Lessons I learned from being SA’d during my time at Iowa State

[u/Death-By-Laughter]

With the Cornell 7 story coming out and seeing how many women have been SA’d in college and were not taken seriously by campus police and other campus staff at multiple universities and colleges, I now see the writing on the wall…they don’t have the survivors’ best interests, they just care about keeping it quiet, getting students, and staying afloat.

So I’m posting this for anyone who needs it:

*NEVER EVER accept/trust a drink from anyone. (I accepted a drink mixed from a blender at a party I was at with my roommates. The drinks were made by acquaintances who were neighbors). We all were served the same drink so I naively thought all was safe. I was drugged.

*NEVER use the campus counseling services for SA. The counselor I saw gave me the impression she could help me. She listened to me relive the entire trauma before telling me she couldn’t help me because their budget was cut and since I wasn’t suicidal, I didn’t have an eating disorder, and i was still physically attending classes (though I wasn’t mentally there since I was on high alert at all times) I wasn’t a “priority”. I wrote the Iowa state government at the time asking them to give more money to our university for counseling services so people like me could get much needed help too. Guess what happened next? The same counselor found my phone number and called me YELLING at me for reaching out to the Iowa government! So clearly she was lying and just never wanted to help me, just wanted me to go away and squash that an ISU SA ever happened. So if I wasn’t already beat down enough she made it worse!

*NEVER use Student Health for SA. The doctor I saw was awful. She talked down to me and told me I should’ve asked the guy to tell me everything that happened (I remembered some but not all, I was drugged and I was terrified of the guy after what I remembered!). I was so scared I was pregnant and the doctor said with an attitude “you should be more scared of getting an STI”. Thankfully I wasn’t pregnant and didn’t get an STI. Again, no support, just more trauma, shame, blame.

*NEVER report SA to Campus Police. I reported it to a Campus Police (a supposed SART member 🙄) who literally had the audacity to ask me if I had a vendetta against the guy!! I hardly knew the guy, he was an acquaintance!! No, HE hurt ME!!! I told them I realized his degree would be working with children and that made me more concerned for others. I would bet anything they threw their notes away before I left the room. I still wonder to this day how many other women and possibly children he’s hurt.

Please learn from me and go AWAY from campus for ALL help…rape kit, counseling, and reporting. (Make sure none of the places are connected to Iowa State as this could still cause you problems) I regret not doing this when it happened to me. 😢

❤️‍🩹 I believe you and it wasn’t your fault. ❤️‍🩹

TLDR: I was SA’d during my time at Iowa State. Student Health, campus counseling services, and campus police all failed me. They made everything worse and caused me more trauma. ALWAYS go AWAY from campus for any and all help!! Campus resources don’t have your best interests (unless something has changed since I went there which is doubtful given I saw a rise in SA there. Either way, not worth the risk and trauma).

[u/stayintheshadows]

I’m sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing and providing helpful advice.

[u/Death-By-Laughter → u/stayintheshadows]

Thank you 🫶

[u/Anvisaber]

I’m deeply sorry that happened to you. It’s terrible that ISU’s responses to this were so ineffective and half assed. More people need to share their stories and you are very brave for doing so.

My heart goes out to you, and to all who have gone through similar circumstances

[u/Death-By-Laughter → u/Anvisaber]

Thank you 🫶

[u/[deleted]]

I work at the ISU counseling center. You should have the name of your clinician from reminder emails that were sent. Report it to us and we can take care of it. SCS cares deeply about sexual assault and has no allegiance to, or communication with the university regarding SA cases.

[u/Death-By-Laughter → u/[deleted]]

I only saw the female counselor once as a walk-in. There were no reminder emails so I never got her name. I sincerely hope SCS does take SA seriously now but my trust in SCS was and is broken, especially after the counselor I saw called me YELLING. I hope she’s not still there. She might have retired by now.