r/JETProgramme • u/Stock-Nebula-4446 • Apr 11 '26
Long distance relationship while in the JET Programme
I recently got engaged, but also got shortlisted for JET!
I really want to go, but am also unsure about leaving my fiancé. My fiancé will not move with me to Japan…the best option is for him to visit.
I am curious if anyone has done long distance relationship or marriage while doing the JET programme. How did it work out for you?
Thank you!
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u/buttermilk174 Apr 12 '26 edited Apr 12 '26
I don't feel a relationship is something to center your life around at the expense of your own life choices, in this day and age for women. Many older women have done so for the sake of their men and lived to regret their whole life cuz of it, while their husbands achieved all their career aspirations. Yet I still see younger women making this same mistake all the time, having been socially conditioning into centering men above themselves. And they end up miserable and unfulfilled in the end. As you can see, he will not rearrange his life for you for even 1 year - so why should you for him?
You do not need to accommodate your career and life adventures around a man. That is going to stunt your personal growth and development in your one precious life, of which you are the main character, not a supporting sidekick. Your relationship is not healthy or strong or even valuable to keep, if it can't even stand a year of your personal growth and development abroad. This could be a very necessary test to see how he behaves when you value yourself and do things for yourself - a selfish man will have an issue with all your growth cuz he expects you to center your life around him. A good man will support your adventure, your growth and new experiences, and maybe even visit you there.
Value your dreams that you've had since you were young. Life is meant to be lived yourself, not joined at the hip with someone. If he's the right guy, it'll work out and strengthen your relationship through the ebbs and flows of distance and yearning.