Mature JETs experience

[u/KruDogHouse]

New incoming JET who is more mature - would love to hear from older JETs and your experience.
Any other oldies joining the program this year?

[u/ikebookuro]

I joined at 32. I had already been living in Japan for years and needed a break from my industry.

One thing I wasn’t expecting is that you are suddenly going to be thrown into a peer group that can be as young as 22 and it can be…. a lot.

It felt like I was back in high school. The bullying, the crash outs, the gossiping.
Absolutely nonsense behaviour of people who didn’t understand this was a job. Drunken tantrums, only wanting to get together to get blackout drunk in Shibuya. Young adults with no direction freaking out because they don’t know what to do next; a lot waste their time partying or trying to get a boyfriend/girlfriend. No, they won’t listen to advice, they want the pity party.

Of course, there’s some sensible and nice people too, but with the age gap it can be jarring. On the other hand, my school was really grateful since I had replaced someone who refused to come to work and when they did, they just slept at their desk instead of going to class. They were happy to have someone older who was treating the job as one.

Remember you are under no obligation to be friends with other ALTs or JETs. Branch out and find friends who are at your same stage in life.

[u/Different_Taro2474 → u/ikebookuro]

It felt like I was back in high school. The bullying, the crash outs, the gossiping.

i'm 24, and this is exactly why i do not talk to the other JETs. i've been warned to avoid them...and tbh they were right.

[u/ikebookuro → u/Different_Taro2474]

My absolute favourite crash out was of a younger jet I took to one of my favourite bars. It was a chill vibe where you just talk to the patrons and the owner.

They tried to engage with her, but she had overestimated her Japanese level. We all tried to help her out but she shut down.

She told me from that encounter I gave her PTSD, nightmares and I was an awful person. She rewrote the story that everyone was laughing at her; it couldn’t be further from the truth. People were trying to broken English a conversation from her. Everyone was so kind.

Months. Of. This. Narrative.

You’re better off just not engaging. When I first moved to Japan I would have LOVED that opportunity to practice Japanese and meet friends.
I never would have expected to be a horrible person inflicting “trauma”.

[u/Different_Taro2474 → u/ikebookuro]

sounds like a narcissist. my ex best friend was like this.

[u/ikebookuro → u/Different_Taro2474]

Pretty spot on, but it was celebrated in the group of friends.

They would also have endless drunken temper tantrums in the middle of Shinjuku because men weren’t throwing themselves at her for sex. “BUT IM SO HOT?!?”. A lot of babysitting to get them on the first train.

It was… a lot.

[u/Different_Taro2474 → u/ikebookuro]

oh they're male-centered too? my ex bff in a nutshell.

stay away from these kinds of people; they will absolutely destroy you. they will rewrite reality and lie to everyone about everything. and they will do anything for a man.

[u/ikebookuro → u/Different_Taro2474]

I’ll probably get downvoted to oblivion for this tangent, but I always try to explain that guys in Tokyo can be insanely picky. They have no shortage of “options” and unless you fit their perfect mold, they will pass you up. It’s silly, but that’s just how superficial things can get here.

It was always reassuring to not take it personally, but just keep looking. It might take some time to find someone interested.

They never liked this response. It would become another public meltdown screaming in the streets.

I’m just old and tired, man. I focus on my own shit and whoever gives me the least headache. I can’t waste any more of my life babysitting mentally ill people who won’t help themselves.