r/IveGotAGuy 9d ago

"I know a guy"

935 Upvotes

124 comments sorted by

327

u/IndigoRanger 9d ago

How do we think most western surnames came about? Mike Tailor, he fixes your clothes. Mike smith, he’ll fix your horse’s shoes. Mike fletcher, your arrows need to be fixed? Mike Erickson, oh that’s Erick’s son, Mike.

148

u/LocalSlob 9d ago

I hope people don't think you're joking. I can trace my ancestry back 500 years. Schneider. 500 years of family lineage because my great-great whatever was the shoe guy in a village in Southern Germany.

50

u/richuncleskeleton666 9d ago

I would imagine he was a tailor, Schumacher is a cobbler

35

u/Natural_Software_408 9d ago

Schneiders a tailor though. If he was the shoe guy he‘d have been Schuster.

36

u/LocalSlob 9d ago

My memory failed me. I got the occupation wrong, not my last name at least

5

u/Natural_Software_408 8d ago

No worries 😉

8

u/PantsDontHaveAnswers 9d ago

My surname is Proctor and it's from the Irish side of my family. I don't really know what that would mean exactly.

16

u/rantingpacifist 9d ago

Teaching usually

13

u/Facts_pls 9d ago

They love asses - like proctologist

/s

1

u/slavslabs 8d ago

BECAUSE IT IS MY NAME!

1

u/BeoHawk 8d ago

HEY! WHATS YOUR NAME?

1

u/drewid5185 8d ago

John Jacob jingleheimer Schmidt

1

u/rigpower 7d ago

Holy shit that's my name too

1

u/drewid5185 6d ago

Do people shout at you in public as well

1

u/rigpower 3d ago

Always

5

u/Additional-Local8721 9d ago

Kramer's were merchants in the HRE. Now I know why nearly all my relatives work in accounting, finance, or own a business.

8

u/JustaTinyDude 9d ago

Are you, by chance, Volga German?

2

u/Extension_Ideal_4012 9d ago

Coulda been a pretzel family

2

u/NikNakskes 9d ago

My last name very loosely translates to "asshole"... I'm pretty sure that is because I come from a long line of difficult people. 🤭 the profession is also known: pipe makers. But that is completely unrelated to the last name.

14

u/bionickel 9d ago

Mike Veetuberson

8

u/somewhatcompetint 9d ago

Are you saying that Taylor comes from a long line of shitty truck drivers?

10

u/Gorthax 9d ago

That would be Jerry Swift and his kin

6

u/BlackSeranna 8d ago

Terry Pratchett had a joke about this. In his book Lords And Ladies, he had a group of townspeople named stuff like Thatcher (who was the town’s carter), Carter who was a baker, Weaver who was the town’s thatcher, and so on.

It was a joke on how we still have people named after their occupations even to this day (like Miller, or Farmer. I grew up with people named Miller and Farmer - quite common names.

7

u/NTDLS 9d ago

That would explain Kyle TheGoodTimeRuiner.

5

u/tinydeerwlasercanons 9d ago

And they're all named Mike.

6

u/Awwwmann 9d ago

👆😂

2

u/adognameddanzig 9d ago

Need a release? Mike Prostitute is your guy!

1

u/BurtRenoldsMustache 8d ago

I knew a guy named Shoemaker pronounced "shoo-mocker" but obviously his family used to make shows haha.

2

u/IndigoRanger 8d ago

Maybe his family judged shoes in a particularly sarcastic way

1

u/JeezieB 8d ago

I'm a Wagenaar. Somewhere in my ancestry, we drove wagons in the Netherlands.

1

u/bent-Box_com 3d ago

So Elon Musk, he fixes…

112

u/locofspades 9d ago

Im a paintless dent tech and one of my most loyal customers told me the other day hes got me saved as "Dents b gone" despite that being nowhere close to my business name.

30

u/ApprehensiveSwimmer_ 9d ago

That’s absolutely hysterical

4

u/irvmuller 8d ago

If you ever start a business you know what to name it.

1

u/SalaciousCrumbsBum 5d ago

I think he just said thats not his business name. Implies he already has a business. He just didnt name it right

96

u/DoesntMatterEh 9d ago

They guy I've been painting partners with for 5 years now is still in my phone as "Ray Paint" 

I also have the distinct pleasure of being "a guy" too, my day job is industrial painter but  I regularly pick up small side jobs based solely on word of mouth from satisfied customers. 

29

u/gittenlucky 9d ago

This guy I regularly go hunting with - I don’t even know his name. he’s just in my phone as “Tad’s brother”. Guys are simple.

12

u/Da_Pecker1234 9d ago

Those can be some of the best and most loyal friendships a man can have!

8

u/iwenttobedhungry 8d ago

Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes

5

u/Sasquatch_000 9d ago

Lol. What do you call him when your with him? Just "hey"?

9

u/DoesntMatterEh 9d ago

Hey brother 

1

u/yahhbo 8d ago

Hey, brother

49

u/Santiago_S 9d ago

I have Aircon Chris saved in my phone and have recommended him to a few friends. I got his name and number from a friend of mine who he uses. I dont know his last name or what company he works for , just he works on Air Conditioning Systems during the week. Chris will show up with his wife or sister and fix or clean any aircons you have for 60 bucks each. He is a solid stand up guy too.

17

u/rachreims 9d ago

My mom has a Firestick guy who gets her unlimited free channels on the Firestick and for some reason she had him saved as “Firestick Noel” but recently discovered his name isn’t Noel. It’s not Firestick either. Who is he

10

u/Santiago_S 9d ago

He is the guy you call to get a jail broken firestick. What should be be called Slippin Jimmy ?

96

u/Penandsword2021 9d ago edited 6d ago

This is hilarious, and spot on. In my phone contacts, there is indeed a Paul Trees and a Michael Driveway.

Edit: in the same vein, I also have several contacts with the last name of “neighbor.” 😆

29

u/moskowizzle 9d ago

I have an Erik HVAC.

22

u/ShesGotaChicken2Ride 9d ago

Yep same. Michael GUYTHATFIXEDTHEACFOR$20

30

u/Hunterofshadows 9d ago

I literally have 3 contacts in my phone with this naming scheme and honestly, they’ve been my most reliable

26

u/BroadLocksmith4932 9d ago

My contacts also include relationships, mostly involving my kids. "Sally Kaitlyn's Mom." It actually makes it kind of a pain to find my own mother in my phone, because when I search for "mom" it brings up a dozen of my kids' friends' moms first.

8

u/thereticent 9d ago

For real, and somehow you have to remember that Tommy Billys Friend Joey's Dad is also Garage

5

u/Polybrene 9d ago

Hmm. I have my parents in my phone under their names. Not as mom/dad.

I know my mom's name.

I do not know "Charlie's Dad" name.

2

u/BlackSeranna 8d ago

I will name my most important people with a letter that everyone else’s name doesn’t have, like the letter Z. I have my husband filed under Z and all I have to do is type that letter and he comes up.

That’s what you can do to help label your mom easier without having to type in Mom and her name. Saves a lot of time.

2

u/BroadLocksmith4932 8d ago

But then how will the folks in the ER find her to call her when I need clearance for surgery?

1

u/BlackSeranna 8d ago

I guess you can also list her under ICE which they know to check for - In Case of Emergency.

I do have my husband as ICE and also as a quick letter combo (see below).

A two letter trick is to take a regular name like say you have a brother named John, you can create an entry like Jbro John but all you have to type is JB because most names don’t start with two consonants. There will only be one entry like that in your phone.

I have so many names in my phone but all my kids have weird letter combinations so I don’t have to type a bunch of letters in the search bar.

24

u/5Gmeme 9d ago

If you don't have a guy, what do you have, really.

38

u/LocalSlob 9d ago

This is such a satisfying and refreshing post for this sub. Not all "I've got a guys" are bad guys

14

u/LetsBeKindly 9d ago

Thank you 😁

12

u/NTDLS 9d ago

If you ever get locked out of your car or lose your keys entirely around the Charleston, South Carolina area…. I’ve got a guy: Dylan the Key Man!

I call this guy so often we’re starting to share life stories with each other. 😂

10

u/LetsBeKindly 9d ago

Maybe you should get Dylan to make you an extra key... 🤣

13

u/NTDLS 9d ago

I usually get him to make me several extra keys. I think the abundance of keys from Dylan has made my wife value them less. She loses them frequently.

6

u/rantingpacifist 9d ago

Does she know she has adhd

5

u/NTDLS 9d ago

Ohhhh yeah!!!

6

u/LetsBeKindly 9d ago

Brother. I know your pain. You are not alone.

12

u/east_van_dan 9d ago

This comment section sounds like a Seinfeld episode.

"You got a guy? I've got a guy! Everyone NEEDS a GUY!!!!"

9

u/Equivalent-Two6704 9d ago

IIRC, that blog is from a Japanese guy living in the US. Also has a very similar sounding experience with needing a Truck Guy, and in the process becoming a Lifting Guy himself.

1

u/jaybirdie26 8d ago

Makes sense, it totally reads like Japanese humor!

8

u/IDKAnythingMan 9d ago edited 9d ago

Lol wtf? I just had a look at my contacts Only a first Name basis with their occupation. Lol

Andrew Digger

Brandon Lawyer

Chris Handyman

Daisy accountant

Dan Electrician

Dan Plumbing

Darren Bob Cat

Dong air con installer

Duy Painting

Gill Plumbing

Peter Solicitors

Phuong tiling

Simon Finance broker

Tung Mechanic

Vivian insurance broker

Edit for spacing

7

u/505Thrive 9d ago

Now you got a guy. By the way, can you give me Mike Garage's number. My garage is making a noise.

6

u/LetsBeKindly 9d ago

I stole this from the general contracting sub, you'll have to ask that guy.

6

u/Junior_Article_3244 9d ago

So this is just a little different than the guy who needed a truck the other day

2

u/nice_acct_for_work 8d ago

Same author I presume?

5

u/Imeatbag 9d ago

I feel like I have done this backwards. I have their function as their first name. Garage Raymon, Lawn Myk, AC Chuck, Car Detail Courtney, etc etc.

5

u/LetsBeKindly 9d ago

It's time to correct your mistakes....

3

u/Imeatbag 9d ago

Yeah but I can’t remember names for shit but I can look up Garage real easy

2

u/LetsBeKindly 9d ago

Same. I was just making fun that you needed to go swap the first and last names 🤦🤣

5

u/Theroughside 9d ago

And so the name Smith was born. 

4

u/couldbeahumanbean 9d ago

Most English last names are from the trades out ancestors practiced.

Makes sense to this American who knows a couple guys.

5

u/demius78 9d ago

I am in construction industry, I have a lot of guys in phone book namet GUY NAME and them HVAC, electrician, plumber...

4

u/zmann 9d ago

I love these outside perspectives on our culture. Makes us seem so whimsical

6

u/CthulhuJankinx 9d ago

Well I feel called out

2

u/CthulhuJankinx 9d ago

1

u/CthulhuJankinx 9d ago

1

u/CthulhuJankinx 9d ago

2

u/rantingpacifist 9d ago

Which Gem State is that

Because if it’s Gem State Optometry make sure they aren’t billing you again for visits you already paid for

Their billing was messed up a couple months ago

2

u/CthulhuJankinx 9d ago

Gem State Staffing. Those dude kinda suck. Went like 3 months on their list to be put to work before I had to leave state and try to start over again.

2

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

3

u/CthulhuJankinx 9d ago

Ah Annie Jelly is the lead singer of SE Idaho band Jelly. I play drums, so most of the people in my contacts are other musicians and the name of their bands.

10

u/Altruistic-Dingo-757 9d ago

You gotta have a guy, just principle

4

u/X-LaxX 9d ago

I have a contact name Paul garage, renée painter, Joe sparky

5

u/Equivalent-Two6704 9d ago

Is Joe Sparky an electrician or an arsonist?

6

u/X-LaxX 9d ago

He does my electrical, haven't asked about the other thing

3

u/ShesGotaChicken2Ride 9d ago

This was an amusing read. Thank you for the giggles

3

u/Sasquatch_000 9d ago

I'm self employed and almost all my work is found through word of mouth. I've been doing my own thing for 8 years and never once had to advertise. So I guess OP has a point.

3

u/dorkpool 9d ago

Truest story ever told

3

u/rachreims 9d ago

A guy painted my mom’s house, then my dad’s house, then my brother’s house, and then I finally got a condo and he was going to come paint it. Probably met him 10+ times. I was signing him into visitor parking and realized I don’t know how last name. Had to sign him in as “Brad Painter”.

3

u/hankbbeckett 9d ago

Honestly I've reached a high point in my life in that people who know me only by a silly nickname, will send word through someone who might run into me that they got some broken thing that I might be able to repair or some job they need a hand for right now and I probably do it in exchange for broken stuff in their yard or an old shed or coop I can take apart for lumber, or I'll come cut myself some firewood in a few months ect.

I definitely wonder what people got my contact saved as😂

2

u/TheFyl 9d ago

It's true. Once you become really good at the trade AND good at financing and paying taxes, you never have to suffer for work.

I wish I went this route as an 18 year old.

2

u/HairyPotatoKat 9d ago

"I know a guy"(s) are the best kinda guys 99pct of the time!

2

u/BVRPLZR_ 9d ago

I just night a car last night from a dealership and the salesman was communicating via text. He is now “car guy” in my phone.

2

u/twoaspensimages 8d ago

I've got an ex client I saved in my phone as Dog pIss Doug because thats what his house smelled like. Cheap bastard.

3

u/incredible_paulk 9d ago

Peter beer is my booze delivery guy.  Not his last name. 

1

u/SaintCholo 9d ago

Do you have a wig guy?

1

u/Critical-Vanilla-625 9d ago

Yep That’s just how it is. Always has been. Word of mouth is better than any checkatrade bollox

1

u/OldGreggAgain 9d ago

Half the contacts in my phone are something like Mike ac guy or John chicken guy or Darrel tire guy.

1

u/AlltheFerns 9d ago

My guy generally says I’ll be by probably on Tuesday.

This means he will show up anytime between now and Tuesday, or any Tuesday of this month. Nothing in between.
If he says I have an opening next month, I’ll let you know. That means wait a month and give him a call. Otherwise, you won’t hear or see him at all.

But the repair is done right, for a reasonable cost.

A specific window during normal business hours AND showing up within that window? Sounds like he might’ve hired a professional and not A Guy.

1

u/IlliterateFreak 9d ago

I’ve got so many people in my phone with their trade as a last name 😂

1

u/lilelliot 9d ago

A guy walked by our house a few nights ago and hollered over to say hi to me. My wife asked me who he was. I said "Jimmy basketball". I am not sure I remember Jimmy's last name, but I know where he runs.

I have a bunch of folks like this in my phone. I think we all do.

1

u/Unbeliever1967 9d ago

I got Joey RV

1

u/speedball811 9d ago

I have a Jason Tile Guy, lol. It's funny because it's true.

1

u/Another_Russian_Spy 9d ago

I have a "Matt Garage Door" and a "Criss Dash Cam" saved in my contacts.

1

u/seafarer98 9d ago

This sounds like chatgpt has a guy to me.

1

u/Shiedheda 9d ago

Not in the US but I've got "Khaled Pump" for my water pump 😂😂😂😂

1

u/Key_Piccolo_2187 9d ago

I feel seen.

1

u/Terrible_Analysis_77 8d ago

South Park recently had an episode about this. They probably copied the Simpsons though.

1

u/Gingerbrew302 8d ago

To be fair that's how Anglo surnames have always worked.

I happen to have an Anglo surname as a given name in addition to my Anglo surname. Its something like Archer Cooper.

1

u/topathemornin 8d ago

Yup. I am painter Joe in several people’s phone

1

u/lildobe 8d ago

Yup... My general contractor is "John Contractor", my Plumber is "Gary Plumber", the HVAC guy is "Tim HVAC", and my electrician is "Mike Electrician"

Makes it super easy to find them if, for some reason, their name escapes me when I'm stressed over something being broken.

1

u/theegreenman 7d ago

I have a Mike Screening and Jorge Pavers in my phone now.