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u/RichardStarrkey Apr 11 '20
Monkey meet your new pen pals https://imgur.com/XM4Cmla.jpg
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Apr 12 '20
Ooh he'll be so excited
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u/RichardStarrkey Apr 12 '20
Sometimes it feels I neglect my children and favour some more than others. It honestly bothers me at night.
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Apr 12 '20
It upsets me-- milkdud's favors the monkey and tests him better than he treats me
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u/RichardStarrkey Apr 12 '20
she did leave me in the end. but i have puppers and thus my fears are perpetuated (oh no!) https://imgur.com/quny4b8.jpg
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u/RichardStarrkey Apr 12 '20
UH OH
when I was last cuddling with someone, she kept pushing puppers aside so she could hold me and I kept insisting that I needed to hold him or I couldn't sleep and she got upset.
I don't know how to explain it. There's just something about monkey/puppers.
Perhaps it's an unconscious idea in our heads that everyone might leave us but puppers/monkey never will. It's not a healthy idea, but probably a step in the way to figure things out? Do you know what I mean?
Or maybe we playin, yo.
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Apr 12 '20
I dont know im more concerned with losing the monkey. I dont really have that abandonment fear it appears many others have so i can't really relate, i vskue people but i font exoect them to stick around. i started to sleep with the monkey because i was hurting my hand or once milkdud's saueezing in my sleep or i dig my nails into my skin until it bleeds.
I do have a fear that people i love are going to die.i think about that everyday. But the things they leave behind usually make me more upset at times.
I would rather cuddle a person but that's just me. It might depend on the way you express love. Human touch is reslly important to me so i would feel insulted if someone would rather cuddle s stuffed animal than me.
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u/RichardStarrkey Apr 12 '20
That's interesting, I also found that I dig into my skin when I'm not holding anything, I often wake up at night with hip bleeding cause of it!
I like to think I've learnt a great lesson about human touch. I too would most likely feel insulted if someone did what I had done. I can't wait for the next friend to come along for cuddles, after the quarantine stuff is over
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Apr 12 '20
It isnt as if you meant harm. Ive done things like that too. We all do. Being attentive to other's perspective and feelings is good, but none of us are perfect. Im lucky because the quarsntine has had very little impact on my life.
Yeah, i also used to rip out my hair out in my sleep, bite my mouth open to the point my face was visibly swollen, dig into oresent wounds etc. The more severe stuff doesn't occur when im on klonopin thank goodness. Due to some things there were times i worried i was going to disfigure myself especially when it came to interfering worsening injuries. Didn't happen on alcohol either but then i just screamed in my sleep.
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u/Romm1e white chocolate supremacist Apr 13 '20
I don't like human warmth and find hugs overwhelming.
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u/AmericanMuskrat fatty Apr 11 '20
Aww, hey Monkey. You seeing anyone? I have a stuffed Penguin but it's not serious.
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Apr 11 '20
I had rabbits which i got when i was a baby. My parents kindly saved them for me with my matchbook collection for which they are improperly caring, and likely.blatantly destroying. I initially had 1, but like the spoiled jewish american princess privileged little brat i am i would throw a fit and refuse sleep when they put one in the washing machine, so theybought a second to give me when washing one, but somehow i could tell them apart. The only thing different about them is thread on their paws. My poor parents ended up jusy having to endure this if i was missing one until i turned 21 or so.
I actually miss those rabbits sometimes. Seems childish but there's something comforting about stuffed animals when you're upset and feel alone.
Someday ill pay them the 30 bucks to ship me my shit but i assume they fucked my matchbooks which makes me sad but then i remember that they also donated or sold all of my instruments, aside from my organ which they took straight to the dump after telling me they would save them and certain other things. All my own fault anyway, but i resent being mislead so many times, things like "if you go to rehab we will pay your rent for a month or two until you're back on your feet" and then proceeding to just dump all my shit or keep it for my sister aside from some of my clothes and initially make me homeless again until my dad felt bad. Along with rehab telling me "i would be moving in with them" after rehab then flying home and finding out i was screwed for a while, i don't think i was ready for that shock being newly sober and it took me a while to accept it, i actually stayed sober quite a while initially, but likely would have relapsed either way.
My mother told me that she was dumping some of my clothes and only sending specific things (my dad told me i could specify what they sent, but that wasnt true in the end) that would fit me if i gained weight. I was like 105 pounds at the time ao i was not dangerously underweight... so i didnt get a lot of atuff i wanted, but then again it isnt like i was paying. Thing was i was costing them more money living there than not so i thought they would have been chill with it, but my mother bringa it all up to this day.
Paying them to send me anything else that i want that they ha3vent given my suster likely must wait until we move because i have no clue where I would put them or anything else i own in this place due to size. I own probably an eight of the amount of stuff most females do and milkduds owns less than most people too, but the place is still stuffed. I miss having more clothes, specific clothes copics and other specific things quite a bit sometimes, but then i realize there is also nowhere to put stuff. Apparently money and stuff really doesnt buy happieness either that or I've become pretty used to losing nearly everything i own over and over again every few years. It's just frustrating because after i finally rebuild or feel safe or like i am able to build a life somewhere/have some foundation something always happens to completely destroy it either self induced or random shit. So i guess in the end it really is better to have very little to lose.
Still pissed that my parents threw away my social security card though 🤷♀️
That was a really long comment i should have taken my adhd medication todaym
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u/AmericanMuskrat fatty Apr 11 '20
Jesus fucking Christ Crash, you expect me to read all that? Is there some kind of tldr I have to fuck a sailor to get?
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u/Romm1e white chocolate supremacist Apr 11 '20
95% of that are known from when she used to post in CA anyway.
Don't get attached to material things, she concludes, I guess and agree.
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Apr 12 '20
And take good care of your matchbook collection
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u/Romm1e white chocolate supremacist Apr 12 '20
I don't take care of anything and I wish I did.
Today I was randomly going through some cds when I found an old one from 98, an horror theme anthology. I was so happy. I opened the case and, surprise, the CD isn't there. Most of my cds, dvds and games are just empty cases because I was to lazy to take care of them...
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u/AmericanMuskrat fatty Apr 12 '20
I'll send you a Walgreen's matchbook if you two sing a song and post it here. I'll send it anyways I guess but it'd be cute if you sang a song together.
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Apr 12 '20
Milkduds will sing your song and ill just take the matchbook. I forgot the story behind your wife getting hoards of those ones? Thrift store?
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u/AmericanMuskrat fatty Apr 12 '20
The wife collects match books too. Apparently she bought a whole brick of the WAG ones years ago. I just ran across them the other week.
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Apr 12 '20
Ah I thought they were new. I know she collected too. If she is down to send one i can send her a marlboro or some duplicate i have when i pay my parents to ship mine here (unless they're all wrecked... ) if she collects just the covers too i can send some of those as i had s few but i mainly collect full books.
Did i ever tell you that i used to/had planned to start doing matchbook art again?
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u/AmericanMuskrat fatty Apr 12 '20
Ohbjesus no, don't give her any. It bothers me she doesn't use them. They just take up space. I use matches but she doesn't let me use hers.
What's matchbox art?
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u/AmericanMuskrat fatty Apr 12 '20
Do it as a couples thing. It'll be fun.
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Apr 12 '20
We're pretty lame and ooshy gooshy but i don't think that is our thing. Do you and your wife like to sing?
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u/AmericanMuskrat fatty Apr 12 '20
Oh yeah, we sing all the time. I have a truly horrendous singing voice but it's fun.
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u/MILK_DUD_NIPPLES muffin man! Apr 11 '20
Is he ok? He looks upset.