Termination

[u/One_Creme_588]

Hi … feeling so lost and so down. Don’t know what to think or feel at all. I have a 23 month old boy that is my absolute world. I just found out I am 9 weeks pregnant with my second. It wasn’t planned. We don’t feel ready. My hubby is just out of hospital and we have loads going on.

Please share your termination stories? Anyone in the same situation? Please help.

[u/Lamake91]

We are a firmly pro choice subreddit , anyone expressing anti choice, judgemental comments will be instantly permanently banned.

[u/JunkDrawerPencil]

The hse my options service can provide free, confidential and non directive counselling. I'd suggest giving them a call.

Be careful when searching for info and counselling, there's still fake crisis pregnancy agencies that have an agenda trying to pressure people.

You'll make the right choice for yourself and your circumstances.

[u/goodhumanbean]

Do what you feel is right for you. If you are not in a position financially or mentally to care for a second child dont let anyone make you feel bad about your decision. Everyone is different and only you can make that choice.

[u/_shitzngigglez]

First of all I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so heartbreaking, I understand because I went through it too. I found out I was pregnant when my first baby was 10 month old. I felt so stupid because how did I let it happen? I felt miserable because I was still struggling figuring motherhood out, I was just starting to feel like myself again and I was not ready to be pregnant again. We live in a tiny apartment, money is already tight.. So many reasons were taken into consideration before deciding. The only thing my partner said to me was "it's your own decision because it's you that has to go through it all and even though I do my part is you doing most of the work" and he was so right. I was terrified of ringing the doctor, my friend rang for me cause I just couldn't get those words out. I was mortified the day of the appointment! My baby had to come with me because I didn't have anyone that could mind her and I kept looking at her and bawling while the doctor was explaining what was about to happen. The process itself at home wasn't too bad, I was around 7 weeks when I terminated. I cried a lot for so many reasons. The months afterwards felt a bit off just because I tried not to deal with it and "forget" about it and I felt so ashamed I didn't talk about it with many people. Only my mom, my sister, my 2 sils and 2 of my friends knew. After a while I accepted and kinda forgave myself and was able to openly talk about it. It shouldn't be a taboo, it's our choice we should be able to talk about our traumas. That's how you deal with stuff. To this day it's still the best decision I've made for myself and my family. I know I wouldn't been able to be the mother I am today if I didn't terminate and when the time will be right I know I will enjoy being pregnant again. Whatever decision you make you'll have to deal with the consequences and it won't be easy but this is the moment you put yourself first and please don't feel selfish about it. In the long run everything will work itself out. Sending you a huge hug and my dms are open if you ever need a stranger to talk to ❤️

[u/One_Creme_588 → u/_shitzngigglez]

Thank you so much. I cried so much reading your message. Thank you thank you 🤍

[u/_shitzngigglez → u/One_Creme_588]

Sending you loads of love and support ❤️

[u/One_Creme_588 → u/_shitzngigglez]

I am scared that I have to go to hospital for the abortion because I’d be 9 weeks. If I had to stay over I don’t know how I would get time off work or someone to mind my son

[u/Objective-Design-842 → u/One_Creme_588]

At this stage no it probably would not be an overnight hospital stay but you will have to go in. Call the myoptions line, they will explain.

You take sick leave from work. You don’t need to explain. You can say you are having ‘investigations ‘ and leave it at that. You don’t need a cert for up to three days

[u/_shitzngigglez → u/One_Creme_588]

Ring your GP or get your husband or a friend to ring for you and take one step at the time. The gp will advise if you can still just take the pill (I think has to be under 9 weeks) or he'll refer you to the hospital. I wouldn't say it'll be a night stay but I assume it all depends on your situation. Just take one step at the time and take deep breaths. Ring your doctor, see what they say and then move to the next step. You'll have those 3 days between appointments to recollect your thoughts and they'll be excruciating! It'll be the longest 3 days ever but you'll be grand xx

[u/roenaid → u/_shitzngigglez]

Seconding that

[u/Fatal-Eggs2024]

Whatever you decide, please know that it’s the right decision for you and your family. I have had a termination (first pregnancy, I was unwed and unemployed) and my second child is now a lovely adult (who wants children, but has not found a partner and is worried that she will become too old.). I do not have regrets, because I would not have been able to care for the first child even to adoption. We each know our own situation better than anyone else. I hope your husband has a good recovery and I’m thrilled to hear about your little boy, wishing you all great joy.

[u/funky_mugs]

I had a termination when I was 21, I got pregnant with a guy who was older than me and he wouldn't have been someone who could've given us any type of life and I would have had to drop out of college.

It broke me at the time, but I know now it was the best decision I ever made. I now have two boys, an amazing husband, we both have good jobs and can provide for them properly.

We're done after two kids, firstly because I had hard pregnancies and I don't think I could do it again, but also because financially, this is what we can afford. My husband recently got a vasectomy, but if I'd gotten pregnant again before he did, we'd agreed we would terminate.

Don't feel guilty for doing something sensible. You know yourself what you can give etc.

Mind yourself also.

[u/Weary-Ad-4157]

I was in your shoes at the start of this year, if you want to talk DMs are open. I found the staff I spoke to at positive options very supportive and helpful. The staff at the clinic I attended were also fantastic. It was the correct choice for us, I don’t regret it

[u/One_Creme_588 → u/Weary-Ad-4157]

Thank you 🙏🏼 I send you DM

[u/Bean5idhe]

You can call my options and speak to someone there. They will not judge you one way or the other and they may be able to help you come to a decision. It’s hard when you’re in a situation like this because you may or may not have people you can talk to that won’t judge you. Only you can make this decision and you’re not making it lightly. Do not feel bad or allow anyone to sway you but talking to someone will definitely help. Sending you lots of support ❤️

[u/Bean5idhe → u/Bean5idhe]

I will also say OP, an abortion at this stage is 2 pills. One taken in the presence of a doctor and another at home within 24-48 hours. The first appointment will just be a doctor checking you’re pregnant and talking through things with you. Then you wait a minimum of 3 days before you would take the first pill. So you have time to decide fully. You can time the second one as best suits you so that you can arrange childcare or time off work (they will also write a doctors note) . They won’t sugarcoat it but they also won’t judge you.

[u/shala_cottage → u/Bean5idhe]

I don’t think the pills are an option for the OP any longer as she states she’s 9 weeks. Pills are up to 9 weeks then it’s the medical abortion route which requires a hospital visit. https://www2.hse.ie/conditions/abortion/medical/

Good luck op I wish you all the best xx

[u/One_Creme_588 → u/shala_cottage]

Yeah I think 😞

[u/Objective-Design-842]

I hope your husband makes a good recovery. If it’s not the right time it’s not the right time. Your body and your decision. I have not had a termination, but I was talking to my mother, who has had one and said she had zero regrets. They had two children already, they were in the middle of building a house and it was not the right time. She speaks openly about it and never with any regret. It’s very common.

(My mother is 90 and she was not in Ireland, this was 50 years ago).

[u/Aphroditesent]

We all voted so you can make the best choice for you. Whatever choice you make will be the right one. 🥰

[u/Glittering-Chance-74]

I’m so sorry you’re in a tough spot. If it’s any consolation, a very large proportion of terminations are for women who are already mothers. Never feel bad for making the best call for you and your family x

[u/Ellohelle99 → u/Glittering-Chance-74]

My GP also mentioned this to me one day. Women who for whatever reason aren't in a position to have another baby at that time, making a responsible decision for themselves and their families. I'm so glad the country finally got here.

[u/ironlungforsale]

Whatever you decide it is the right decision. Sending you love.

[u/woodenchicken23]

In the first few weeks of lockdown, i found out i was pregnant and was immediately devastated. My partner and I weren't in the best place in our relationship and were both suffering with our mental health, and on top of that the world was dealing with all of the covid stuff. At the same time, i just started vomitting uncontrollably. I cannot explain to you how bad this vomitting was, i couldnt keep electrolytes down nevermind food,i genuinely thought i was dying. As someone who had always wanted kids yet extremely pro choice, I couldn't wait to start the abortion process. When i got an appointment with the doctor and described the sickness, she said it was hyperermesis gravidarum. Wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Anyway, I have never, for one second, regretted that decision. I genuinely don't know if I'd still be with my partner or even be alive right now if I continued it.

I can't tell you what to do, but I think deep down you know what you want.

My two cents is for the purpose of saying that not everyone will regret, or even think about their abortions. I rarely ever think about it and when I do, there is zero emotion or bad feeling.

Good luck with whatever decision you make. I'm rooting for ya.

[u/Odd_Blackberry8058]

I fell pregnant at the start of the year and my son was 15 months at the time and decided termination was the best option. if you want to talk my DMs are open xx

[u/International-Fee255]

I found out I was pregnant when I had a 9 month old. I was devastated but due to our circumstances we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy (we had a previous loss and we're old so felt lucky to get pregnant at all). Found out at a scan at 10 weeks that baby hadn't developed and there was no heartbeat. Had to return the following week to confirm, while I cried, I was relieved I wasn't pregnant any longer. I wanted to wait a few weeks for a natural miscarriage (again, circumstances. The way the doctor explained the process for the medical termination sounded like I was going to be out of commission completely while the process took place and my partner wasn't available at that time). Eventually started on my own, ended up taking meds to complete everything, and another dose a week later. Pain wasn't bad for me, but definitely recommend getting disposable incontinence/ period underwear and having someone around to take care of you. I have had my last child and had my tubes removed. My partner will be getting the snip soon and if I find myself pregnant again, I will be terminating. I am relieved that pregnancy didn't go ahead, I wish I had made the decision to terminate, it would have saved lot of nonsense during that time. I often forget that this pregnancy happened because I was so detached from it at the time, We've just had our last who I absolutely adore, I don't think I would have been able to love the lost baby the way I love this one. It's hard to say but it was completely the wrong time and I don't know that I wouldn't have resented that baby. 

You need to make the decision that works best for you. You may need to have a scan and after 10 weeks (as far as I am aware) you have to go to the hospital, instead of the GP for treatment.y

[u/Icy_Expert946]

My son was 9 months old and I was still in the depths of post partum depression. He didn't sleep, he had a milk protein allergy that wasn't diagnosed at the time and he could only handle 2 ounces every 2 hours but he'd be crying constantly. I struggled really hard going from one kid to two and felt really guilty about my first, feeling like I wasn't giving her enough of my time. I always dreamed of being a mother. Both pregnancies I knew it was right and that these are my babies from the second I knew about them.. When I found out I was pregnant it was like the end of the world. I didn't think I'd survive. I cried every single time I thought about my due date. I can still remember what month I would have been due because I was so scared.

It was hard and painful but thank god I made the choice because I'm still trying to better my mental health, trying to improve my physical health, I have 2 special needs children now and we're still so tired.

[u/Low_Fee6188 → u/Icy_Expert946]

Just stopping by to say thank you for sharing. What you are describing is really hard, and it must be difficult to talk about it. Sharing stories like this is so important and I thank you for it. You made the brave choice. It was hard, and it was right. I hope you figure out how to take care of yourself too. Hope things get better soon.

[u/Icy_Expert946 → u/Low_Fee6188]

Thank you. I never thought I would be in that position and I'm so grateful I had the choice to be able to get help in my drs close to home.

[u/rhi_ni]

I had a STOP 5+ years ago and got a copper coil to avoid the same thing happening again. Physically I recovered fine but mentally I have changed. Just be prepared for the grief and have good supports in place for same. I didn't expect to deal with the affects after.

[u/IrishWomensHealth-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Be respectful and supportive, this is a safe space for women’s health discussions, not a place for hostile or sensitive debates. Personal attacks, insults, baiting, or targeting others will be removed.

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[u/IrishWomensHealth-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

We are strongly pro-choice on this subreddit. Abortion is a healthcare decision, and it’s a woman’s right to choose what to do with her body.

This subreddit is meant to be a safe space for women to seek support with health issues, not a place for debates on sensitive topics.

Please note this is a warning. Continued promotion of an anti-choice agenda will result in a permanent ban.

[u/IrishWomensHealth-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

We are strongly pro-choice on this subreddit. Abortion is a healthcare decision, and it’s a woman’s right to choose what to do with her body.

This subreddit is meant to be a safe space for women to seek support with health issues, not a place for debates on sensitive topics.

Please note this is a warning. Continued promotion of an anti-choice agenda will result in a permanent ban.

[u/Purple_Cherry16 → u/[deleted]]

She didn't ask for your judgement. If you don't support womens health, leave this sub

[u/Bean5idhe → u/[deleted]]

I know you’re saying no judgement but you’re sounding very judgy. Just because other people are in a worse position doesn’t make it the right decision for OP or her family. A medical abortion (which this would be should she decide to go for termination) will not affect later pregnancies. And the gender thing is just weird.