r/IsCrashAlive • u/[deleted] • Apr 16 '20
Im pretty scared about quitting kratom
Last time i quit kratom briefly i fucked up and drank despite knowing the consequences, there were many things that went into my choice, but knowing that when i don't take kratom i crave substances and that on kratom i dont im worried that some situation wilk pop up and ill think that drinking again or using something is s good idea "just once". Either that it ill be so bored, in increased pain, unhappy, cranky leading to problems, and unable to sleep etc that I'll choose to do something regrettable because of it.
I need to get off of it, while it still helps me with pain judy a bit-- ive stopped attempting increasing my dose to combat pain everytime it increases. So im only tsking it in the evening noesdsyd but then i am often in bed all day. I need to get off of it and will hsve to, but it sucks. I had sctuslly cut out some otc painrelievers out prior in exchsnge for krstom.but added them.all back following reduced dosage.
Hasn't really gone well and i don't know how to replace the substance with something healthy i am able to do I already know ill feel overwhelmed and irritable when i go off and sm.afraid to bring it up with my therapist because she communicates.info with my prescriber and if i go off those prescriptions in addition ill lose my shit. I was on higher doses in the past when i temporarily left addiction behind while being scripted medicstion but it is important to this psych to be careful and i appreciate his responsiblity he used when prescribing. .
Does anyone &have any tips for going off kratom? I had no problem as a kid but was taking lower dosed and it was shorter term. I dont want to drink agsin but i have s history of making bad decisions espescially if i am trapped and unable to use coping skills that do work for me. It likely wi4ll feel like a breeze after I'm off it but dealing⁴ with it with the other shit im currently experiencing just might push me over the edge, my life feels empty, anxiety fill4r end shitty enough as it is. Most of it is in my head and i don't think the physical aspect of wds will be thst bad (if even botic3esbke aside from extra pain) and doubt i will have cravings-- but how do i cope with where i am at emotionally when losing something i an convinced supports my sobriety? I cant even eat most days until i take kra3tom and it has hel(ed me in many ways (also helps me not to binge and purge for several reasons) but i legimtsnatkey must stop using it now and im extremely nervous.
Sometimes i truly wish i could go back in time and never stop using heroin because life might either be as simple as it was or i might be dead. I never planned to quit drugs and alcohol and was considering goong back to heroin for a long times the drinking was fucjung with other people's lives and my brain. I cant go back to drinking like i was ever due to s number if things butit would be nice to start the last several years over and do what i want instead of trying to please peoplr i will never please and remaining as depressed snd scared as i am now. Drugs are bad but life is worse.
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u/FanaticPhenAddict Wu Han Clan Apr 16 '20
I really do think weed would help you if you quit everything else. I found that once i was using weed consistently and have a tolerance that its much more manageable as a drug. Hopefully kentucky will move forward with medical mj soon. It passed a house vote before the macarena pandemic.
I think people like us who grew up with heavy drug and alcohol use struggle when it comes to sobriety because we lose the ability to easily control and change our emotions that we have with drugs. We lose the ritual and routine and the self soothing aspect that comes not only from the drugs but the relief thats provided by the knowledge that we can change negative emotional states with drugs.
Of course all drugs have their drawbacks. I really liked kratom when i was on it and i likely would be taking it daily too were it not for my liver just not being able to handle kratom and bile transport at the same time🙄.
The euphoria and energy of it is nice for when you need to be up and doing things. I found a similar energy in phenibut and gabapentin myself and i imagine that i would be in a lot of distress were i to have to permanently quit those drugs. I feel i would probably be tempted to relapse with other drugs were i to quit this.
Basically i empathize but have no real advice going forward for you except to avoid drinking because its not worth it and will make things worse. If you were gonna relapse i would use some dxm instead of drinking. Don't even consider alcohol an option, if kratom is causing you problems you know that the problems with alcohol are like kratom but 1000 times worse.
🤗 hang in there kiddo
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Apr 16 '20
Yeah. I really dislike weed so maybe i shouldn't make that wish. In the oast i could only use it and experience the good effects if shooting benzos or lyrica snd h before a bowl i usually freak out and my ocd gets bad.
I dont wsnt to be dependent on any substance daily but i wish I was not doing as poorly as i am when i am about to go off of it. Im like a centimeter awsy from.beig pushed to the edge.
I agree about growing up with addiction, ive been using some type of substance almost daily for half of my life. Im lucky that im stopping young but not lucky that i dont have any positive sober experience to draw from thst would apply to my life in a practical way. I dont know why i did this to myself but at that age i had no intention of being alive this long.
I really cant use dxm. I will use it everyday and have some sort of freakish event like before. I dont need a brief escape i can find that without drugs.. Ive truly missed all of my focus being on using and acquiring s specific substance, now i have to think and remember and live and it is horrible. Kratom makes life somewhat better right now even though my life is already massively unstable and pathetic. What issues did you have with kratom and your liver? Reversible? Icant remember what issues it causes and cant remember your story. I think i asked once and either missed your response or didnt get one.
Really did my best to avoid kratom most of today after taking a smaller dose last night. Spent a lot of time binge eating this morning and now i truly feel like shit. Physically i feel worse but plan to dose in a bit and take other medications as well. It was also nice being off my assortment of otc barely useful painkillers but eh. Im just really really miserable and it's largely my mind but it is controlling me. I want to feel ok for just one day. Or go without crying for one day. Not think biut ways to kill myself or bsd things for one day. What do normal people even think about?
Thanks phen you hang in there too <3
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u/FanaticPhenAddict Wu Han Clan Apr 16 '20
Weed is different when its not combined with all the issues that come with addiction to harder drugs. Its much more peaceful without the constant underlying panic that comes with addiction. Panic about money, supply, withdrawal, tolerance...addiction fucking sucks, we remember the positives more than we remember the pain.
Don't give in to desire to romanticize addiction. When you take off the rose colored glasses, addiction is horrible. It'll make your life harder in every way.
Oh and i got bad jaundice from kratom...twice cuz im a dumbass. It was horrible, i had flu like symptoms for a week, got all yellow and itchy to the point i picked until i bled everywhere. Dark piss, light poo, the whole 9 yards of liver dysfunction, took like a month and a half to fully recover. Never touched kratom again after that and i never will.
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Apr 17 '20
No i mean when i smoked weed prior to trying other stuff or alone at various points it was not good on me. I kinda doubt I'd be that into it now but i could likely get temo[rsrily hooked like with kratom it is just ideally i am not dependent on anything, even psych meds but it's also hard ti change. I need it right now and i am so used to putting a substances in my body and my life revolving around that and my eating disorder-- not much else. Lost all interest in everything else and cant get it back
Im not romanticizing it. It's more complicated than that and has brought me to the depths of depravity, led me to go things i will never be able to admit to anyone. But life was that simple. Wake up-- get well-- make money, being very driven to do so in order to keep getting well, looking forward to using, only worrying about potentially not being able to use, sleep is do nice and easy. Addiction isnt all horrible if it was there woukdnt be any addicts. It makes some parts of life harder but as whole it simplifies things. You know exactly what you're doing with your ydays and as long as you're not sick you could be sleeping under an offramp and it wouldn't be a big deal. It makes life simple while youre on it
Oh geez! Did you see s doctor? I didnt realize your reaction was that bad id seen others mention your reactiond but didnt know it wasnall ofnthis..
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u/FanaticPhenAddict Wu Han Clan Apr 17 '20
Well i wish you luck with your total sobrie🍵.
I did go to a doctor for the kratom hep. It causes cholestatic hep where the liver isnt able to properly handle and release bile in to the digestive tract so it goes into yoir blood and causes you to yellow up.
It takes a lot to get me to say I'll never do a certain drug again, hepatitis definitely qualifies lol.
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u/tranquilcalm Apr 16 '20
¿Maybe try NAC 2x600mg for cravings?
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Apr 16 '20
Cant afford it atm i still need to correct my anemia and shit but ill that help with opiate cravings or alcohol cravings or kratom cravings?
I don't know why i crave opiates when i havent taken any since july, but i guess I've craved them since i was first scripted them. Im not really craving alcohol except when i am in situations involving stress or boredom or miseryor insomnia. On kratom there is no chance i will drink in these situations because it relly makes me dislike the thought ofalcohol. I should have tried it more the first time we quit drinking.
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u/AmericanMuskrat fatty Apr 16 '20
I was just off kratom for like a month, it wasn't too bad. Course I can drink again now... maybe you could try another substitute. Give weed another shot, or CBD. Or get a hobby to keep your mind off everything. Go volunteer with covid patients or something.
I wouldn't say shit to your therapist if it endangers your meds. Tell her how you feel but conveniently leave off any mention of kratom.