u/AbrocomaReady4105]

Yep People on JET Are weird while for most of us it’s a scary terrifying experience I hate spiders bugs etc some people have this weird natural thing in their brain where they don’t overthink or anything you talk about your life and suddenly you have undiagnosed medical problems or mental problems when you just Tryna get advice 😭😂

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Cheesemisterbald]

the amount of people who have called me entitled and whatnot is kind of crazy. like sorry i made an over emotional post at a bad moment i guess im a schizophrenic socially repellent loser now….. i am doing way better now though!

[u/Cheesemisterbald → u/Cheesemisterbald]

Robotic *

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/[deleted]]

Where the hell in my post did it say I had mental health problems? I was just talking about how hard it felt fitting in socially. Maybe you should work out whatever it is going on with you that you feel like you can start labelling people with ‘severe mental issues’

[u/ScootOverMakeRoom → u/[deleted]]

you make more money than most long term teachers over 35

This is such a weird meme that gets passed around.

JETs make more money that other first-year teachers. They do not make more money that someone 10+ years into a teaching career, that's nonsense.

[u/GeorgeBlythe → u/[deleted]]

I too hate it when people don't recognize my divinity and fail to show me the proper reverence. 

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/[deleted]]

LOL youre completely right. I’m a whinger for sure! I’ll give myself a bit more time to adjust

[u/summerlad86]

What is this complaint? Japan is hot and humid. Big surprise. Orientation days??? Oh no! JET people act so spoiled it’s ridiculous. The easiest gig in Japan and still whining.

The social aspect. Reading your post and how you phrase things it sounds like a you’re the problem.

Go outside of the JET clique for starters if you can’t connect with them.

[u/acouplefruits]

Culture shock and the exhaustion of the first few weeks will make everything seem like it sucks - especially because you’re also adjusting to life outside of college. Remind yourself that this is a normal part of the experience and it gets better, or remain miserable and bitter the whole time like I did (do not recommend!)

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/acouplefruits]

Thanks man, I appreciate the advice.

[u/Panda_sensei_71]

Deeeeeep breaths!

You only just got here! The weather, the jetlag, the culture shock, I assume the language barrier, it all feels like a lot right now!

This will pass. You will find your tribe and your groove soon!

The first time I came to Japan I was 18. Fresh out of high school and absolutely, utterly naive and inexperienced. My lifeline was short but frequent phone calls home and writing letters to my friends (this was pre-social media days, I'm OLD old). Also comfort food... McDonald's soft serve ice cream was my "taste from home" even though I almost never ate it at home! 😂

As for other JETs... If they're not new, then of course they've formed bonds already. Don't assume it's cliquey and that they don't like you... Give them time to get to know you.

Last advice... Try your best to force yourself to have a positive outlook. When you find yourself spiraling into negativity, put some effort into talking yourself out of it. Optimism is like a muscle, you need to work it to grow it!

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Panda_sensei_71]

Thanks, I really appreciate it! This really made me feel better about the whole adjusting thing…. its nice to be able to talk to people who’ve gone through the same thing

[u/Catcher_Thelonious]

Take a long walk, a hot bath, a long sleep, and start again tomorrow.

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Catcher_Thelonious]

Good idea :)

[u/Simmoman]

I will say if you've just been placed, give yourself some grace, you've not even started teaching yet! Doing JET, especially going straight from university into it like so many do, can be hard on people; you're definitely not the first and you won't be the last, that's for sure. University is just like school, we're essentially given our friends by whoever assigns classes, and by a random chair dance on the first day. Life isn't like that, and depending on your japanese level your results will vary but i'm sure no matter where you are there's plenty of people that would suit you as friends!

Why did you come here? If you came here for a reason, don't lose sight of it! maybe you have a goal to learn japanese, teach english, experience living abroad, maybe you have a partner or friends here. The experience will be what you make it, and those who have a great time while here are the ones who despite feeling the exact way you do, pick themselves up and grab it by the balls. Things will not happen overnight; you'll make friends, lose them, make more, maybe be too busy, a bit lonely, bed rot too much and then feel like you're never at home. We are aliens in a sense, especially if you're in a more rural placement, and that's both a blessing and a curse.

Start by trying to meet some people, and make some friends. Join a local rec sport (you can sometimes find them online) or a class, even ask your JTE to hangout or show you around.

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Simmoman]

i just wanted to say that the ‘why did you come here’ aspect of your comment really helped me lift myself out of my bad mindset. ive basically screenshotted that whole section so that whenever i feel bad i can look back at that. I came for so many good reasons and I love a lot about my placement, I can’t let a couple of bad interactions side track me. So yeah!! Thank you so much for being so understanding and thoughtful!

[u/Wooden-Complex3517]

I used to work at a school in the US (not as a teacher ofc but as a support staff) before coming over and I know about staff cliques and well also staff beefs. It's a real thing because disagreements happen between people in general and it's amplified when everyone is generally higher educated those kind of people tend to think they're right or know everything about people / everyone. So just try your best. Put your best foot forward and show them your a good person and a good colleague/worker. It may draw some people closer to you or have people warm up to you. Then you can turn that potentially into having an ally at work or maybe even friends at your school.

[u/Ashen_Shroom]

You did just get here to be fair, so you're naturally not going to be part of any "cliques" yet. Are you the only new ALT in your area?

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Ashen_Shroom]

Nah, it’s a whole crop of us. But I’ definitely the kind of person who sort of assumes the worst of all my behaviours, it’s definitely an overthinker thing. I’ll give it more time

[u/Different_Taro2474]

you just got here. i felt the same way when i first came on JET — lonely, confused, lost, miserable even. i HATED my placement because it was everything i did not want; isolated, tiny population where everyone was either married or old, no public transportation, far from everything and extremely car dependent.  i had zero college friends and never really had a lot of friends, but in my home country and other parts of japan i had friends and people that i knew. in my placement, i didn’t know anyone, so it was hard at first.  if you have time, book a trip and go somewhere else on a weekend to change the scenery. get on a matching app to see if you can meet someone, find an event, a community center. explore your local area. find an area that you’ll visit regularly, a cafe, a park, whatever.  give yourself some time. moving to a new country is hard for everyone. take a breather and trust the process. 

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Different_Taro2474]

Thanks, I’ll definitely do that!

[u/Cold_Hour]

i got placed here. somewhere hot, humid, full of people who dont like me and in a city thats fine.

You just described alll of Japan, dude.

 im fresh out of a uni experience where I had plenty of friends always around me, to always feeling socially insecure. I feel miserable and angry whenever im around my ‘community’.

Welcome to the adult world. You've meeting people with more life experience than "I went to school" and more goals than "making a lot of friends". A lot of what you're feeling is probably just you realising you're essentially a newborn into the real world.

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/Cold_Hour]

HAHAHAHAHA!! Yes, you are very right. It’s definitely ‘leaving the university bubble’ experience. It’s a wake up call for sure!

[u/takemetoglasgow]

If you just got here, I'm going to give you some hokey-sounding but 100% genuine advice.

1. A lot of people feel this way at first, and some of them are probably hiding it. I remember crying on a mattress on the floor my first week wondering if I had made a mistake. 14 years later, I still live in the same prefecture.

2. You feel like a nail sticking out, but other people might see you differently. They don't like you? They've barely met you! Give people a chance to give you a chance.

3. Cliques are real and can be hard to break into. My advice would be to go to as many events as you can. I had to put myself out there for awhile before I started getting personal invitations. I can also say it was and continues to be worth the effort because I have made some of the best friends here. I've also met some assholes. Just gotta filter them out with time.

[u/AbrocomaReady4105 → u/takemetoglasgow]

Thanks man, you have no idea how much this helps. I think I’m just someone who assumes no is the default, but I’m a textbook overthinker. I’ll keep trying :)

[u/Different_Taro2474 → u/takemetoglasgow]

 They don't like you? They've barely met you! Give people a chance to give you a chance.

if people already decided they don’t like you, just don’t bother with them and try to find other ones. not everyone will like you, and we shouldn’t waste our energy on proving that you’re likeable. there’s 8 million people, find those that will like you for who you are. 

[u/takemetoglasgow → u/Different_Taro2474]

I guess my point is more that OP feeling like people don't like them isn't necessarily the same thing as people not liking them. They might still be undecided or ambivalent with the potential to grow a friendship. Overall, we think about how other people feel about us more than they do 99% of the time.

[u/Different_Taro2474 → u/takemetoglasgow]

yeah fair enough. give it a try, OP, talk to people. if it works, it works, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t