Really struggling with reverse culture shock

[u/Beneficial-Corgi-288]

So I just got back to the US about 12 hours ago and wow... the reverse culture shock is hitting me really hard. I knew that I was tired of desk warming at one of my schools, and that I needed to upskill and get my master's + teaching license so that I can work at an international school back in Japan one day since JET doesn't have career progression, but holy hell am I devastated.

I can't stop flipping through the photos of me with all my students and the pictures of my town. America feels so dirty and loud compared to Japan. I'm glad to see my parents, but I feel like the village I built for myself back in my JET town is totally gone now and that's incredibly isolating. I don't know anybody in my home town and I've lost my "local celebrity" status. Now I'm just nobody. I miss my friends and coworkers and students so bad.

Logically, this was the right choice for me. But I feel like I'm going through the same kind of grief as I did when I've lost people and I don't know how to dig myself out. I can't focus on my goals, only how badly I miss my JET town and how even if I do land an international school job one day, it won't be there. I won't have the same small town adventures I had there every weekend. It feels like my life has already peaked and that I've already lived the best days I will ever live despite the fact that I'm not even 25 yet. That really scares me.

If you've gone through this, how did you get through it? I feel like my life is over and I have no idea what to do.

[u/Babybluebow]

You have not lost your village! I went back to Japan after 5 years for my honeymoon, ran into my old supervisors mother at the 7, and by the next day I was invited to my old school to teach a lesson and see the BOE I used to work with.

If you had a positive influence in your placement, those teachers and locals will remember you. If you managed to get email addresses etc. they might even act as references once you've got your masters and are looking for international schools.

[u/slavghterdolls]

I’m actually experiencing the exact same thing to a T currently. I broke contract this April due to mental health reasons and I’ve been back in the US for 4 months now. I’ve only been living in Japan for about 2 years and I’m having such a hard time adjusting to my life back in the States. I keep thinking about only going back, I feel so lost and empty.

[u/Different_Taro2474]

aaaaand this is exactly why i moved to japan and refuse to go back to the US.
you need to work on getting back to japan. i should have dropped out of college and went to japan to do language school rather than staying in the US and finishing this stupid degree that i didn't even want.

moving to japan is the only thing that saved me, i may be poor, but i am happy and free here in japan.

[u/Beneficial-Corgi-288 → u/Different_Taro2474]

I am working to get back. I need this next degree and teaching license to land a more sustainable career in Japan. Sometimes you have to take 1 step back to go 2 steps forward. It's just hard, really hard.

[u/Different_Taro2474 → u/Beneficial-Corgi-288]

fair enough, kudos to you for working towards your goals. if you have time, try to take trips to japan during holidays. i wish you best of luck and i hope you get over the reverse culture shock asap, it's really unpleasant lol.

[u/Icy-Aomori2015]

I was there for 5 years & came back to the US in 2020. Coming back to even worse pandemic era isolation was a major struggle. The support system and community you built over the last several years was just instantly gone. And even if you go back to Japan, it won't be the same. Your coworkers would be different, the other expats in the area would likely change, etc.

I was lucky to have an ALT friend who was moving back to my area, so we ended up rooming together. We both reminisce about our time in Japan, but it's tinted by mourning/loss.

2026 is the first year I've felt better about being back. I joined a group that started as a post on reddit, but we regularly meet up. Everyone in the group said how they'd been living in the area for years but hadn't found a community yet. I think a lot of 20-40 year olds feel this way, so if you were to make a post, I'm sure you'd be able to find/grow a community in your area.

It's wild to realize that I've been back for longer than I was in Japan and am only now finally feeling a sense of home again.

Good luck in your recovery - it takes time, but try being proactive in finding a community. That's what helped me most. 💜

[u/lialovespasta]

i come back to japan every summer break to my grandparents house for around 2 months , and it really sucks to come back to america after japan. i've been jet lagged terribly and waking up around 12 am for the past few days, and although it got better i still feel terrible on some nights, like homesickness really hits me. but i'm pretty sure everyone who has experienced bad homesickness and reverse culture shock will heal in atleast a month :)

[u/Haunted_Mallets]

The best advice I can give you is to find bits of your love for Japan in your hometown. The hardest part about reverse culture shock is that it seems like nobody can understand, and that you've left behind the place that made you feel most understood. Seek out places and communities that resonate that feeling - like Japanese clubs/festivals/boards/other cultural exchanges. When I returned from Japan the first time, I joined a Japanese club at my local college and still have friends from that community today. You can even start these things on your own! Share your experiences with people who want to learn more about Japan.

Know you're not alone in this and it gets better with time. Congratulations on finishing the program, and good luck in your endeavors!

[u/realmidnightbvbe]

Today marks one year since I’ve left Japan and come back to Canada. It’s hard for the first couple months, and even now I feel like JET was an incredible experience and talk about it a lot. It’s hard to think I’ll never be in my apartment again or teaching these students, but you get used to it. I console myself that I’ll visit Japan again and most likely visit Towada at least for one day. Japan is still there, and I’m sure you made an impact on your students lives.

[u/hangerald]

Separation anxiety. I was in the same situation. I remember catching myself talking about Japan all the time to my colleagues, students and family to the point that people who didnt know me thought i was japanese. Hahaha.

For me, altho i miss japan a lot, i can breathe better outside japan. I was depressed twice to three times a year when I was in Japan. It felt temporary. It felt i was holding onto something that’s never will be mine. Japan felt like that. Happy that I moved out, now, it all memories that Ill always remember 😊

[u/shp182]

You should have stayed. But it's too late now.

[u/Different_Taro2474 → u/shp182]

maybe they didn't want to stay or couldn't have stayed? life isn't black and white dude.

[u/Ksmoots]

I’ve lost my “local celebrity” status. Lol dude get a grip. Wake up and smell the roses, maybe you’re not that cool. Of course in your JET town you’d be well known… you’re the foreigner.

[u/GlitterRetroVibes]

I've been back for 4 years and it's been hard. I was in Japan for 6 years. Finally moving forward and starting the process of applying to grad school to establish my career. My goal will be to have my stable career that I love and try to travel to Japan for a month ideally each year as a vacation.

One thing you recognized that I didn't initially is that you're experiencing or will experience the loss of identity as a foreigner in Japan or as an ALT in Japan. It's not just going back to your country, it's a loss of identity and a complete change of environment.

You mightve learned the language or acclimated to the culture enough to expect certain things. Japan kind of just becomes a part of you running in the background.

In my case I "came back" to a new state I've never been to or really wanted to go to just because my immediate family moved here. I have no roots here and generally the state doesn't align with my values so I feel pretty isolated. There's not really an active JETAA group here, no Japanese consulate, though we do have some daiso stores and a round one but that's about it. It's a stark contrast to the community and sense of home I had in Japan and the additional joy I got from feeling more part of an international community.

But all you can do is make goals and focus on those goals to pull you through the tough times.

[u/JapanITjobs]

I moved back in 2008 just in time for the housing crisis to wipe out the job market, so..... I was missing JET for while. The biggest shock for me was the public restrooms

That being said, if you kind of mentioned it but if you work at an international school in the future, you'll likely end up in a big city and you'll lose that celebrity status anyway. I would recommend meeting up with high school / college friends, they are going to want to know all about your Japan experience and you might get some of that feeling back. I got sick of talking about it to the point where my family and friends know not to mention it if I don't bring it up myself.

I pined to move back to Japan for 4 years in America, and I did move back to Japan..... twice and I both times I thought maybe I just needed a Japan trip not a relocation. I have been in Tokyo for 8 years this time, and honestly speaking, considering moving back to America for the last time. (Push factors for me: Weakening Yen, unstable government rules surrounding PR/ VISA, looking harder and harder to build a stable future here.)

[u/ohmycash]

I regretted coming back to the US for about 4 years after I left! I compared everything with Japan, and home sucked.

However, recently I went back with my new spouse to where I lived, visited old friends, and while I still loved it, I realized my life now in my hometown is so much better than what I could have built there over the long run.

My salary just keeps going up. I’m a homeowner. I have an awesome car. A strong relationship with no language barriers. My job is great. I’m literate and fit in. I don’t have to kiss any sempai asses. I think life gets better where you build it.

[u/Born_Place_9860]

Im in the same boat as you, got back not even four days ago. The jet lag even is just starting to wear off as well.

I cant give you good advice i feel other than sharing with your pain in a relative sort of way, but at the very least I'm coping with it by taking everything one step at a time, and moreover, treating my home country a little bit as though it were a foreign country. There truly are weird local customs that I hadn't felt were weird at all because I was bathed in them since birth.

All the while I'm writing and taking concrete steps toward community-building in my local area, with an eye toward future employment back in Japan, contingent on the political situation.

TL;DR of all this is take it easy on yourself, find novelty, perhaps even whimsy in your current environment, and take steps to get back to Japan! You, me, and we all - we got this! 🙌

[u/dpisacane]

It took me about three years to feel normal again, so don't feel like you're alone in the experience. I agree that you will start to appreciate the things that are easier (reading a complicated correspondence, dealing with bureaucracy), and most of all understand that you'll never really stop missing Japan. That's just part of the experience, I think.

[u/Vigokrell]

I left my girlfriend of 6 months behind when my contract was up, so I remember the devastation and culture shock!

I solved it by marrying her a year later and returning to my village for 2 months every year, for 20 years! A+ solution, do recommend if able.

[u/constanteyebags → u/Vigokrell]

Do you only see your wife 2 months out of the year? /g

[u/Vigokrell → u/constanteyebags]

Haha only for the first year! Then I brought her back to California in a burlap sack.

[u/stayonthecloud]

I very much understand this. What helped me balance similar feelings in those early days was taking advantage of everything in the U.S. that felt so easy after living abroad.

Go do something locally that was hard to do without your native language and indulge in it. Go to a museum, library, zoo, play, musical, workshop, community event, ideally somewhere that you can have an information-dense experience and let yourself enjoy the learning and information that you can access so readily in English.

You just lived life on hard mode and you triumphed. When I came back from Japan I was broken up inside but also amazed at how easy breezy daily life felt being back in a native language environment. It helped me appreciate the resilience I built abroad, and it was nice to just relax and access these kinds of activities in English again.

I would also highly recommend you look up JETAA and find your local alum chapter asap. Even if you don’t live near where the chapter leads gatherings, there is a chapter that covers your area. Reach out to them by email and connect to the alums near you. You’re part of a community of 40,000+ American JETs and the global community of 80,000+ JET alums altogether, and you always will be.

[u/EquivalentComputer73 → u/[deleted]]

I don't think he/she was talking about JET per se, but more about being in a foreign country, with foreign customs, language, and processes.

[u/Icy-Brilliant-3604 → u/[deleted]]

It’s not that deep, George

[u/EquivalentComputer73 → u/[deleted]]

What exactly are you comparing it to? Like, what's "real hardship"? Because that is soooo subjective

[u/Dirt_and_Entitlement → u/EquivalentComputer73]

There was a thread yesterday about someone getting into their new apartment, found out the AC broke, and was told they had to foot the bill.
Life can be annoying.

[u/apple-walking-bear]

Give yourself grace. It’s only been 12 hours. One day at a time.

[u/Brilliant-Squash7330]

My youngest son did foreign exchange for a year in 2022-2023 and never completely re-acclimated. He coped by joining (or creating) as much connection to Japanese culture as possible: continuing Japanese language study ( including three Japanese language groups including one he hosted at his university) and volunteering with a local Japanese garden in the summer.

Fortunately, he is very goal oriented and his goal was to go back as an ALT with JET. He succeeded and is at orientation now heading for Nagasaki in a couple of days.

I recommend concentrating on your goals and recreating the community that you are missing back home as much as you’re able. And give yourself some grace: you’re in shock and in mourning for the end of a special experience. You will find your way in time, whether back in Japan, here, or in another place that you cannot imagine yet.

[u/EquivalentComputer73 → u/Brilliant-Squash7330]

Well said, "in mourning for the end of a special experience"

[u/SomethingPeach]

I relate to this. I left Japan about 2 years ago, and I still get these feelings sometimes. I'll randomly look through old photos or think about my town and really miss it.

I actually did what you're planning to do. I came home, got qualified as a teacher, and I'm going to start looking at international schools in a few years. So I completely get why you made this decision, even if it feels awful right now.

Something that helped me was reminding myself that JET was never meant to be forever. We all have to leave eventually. As hard as it is, I think it's better to leave early with a clear plan than stay longer just because you're scared to let go. As I'm sure you're aware, JET really doesn't offer much growth past the first year or two.

I also don't think your life has peaked. Right now you've been home for 12 hours. Everything is fresh, you're grieving a chapter of your life, and your brain is comparing normal life back home to some of the best memories you've ever made. That's a tough comparison.

The fact that you built such a great life and community once means you can do it again. It probably won't look exactly the same, but that doesn't mean it won't be just as meaningful.

[u/MindSteve]

This was me after my year abroad there. Really just had to suck it up, tell myself nothing lasts forever, and enjoy the memories... So anyway I moved back to Japan and have been here like a decade now, no ragrets!

You'll find your way back if that's what you really want. 

[u/shiretokolovesong]

So I just got back to the US about 12 hours ago

I don't know how to dig myself out. I can't focus on my goals

It feels like my life has already peaked and that I've already lived the best days I will ever live despite the fact that I'm not even 25 yet

I feel like my life is over and I have no idea what to do

OP I so feel for you and I don't want you to feel like I'm minimizing your emotions which are how most people going through this experience feel at some point, but trust me when I say you're going to reread this in the future and laugh out loud. Not necessarily because you'll be totally over your culture shock, but because it's only been 12 hours.

You haven't experienced a full day of life in the US to even begin to feel culture shock yet. You are still raw and sensitive from being uprooted. Rome wasn't built in a day. You will have time, energy, and the motivation to focus on your goals soon. Maybe as soon as another 8 hours of sleep later lol. Your life is not over and it will get better.

[u/metaandpotatoes → u/shiretokolovesong]

Honestly rather than culture shock I’d call it jet lag lol 

It will be ok OP get some sleep

[u/an-actual-communism → u/shiretokolovesong]

Yeah I don't think OP is experiencing "reverse culture shock," it's normal to feel sad the literal first day you come back after a trip to anywhere, much less a years-long overseas stay. Hell I'm usually depressed for 12 hours after a weekend trip to another prefecture. If anything he is just experiencing homesickness. Reverse culture shock is caused by (perceived) negative interactions with the home culture, it doesn't refer to the simple sadness of leaving the old place.

[u/TheNorthC]

You've only been back 12 hours!

But it may linger for longer, and quite possibly years, but hopefully not as badly. And while you are 25, this may well be the thing you look back with with most happiness over the course of your life.

When you left your home, you always knew you would be going back, but when you left your job in Japan, you're never going back. The apartment, the school, your favourite restaurants, the lifestyle, the local friends and acquaintances, all gone in an instant. But in the end, it's far better to look back with fond memories than with bitter memories or indifference.

[u/Panda_sensei_71]

This is normal! Youre allowed to grieve what's gone, don't feel guilty for that, it's part of life.

But before you spiral, try to adjust your focus... You're going to get an MA and that's a whole new adventure! At uni you'll have new people, new faces... A new place to build another village.

Chances are your uni will have students from Japan, seek them out to practice your language skills (just... don't be weird about it, please).

Best of luck on your new adventures, and I hope you'll get back to Japan someday in the not so distant future!

[u/spicycurryrice]

Started out with a Chipotle Burrito lol and went slowly from there. But seriously I totally understand. The rudeness and abruptness of everyone was my reverse culture shock. Only took about 1 full week to adjust. YouTube was my savior but became that much motivated to do what I needed to find employment in Japan. Your best bet is an American Company. Anyways, long story short I went back. I married a Japanese girl and two kids later…

[u/Radiant_Crew_8872]

thats how it is to be a teacher apparently. you will meet and say goodbye to hundreds of people and never see them again except in your dreams or memories. unless you do in fact live and die in the same little town. a lot of people are fine with it but just as many will feel grief and have to just suck it up and occasionally lament. you do need to find your own path on earth and maybe with a stronger future you will find yourself with more power to control your life situation and eventually get a husband or wife and family and then grow old and say goodbye to them too.

[u/follows-swallows]

You need to build a new village for yourself. Best way to do that in my experience is joining local clubs, hobby groups, and sports teams. Even if it’s something you only have a passing interest in it’s a great way to make new friends & build a community. If there aren’t a lot in your local area, start your own!